Question:
I've decided to rationalise my fleet of cars and need some advice on what to replace them with.

Help would of course be most welcome from anyone, but this is really the Prof's specialist area as he is a genius.

So, it's farewell to my '78 Cadillac Eldorado, goodbye to the series 3 Quattroporte, good riddance to the Chrysler 300C and adios to the Lamborghini LM002.

I want to replace them all with just one car... but which one? It needs to be big and styleeesh with blacked out windows, nice comfy seats for all my byatches, have at least seven doors and nine seats, and do 270mph. I want suspension that makes the car bounce up and down at the touch of a button, and one of those aerials on the boot that looks like a boomerang.

As a part-time pimp and self employed international arms and drugs dealer I'm obviously loaded, but recently I've spent a lot on white shoes and diamond encrusted walking canes, so my new wheels must cost no more than £1200.

I've narrowed it down as follows:

Choices:
Porsche 959, ex-works Paris-Dakar rally winner
Porsche Cayenne Turbo with a roofrack
Porsche 917K, as raced at Le Mans
Lexus, as driven by the one and only Doc Martin on the telly. Don't care which model it is, but I'd like the badges done in gold as it looks reet classy

 

hahaha.....

The Pepper Turbo is the only way to go, homie. And save yo paper and grab the wheels that keep spinning when you stop - don't forget where you're representin', know what I'm gettin' at?

West si-ede, brother!

get a Kia Seducer MPV, and get it pimped by Xzibit, black it out so Lucky Luciano cannot see you, bullet proof it so Fat Tony cannot shoot you, dont forget some spinners.ting.

Are you winding me up?
I would choose the Cayenne or the LS 430, even though Palmira says it is awful. If you need the space then the Cayenne, otherwise LS430. But you won't get either for £1200.
With regards to the 917 and 959, they're more automotive landmarks than useful cars.
Have you considered a Honda Acord Type S?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ProfJC:

Are you winding me up?

QUOTE]

Who me? Certainly not.

Ok, well thanks for getting back to me Prof, I'm going to follow your advice to the letter and will get me a Lexus. One of those big old ones in black with gold badges, blingin.

I'll buy it cheap on a J plate from an auction and then put on a personal plate, probably a real cool lookin one with lots of Zs in it innit.

Then I'll take it to one of these outfits that does cars up for discerning clients like my good self, and I will instruct them to stretch it, slam it, blacken it, bounce it and generally pimp it all up to my satisfaction. I will give them a budget of £500 and if I don't like what I see I'll have them all kneecapped.

Thanks again.