Well my dauhgter is 12 and she hasn't seen or heard form her dad in 7 years. The other night he rang up and asked to speak to her. They chatted and it went well. She now wants to meet up with him and so does he along with his new wife.
Problem being- my boyfriend seems to be being a bit off with her about it saying he can't come to the house or everything even though i think that is whats best (i mean you can't meet your dad again in the middle of town can you)
also Inside I am scared he could hurt her again like he did when she was younger. I've spoke to her about all of this and she is still adament to meet him no matter what anyone says.

Has anyone else been in this situation or anythign simular?

I take it no one has lol

i havent been in your situation but if i was you i'd just do what you thinks best, your boyfriend isnt your daughters dad so he cant say that she cant meet him at your house, if i was you i'd make him meet her at your house


im sorry im not really any help

sorry FIA?! when I read it back I relised I should have added in he hurt he mentally. He would hurt me sometimes physically when he was drunk when she was a baby but he did change as she grew older.
and thanks lissyem

it isn't up to your boyfriend - its actually up to your daughter. In fact this whole situation has NOTHING to do with your b/f. Its actually between you, your daughter and your ex.

Besides, your ex, as a father, has a right to seee his daughter, so unless you have a very very good reason for them not meeting, you have to allow it to happen. and if you are worried about her being hurt, go with her and supervise their visits or just keep a really good eye on her and tell her she has to tell you everything, because you're concerned as a mother.

thank you SJP I have told him time and time again that its got nothing to do with it and he nods his head and agrees but he is still really cold about the situation.
And yes I know he does. I want them to see each other but as a parent there obviously is a certain ammount of doubt in it all

It might not be anything to do with your bf, but maybe he is just looking out for you and your daughjter and has your interests at heart, i take it he knows what your ex is like and proberly doesnt want him to hurt you both again

i have to disagree with sjp there, as a parent i think he gave up his rights 7 years ago when he left!

my sister in law has been through exactly the same thing, her daughter didn't see her dad from the age of 2, it wasn't actually the dad that stopped seeing her though, it was my sis in law that stopped contact. the dad turned up nearly 10 years later and so far everything is working fine. there is know stepdad involved though so he picks up at the house and drops her back there too. i think your daughter would probably want you about for the 1st few meeting anyway for a bit of support, hope it goes ok for you

Ig you current boyfriend lives with you then it kinda does have something to do with him cause he is also in your life now so it effects him aswell. If you have come to the decision to let your daughter see her dad i think that is good and you have made the right decision. You now need to tackle your boyfriend. Maybe take him for a meal and explain to him that you love him and your not interested in your Ex and explain how important it is to your daughter for her see her real dad, but that dosnt mean she will forget about your current boyfriend. explain why you would prefer it to be in the house and say that you will both be there when the dad arrives. and then leave your daughter abd ex in the house alone for a house. I know isnt very long so you could do it for longer, but explain to your daughter that you need to take a little step at a rime.
I think your current boyfriend will understand eventually.

my sister is in roughly the same situation

when my mum got pergnant she told the dad, he left to move to america, then my mum met my dad, my sister was then born and she grew up and treated my dad like her real father, my sister knows about her dad though they never kept that from her, when she turned 25, her dad got in contact and she told my dad. he was happy for her but she never answered all along she has said he didnt want to know me then, so why no, he isnt my dad (my dad is her dad)

ok Fia
and theres more chance of me becoming santa than there is to me flaling in love with him again lol
thank you foxylady

and beciboo I have told her I will do what ever she thinks she wants. And thank you

thank you

thank you candie1983 I might try talk to him about it agian tomorrow and explain more to him
and foxylady I take it your sister never did meet her real dad then?

na, she doesnt want to, its her choice and she is proud of the dad she knows

aww thats nice
well my daughter has never called my boyfriend daddy of dad or anything even though hes been part of the fmaily since she was 4ish but shes always refused to clal him that. but he has alway sbeen great with her. And hopefully he will be as good with his son or daughter that is on the way

I think he does know that Fia
If he thinks ill fall in lovw with him again then hes going wrong in the head, and hes married again so for his wifes sake I hope he knows that lol

congratulations on the new baby. whens is due?

I'm unsure exactly at the moment as its the first scan tomorrow I think back end of march

quote:

Originally posted by glasgow-gal:
I'm unsure exactly at the moment as its the first scan tomorrow I think back end of march

Good luck for you scan tomorrow i hope all goes well.
Are you going to find out the s3x before the birth or are you going to wait?

Not sure yet but i think we are going to find out the s3x before the birth My daughter wants a sister i think lol but I dont particually mind aslong as its healthy and happy

were you actually married to him gg? or do you just call him your ex-hubby

yeah i got married at 17 but it only last untill we was 19ish i think. we was together since we where 14