That business about the Magic Roundabout in Swindon has got me thinking again, What on earth is the point in Wiltshire?
It has no motorways apart from where the M4 skirts through the top edge of it, which isnt really deepest darkest Wiltshire anyway, the drivers are all old Dorises, and the place generally depresses me.
I think of it like this:
Bristol at one end of the M4 - good place, good cars, good big city, loads of business for me etc... I have an office here.
London at the other end of the M4 - another good place, same as Bristol but bigger & even more business & high profile stuff... I have an office here.
Wiltshire: Bland, empty Abyss which gets in the way of going between London & Bristol. Its like wading through treacle. Get rid of Wiltshire & we will have no more rural areas on the M4 corridor. Excellent.
Originally posted by Palmira: Yes im afraid it is wrong, Becky.
However it is in a different country to Yorkshire. Wiltshire is in England.
Oh haha you're so hilarious
BTW that was my sarcastic voice
Well I never seem to venture further south than Sheffield so hopefully I should never need to encounter this horrible place known as Wiltshire...
Sheffield is more or less the southernmost part of your home country. Once you reach Dronfield, you must show your passport and make sure you have your sticker with Y on it (as opposed to GB).
Originally posted by Palmira: Yes im afraid it is wrong, Becky.
However it is in a different country to Yorkshire. Wiltshire is in England.
Oh haha you're so hilarious
BTW that was my sarcastic voice
Well I never seem to venture further south than Sheffield so hopefully I should never need to encounter this horrible place known as Wiltshire...
Sheffield is more or less the southernmost part of your home country. Once you reach Dronfield, you must show your passport and make sure you have your sticker with Y on it (as opposed to GB).
I'll be sure to remember my Yorkshire-English phrasebook... I always have difficulty understanding foreigners
Originally posted by Palmira: Yes im afraid it is wrong, Becky.
However it is in a different country to Yorkshire. Wiltshire is in England.
Oh haha you're so hilarious
BTW that was my sarcastic voice
Well I never seem to venture further south than Sheffield so hopefully I should never need to encounter this horrible place known as Wiltshire...
Sheffield is more or less the southernmost part of your home country. Once you reach Dronfield, you must show your passport and make sure you have your sticker with Y on it (as opposed to GB).
I'll be sure to remember my Yorkshire-English phrasebook... I always have difficulty understanding foreigners
Eee by eck, lass. Appen you do, liiike.
I will be in Bradford next week. (Bratford to you)
Originally posted by Palmira: Eee by eck, lass. Appen you do, liiike.
I will be in Bradford next week. (Bratford to you)
Oh eck, the deepest darkest parts of my home country.. I'm not a fan of Bratford, had bad night out experiences there!! I'm a Leeds lass meself. And seem t'have slipped inter me local dialect.. Lol
Originally posted by Palmira: Eee by eck, lass. Appen you do, liiike.
I will be in Bradford next week. (Bratford to you)
Oh eck, the deepest darkest parts of my home country.. I'm not a fan of Bratford, had bad night out experiences there!! I'm a Leeds lass meself. And seem t'have slipped inter me local dialect.. Lol
Aye lass.
Do i adopt any different driving characteristics to take into account that there might be such hazards as Whippets and Pigeons, and that the pedestrians might not be able to see me under their flat caps?
Wiltshire holds 2 key factors for me.....its largely a Military training area...full of tanks and stuff.....and it also has what might be the most over-zealous police force in the country.
my advice on encountering Wiltshire is to....only drive in a garishly-painted motOr...to stand out as NOT being a mobile target....and KEEP TO THE BL@@DY SPEED LIMITS!
the Wiltshire Bacon are very keen on making money out of Wiltshire's destitute motorists.
I reckon if we got rid of wiltshire, it would mean there would be just the metropoli of London and Bristol and no ghastly ruralness in the middle, and no need for their straw-chewing police to make money out of us!
Yes Wilts is a military training area - do you know the road which goes between the A36 and A303 across Salisbury Plain, which goes through Chitterne and Shrewton? That is a magnificent road & would be even better if it wasnt in Wiltshire!
I once abandoned an old |Bedford workobus there when the propshaft fell off....front end, I might add....polevault describes what happened.....returned some days later to find a tank had rolled over it.....shrug shoulders, retire to nearest pub!
Similarly funny was my pal who was in the army. He had a 1980 Mk1 Vauxhall Astra, which was ok and reliable but very tatty. He took it for its MOT and it failed. He thought it wasnt worth spending money to get it through its MOT and decided to call it a day & get a new car. He bought a brand new mondeo to replace the astra, but the Ford dealer in Andover wouldnt take his Astra as PX, and of course because it failed its MOT he wouldnt have been allowed to drive it there anyway!
So one night, he took it rallying across Tidworth Tank Tracks in Wiltshire... and completley bashed it up. Rather amusingly he took photos of the different stages of bashing it up. Eventually he came around a corner to find a huge pile of rubble, which was down a hill... there wasnt enough traction to stop.
we instructors recently had a (fatuous) presentation concerning Drink Driving (targetting the wrong personnel....especially as there were a lot of ex-traffic police officers in our ranks)...anyways, the fire brigade had been requested to lay on a scenario demonstration outside, with them cutting open a 'wrecked' car.....this was a 3 nighter so there were three cars cut up....the first night, 99% of the audience just rushed past back to the car park to go home...they were cutting up a peugeot 205....the 2nd night, they were chopping a vectra, and the 'audience' were more interested in diving in to retrieve various spare parts.....the 3rd night they didn't bother turning up, waste of time as the set piece had zero impact on 500 hard-bitten instructors.
I reckon put parts of it across Junctions 17, 16, and 15 of the M4 to stop Wiltshire country Yokels going to Bristol or London and getting in my way with their dirty old pickup trucks.
Wiltshire is a Non-county and rather unpleasant in places!
Originally posted by AndyCardiff: Get rid of Bristol, too. That means getting rid of Bristol City and Rovers, cople of Worzel-like, carrott crunching, sh!te teams with moron fans. Place is full of drugs and hookers.
Oh, and Middlesex is a non-county as well as rutland and Hrefordshire
Andy I live in Bristol & im not a hooker or a druggie - probably be better off if i was though.
Cardiff & Newport are much rougher. I dread going to Cardiff to collect clients on a night time from their corporate hospitality boxes at the Millenium Stadium. I now have an arrangement with that hotel which looks like a tower that I can call their reception before i arrive in town, then get them to let me into their secure car park to avoid my car being surrounded by round-faced, toothless, tracksuit wearers who cant speak properly, rocking the car backward & forward & side to side shouting TAKE ME HOME MATE.
God its awful. So uncivilized compared to when theres a match in Twickenham where people behave themselves.
