there attitude is nothin 2 do with what class they are. its all to do with there upbringin . childeren are maps of there parents

People suffer in different ways...don’t they? Just because someone is given the latest mobile phone and their own credit card doesn't mean their not impoverished in other ways. The fact that some people have barely enough money to live adequately is disgusting in itself as well. To my mind people are always trying to plot suffering on some kind of sliding scale where unless you were put in thumb screws as a kid you have no right to claim to be adversely affected by your upbringing. People are delicate emotionally as well as unbelievably resilient. If we want kids to grow up respecting us we should teach them by example how we respect them. All too often what people think of as a "normal upbringing" is far from normal and is more about parents recreating the emotional context of their own childhoods. Both my parents had mental health problems and took the literal line that if you could be shown to have done one "bad" thing then your claims to be treated with empathy and understanding were invalidated since you are not perfect. Now that’s the extreme, but the view that kids need chastisement because parents have some weird and wacky ideas about what constitutes respect adds insult to injury, children learn what they live.In my opinion teenagers who turn on their parents do so for many reasons but not because they are bad or evil they are genuinely expressing how much pain they are in.

i think you are right. small children, however, generally pick up parts of their personality from their mum-or the more maternal parent. obviously everyone has their own personality, but i think children are heavily influenced by their mothers because generally mothers-being more concerned creatures as they are women-tend to offer more 'guidance'. maybe if the guidance is too much or too little, then the kid knows not what to make of it. if there is no guidance then i presume a child would initially screw everything up and then gradually fix it as it reaches adulthood. anylising how upbringing determines personality is a vast and grey subject. quite interesting though.

I think because the nurturing "attachment" is a lot stronger due to the maternal connection I agree that the mothers influence is proportionally stronger. In my own case this "maternal attachment" was dysfunctional because my mothers own attachment with her mother was all but none existent. During the course of my therapy (lol) I have learned that mothers are only often as good as their mothers were and so generational problems with nurturing tend to be perpetuated as this cycle is a hard one to break. My own mother to this day I think believes that nothing out of the ordinary happened in my childhood and my "bleating" to use one of their charming expressions is about nothing. My dad was violent and a Paranoid Schizophrenic so I will leave you to fill in the blanks, so it seems that parents will always insist that no matter the extremity of the dysfunction they will always cling to the notion that "There’s nothing wrong here". My mum had electro convulsive therapy at seventeen and the need to live in denial stems from being brutalised when vulnerable which to my mind creates the state of affairs in the first place. Empathy shatters the need for, and usefulness of, blame and breaks the cycle of blame and denial leaving the door open for acceptance and ultimately I feel genuine recovery.

bloody hell! true. im sorry about your dad-my ex boyfriend is a paranoid schitzophrenic and he was really hard to live with and it was awful trying to understand what was going on in his head. my mum loves me loads but i am in a bad place right now and i dont feel that i fully respect her with the things i do to my brain sometimes as she is so against it. my relationship with my mum is wierd. i dont live with her as i moved out about a month after the programme went out on the telly and although i live on my own i feel very unsure and childish about most things. i have no purpose and im either relying on my mum more and more or spacing out which i suppose is awful. I wish i could go back to brat camp!

First your mother can not expect you to live the life, she have lived over again.

You have to find your own path. It is very difficult. I have been there.

But you have to stay clean. Yes life hurts. I lost my father a couple of month ago and there is so much I could have told him but never got to. I had to accept that in some ways he never got to know me for what I am. Life sometimes stinks and things have to left undone. But life continues as we accept it.

It is Ok to be unsecure. When I got my first child I did not know how to be a parent. When I became CIO, I did not know to be a boss. When I first swan 3,8 kilometer, I had done a distance over 2 kilometer. And so on.

There is a first time for everything here in life. I think we just have to do life by try and error.

It is not always important to understand how other people thinks or what is going on in their head. It is important to take care of one selves.

Put up short-terms goals. Take one step at the time in order to create a secure homebase. The homebase is everything. A homebase does not include your family. It is just a place to return to, whenever the days work is done.

But stop trying to satisfy your mother. It is you and you only you must concern your life about.

Hi Julie thanks for your post. I think that its possible to "run down" being childish to be honest with you. I spent most of my childhood being blamed for needing to be a child, and as a result spent a good long time in a sort of extended search for a feeling of validation. By that I mean the sense that "I'm alright" and my feelings are normal and alright as well. Being undermined left me feeling like I was to blame for having any feelings at all. Being vulnerable, as most children start of being, I was constantly blamed for my reactions to being emotionally abused and as a consequence felt like shit most of my childhood. Its taken a long time to get back the sense that my reactions were a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Easy to say, harder to truly feel. Children are bundles of need in my view, they need to be safe and valued and respected "implicitly" the idea that their feelings matter co its the way they feel "end of". I spent years blaming and hating myself cos I had been blamed for being a normal gentle kid with feelings and needs to be valued for who I am. I think your feelings wont be that much different somebody probably didn’t listen ( a lot!!) and blamed you for the way you felt probably cos they'd been blamed for the way they felt and facing how crap it made them feel got lost amongst "pretending" to be a grown up. Above everything I think listen to your own heart, make a friend of it, and remember that pain causes people to deny the things they've been through, and then they become deaf and blind to a kids suffering. Take care Rowan.

Hey im a middle class kid!!!!!

im not sure if parenting has much to do with how a kid turns out.
I had very bad child abuse growing up i was beaten and left hungry often left alone while my mum was in a pub most of the time.
I spent time in a childrens home and again i was sent back to my mum who chucked me onto the street.
i would then spend time on the stairs of the flats trying to keep warm.
As soon as i could i got a live in job as a teenager and im veryu sensible probably a bit too sensible with nothing to fall back on if my life goes wrong i have to be.
My kid is also really sensible becouse she has been brought up knowing my history and that she will have to stand on her own two feet.
I will always be there for my kid but we work as a team.
You can only have a nice life if you work for it thats the only way i know.

yes and im not sure about this totally man