Logo, click to go to homepage Return to Homepage
    C4 Forums    Comedy    The IT Crowd    Series 3 Episode 1
Page 1 2 
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
  Login/Join 
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted
Dear Mr Linehan, (and everyone else to be honest)

As promised elsewhere, I'll start you off:

Scene 1: IT Office. (Sound: We hear a constant, medium-paced, loud muffled 'BOOM BOOM'). Roy & Moss are present. Moss is tinkering with a spray can. Roy is on the phone.

Roy: (unenthusiastically) “Hello IT, have you tried turn....” pause
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: (frustratedly) “...for God's sake woman, let me finish!” pause
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: (more frustratedly) “Well, what WAS I going to say?” pause
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: “Is that right? Jeez, you people think you know it all, don't you? You phone down here telling me my job...I was actually going to ask if you've tried turnips, so there. But beings as though you mentioned it, Mrs Technical, yes I would like you to turn it off” pause
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: (angrily) “You know, the button in the corner...the green button, the one with writing on it..can you press it? Cos guess what it does...it turns it off!”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: “Why not?” pause
Roy: “What kind of idiot...oh hang on...”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy checks his coat pocket which is hanging over the back of his chair, and pulls out a tv remote.
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: “Yeah, it's ok mum, I've got it here. Just unplug it, I'll be round later”.

Roy hangs up. Jen enters.

Sound: BOOM BOOM
Jen: “What is that noise?”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Moss: “Oh it's probably Richmond, he's formed a band and I think they're rehearsing in his room”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Jen: “Wow! Our very own en-suite rock band. Actually they sound rather good don't they?”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Jen starts some freaky dancing. Moss & Roy turn to the screens suppressing smirks.
Sound: BOOM BOOM

Richmond enters through the normal office door.
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Jen stops her embarrassing dance. Everyone looks confused at Richmond.

Richmond: “Oh, what is that awful din? It chills me to the core...”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: “What the? We thought that...was...you?!”

Roy goes over the the Red Door, opens it to reveal it's empty.

Sound: BOOM BOOM
Richmond: (upset) “You're kidding, we're better than that...well faster at least!”
Jen: “Well what's making that noise...?”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy slowly stalks over to and around his desk, eventually realisation dawns on his face.
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Roy: “Ah, it's ok. It's my new PC fan. Must have the setting too high”
Sound: BOOM BOOM
Close up of Roy's fan dial, currently at 'Arctic Frost'. Roy turns it down to 'Summer Breeze'. Booming stops.

All: (exhaling) “Aaaahhh”

Jen: “I can't believe I was dancing to a fan”
Roy: “Don't worry, I can honestly say, I didn't see any dancing”

Jen gives him a stern look.

Richmond: “Anyway, speaking of the band, we've got a gig!”
Moss: “What of ram? (smugly) This baby's got 4...” (pats PC)
Richmond: “No! A gig as in 'show', y'know a concert?”
Moss: (nodding) “With you now, yes”
Roy: “You ever been to a concert, Moss?”
Moss: “Loads. I used to be in a band myself”
Richmond: “Really? What were you? Singer? Lead guitar? Bass...?”
Moss: (proudly folding arms) “Second recorder”
Roy: “Recorder? As in the flutey-whistle thing they make you play when you're 6?”
Moss: (Correcting) “7. And yes, I was good. So good they made me second.”
Richmond: “Who was first?”
Moss: (Pausing) “I'd rather not talk about it.”
Jen: “Why? Did you end up fighting?”
Moss: “No. I couldn't fight a girl...not a girl with one arm anyway!”
Jen: “A one-armed girl was better on the recorder than you?”

Roy & Richmond suppress a giggle. Moss gives them an evil stare. Phone rings in Jen's office. She goes off to answer it.

Roy: “I'm sorry Moss, tell me what's with the spray can you're playing with?”
Moss: (Excitedly) “Well, it's a sound-proofing spray foam I've invented. I call it 'Calm-in-a-Can'. I was going to use it round the Red Door for when Richmond is rehearsing...”
Richmond: (insulted) “Hey!?”
Moss: “I'll need something to test it on first though, can you turn your fan back up?”
Jen bursts angrily out of her room
Jen: (shouting) “Roy, what have I told you about handing out your 'business cards' to my friends on 5th...”
Moss: “Never mind...”
Moss reaches over and sprays a small amount of the foam in Jen's mouth. Jen turns to shout at Moss but there is silence.
Moss: “Success!”

End scene

It's a bit short/abridged but you get the jist... Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
i'm enjoying so far...

i reckon the credits skit should involve moss and his recorder... Smile


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by hitchhiker42:
i'm enjoying so far...

i reckon the credits skit should involve moss and his recorder... Smile


Haha. I was thinking of that with maybe Jen doing a freaky dance next to him...but I think just Moss on his own would carry it perfectly. Big Grin

You up for writing us a scene Hitch? Smile



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
*blinks* umm... you clearly haven't met my imagination... Frown


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
New Member
Posted Hide Post
Wow External Floppy, thats really good. If Channel 4 don't commision a new series then I think you should make one!
 
Posts: 15Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Jonesy4321:
Wow External Floppy, thats really good. If Channel 4 don't commision a new series then I think you should make one!


Smile Aww thanks Jonesy. You made me blush! Smile

I'm well up for (helping?) writing the next series.

I'll try and write/post a few more scenes when I get chance. Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
Ok guys, here's another scene for ya. A bit longer, and it doesn't follow on from the other one. Hope you like it:

Int –The IT office. Roy & Moss are present and are playing some kind of multi-player game.

As they play Moss keeps checking his watch, after a while Roy notices this.

Roy: “What time is it, Moss?”
Moss: (worried) “Oh God…er I mean…good shot”
Roy: “No, Moss. The time? What is it…? You keep looking at your watch”
Moss: (flustered) “Select hours, minutes from watch where time is not null”
Roy: “Moss, are you ok?”
Moss: “Yes, I’m fine. I’m very fine. You know fine...? That’s just what I am, fine!”

Roy turns to Moss with a puzzled look

Moss: “Ok, no! I’m not fine. I’m very un-fine!”

Cut to outside. Low camera looks towards Renholm Ind, a car front wheel stops in our view.

(Music) A dark, sinister tune beings to play.

We hear the car door open and the camera pans round the front bumper to show well dressed mens feet/legs. The car door shuts. The legs start to walk slowly & purposely toward R.I.

Back in IT Office: (no music)

Moss: “Fine is what I’m definitely not!”
Roy: “I thought so. I can recognise the signs…”
Moss: “I went SQL didn’t I?”
Roy: “That’s a sign yes”
Moss: “I don’t know what to do Roy. I’m scared!”
Roy: “Well tell me what’s up? Do you want to talk to Jen…? (shouts) Jen, there’s something wrong with Moss”

Jen emerges from her office

Jen: “Have you tried turning him off and on again?”

Jen laughs but stops as Roy & Moss give her off-ish looks.

Moss: “I’ve done a foolish thing”
Jen: “What have you done, Moss?”

Cut to Outside: (Sinister music continues) Suited man still striding toward entrance.

Back in IT Office: (no music)

Jen: (comforting) “Aaaww Moss, it’ll be ok.”
Moss: “No it won’t Jen. It was very foolish. I thought I was doing something grown-up, doing what a real man would do. But people could die, Jen…”

Moss grabs Jen and starts to shake her

Moss: “…people could die”

Moss lets go of Jen, reaches into his pocket, pulls out his squirter bottle of cold water and sprays his left ear

Roy: “Oh God, he’s really stressed!”
Moss: “Wouldn’t you be if you’d made a date with…. death?”

Cut to Outside: (Sinister music continues) Suited man enters the building & approaches the reception desk.

Man: (with deep gruff voice) “Good morning, my name is Day-ath, spelt d-e-a-t-h. I have an…’appointment’ with Maurice Moss”

Receptionist: Who? (Music ends with a needle scratch)

Mr Death(Day-ath): “Maurice Moss? Head of your IT dept?”

Receptionist: “IT Dept? I’m sorry, there must be a mistake, we don’t…erm one second please.”

She disappears through the door behind her. A muffled conversation is heard but we hear the occassional “Who?”, “What IT Dept?” and “Nice shoes!”. Receptionist reappears.

Receptionist: “Bear with me while I check the telephone list on the computer”

She plays with the mouse, presses a few keys.

Receptionist:”Moss, was it? M-o-s-s. Hmmm, no…no sign. No sign of an IT dept either…Sorry Mr Death, sorry Mr Day-ath but…bloomin’ thing! Oh God! It’s froze again!”

She picks up phone, dials without hesitating then waits….eventually

Receptionist: “Hel…er... Yes of course I’ve turned it off and on again, d’you think I’m stupid?” (pause) “3 days??”

Her eyes roll as she thinks fast

Receptionist: “But, I’ve got a coach load of bikini models here for a meeting and I…hello?”

The internal door bangs open. Roy stands there almost collapsing thru breathlessness.

Roy: (fighting for breath and looking around) “Bi…bik…nis…whe..?”
Receptionist: (pointing to computer, smiling) “Would you mind?”

Roy: “Wha…”

Roy collapses.

Moss enters casually through the internal door

Moss: “Roy you left the phone off the hook, think of your carbon foo…Roy?”

Moss bends down to Roy. Roy’s head lolls as Moss cradles it

Moss: “Roy it’s me, Moss…”

Mr Death: (Turning to Moss) “Mr Moss. Finally we meet, would you come with me please?”

Moss looks over at Mr D, his face contorts into fear, he gulps, he drops Roy’s head onto the floor. Roy yelps.

Moss: “I..see…you’re…here. Err…would you like a cup of tea? It’s no trouble…”

Mr Death: “Time is ticking, Mr Moss. My car is outside”

Mr D walks toward the door, Moss slowly follows. Roy tries a dramatic lunge for Moss but he’s out of reach.

Roy: (faintly to self) “Someone will die!”

Cut to outside R.I. Sinister music plays again. Moss and Mr D walk toward car. They both get into the car. Mr D turns to Moss.

Mr Death: “Let’s go somewhere less public”

Moss gulps.

The car pulls off and reveals a driving school logo emblazoned on the rear door.

End scene

Any thoughts? Smile



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
aww poor moss...

but i must say moss behind the wheel.. i get the feeling someone will die. :S


*is glad not to be on the streets of london where she persumes the it crowd are*


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
New Member
Picture of Fate42
Posted Hide Post
Seriously. Why not have the second series' episodes written by fans. Then again. How about just you?


The vibrate setting is a bit weedy though...
 
Posts: 15Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Fate42:
Seriously. Why not have the second series' episodes written by fans. Then again. How about just you?


I think the fan thing is a good idea (it could give insights on how fans see the characters), not that Mr L isn't up to the job tho.

Just me?? Oh you flatterer you! Blush I have got an idea for an Xmas ep...if anyone's (Graham?) is interested. Wink



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
Oh all right, the onslaught of requests is too much... Roll Eyes Big Grin

Here's my Xmas episode idea:

It's Reynholm Inds Xmas party and Douglas, true to his history, is chasing and making a nuisance of himself with the ladies.

During the night he is awoken by the ghost of his Dad (Denholm, for those not following the plot) who tells him he is disappointed in his son and will send 3 ghostly visitations to show him the error of his ways. 1 showing his past, 1 showing his present and the 3rd predicting the future. (You all know the story anyway, right?)

Now as for the 'ghostly visitations' I was thinking Jen for past, Moss & Roy for present and Richmond for the doom & gloom of the future. But then maybe Richmond is too obvious, perhaps someone else as a twist with maybe a line from Douglas saying he was expecting Richmond.

So whaddya think? Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
i like! Big Grin

i could see moss and roy as more tiny tim and bob cratchett though...


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
oh wait is it bob? scrooge's clerk... i'm sure you know who i mean even if i don't.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
New Member
Posted Hide Post
I posted this on Graham's blog because he said he wanted some help writing scripts. Trust me, I would also love to see this actually being shown! Smile
 
Posts: 7Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by EagleStrike:
I posted this on Graham's blog because he said he wanted some help writing scripts. Trust me, I would also love to see this actually being shown! Smile


Can't believe I missed your post EagleStrike, awfully kind of you to post this stuff to him, thanks for that. But 2 questions:

1- Where exactly did you post it?
2- When/where does/did Mr L ask for 'assistance'?

You made an old(ish) man very excited. Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
*has the smelling salts ready just incase*


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by hitchhiker42:
*has the smelling salts ready just incase*


Cheers H, but with how excited I am a mop might be more suitable. Big Grin Laugh



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
Disappointed hows about a nappy? that way noone but you has to clean up?


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by hitchhiker42:
Disappointed hows about a nappy? that way noone but you has to clean up?


Good thinking H, but let's keep it between ourselves. Wink Graham may not be too happy about having a writing partner who wears nappies! Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of hitchhiker42
Posted Hide Post
my lips are sealed... Ninja


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~Deputy Sheriff of Stationary Village~
i'm the nuts one! my room and board depends on it... * Hufflepuff of the A-team thread
#5 of Des's Sexy Accent Club! * go altador! * #2 of the IT Crowd Fan Club * #1 of the Moss Fan Club
 
Posts: 6922Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
One Gold Star
Picture of External Floppy
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by hitchhiker42:
my lips are sealed... Ninja


You're a pal! Smile Tell ya what, I'll dedicate an episode to ya. Now, if I could just get hold of Mr L... Wave Big Grin



Old geeks don't die, we just incur a fatal exception!
 
Posts: 740Reply With Quote