...This one has to be the most dead of them all. There's not even any guests on here! Why the hell am I posting on here anyway?! I'm going back to my homeland, the Green Wing Forum. Goodbye.
Ally_cat dont for geA businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a ******* when you're pissed, Superman."
There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
A bloke walks into a pub, carrying an octopus. He asks for a pint of beer for himself, and a half for the octopus. "No mate," says the barman, "You can't bring that thing in here. Take it out." "Hold on" says the man, "this is no ordinary octopus, you know. It can play any musical instrument you care to mention. Let us have our drinks on the house, and I'll get it to play your piano." The barman is dubious, but more than a bit intrigued, as are the other customers, so he agrees to let them have a drink IF the octopus can prove it's piano playing expertise. The man puts it on the piano stool. and opens up the lid, whereupon the octopus proceeds to play brilliantly. They get their drinks, and are told to leave, but talk the barman into the same arrangement for a wide selection of musical instruments provided quickly by staff and customers alike. Guitar, oboe, violin, flute, xylophone, drums, trombone are all attempted, and all played with great skill and precision, much to everyone's amazement. By now, the man and his octopus have downed several drinks, and getting into the swing of it. Then a Scotsman arrives with a set of bagpipes. The man gives the bagpipes to the octopus, and all eagerly await the outcome, but are sadly disappointed, as for five solid minutes, all that comes out is a selection of loud wails, screeches and awful groaning noises. "I knew it was a con" shouts the barman, and chucks them out into the street. They sit on the pub car park wall, and after a few minutes of glares and an icy silence, the bloke looks at the octopus and says "You berk! We were on to a good thing there, we could have got drunk for nothing. And you have to go and mess things up!" The octopus glares back at him and says "You wanna complain? I spent five minutes wrestling with that thing, and I couldn't even get it's knickers off!"
A policeman encounters a man who's visibly under the influence, much the worse for wear. "Afternoon Sir. Been having a little drink, have we?" The drunk replies "Consternoon afterble. I am NOT under the affluence of incerhol. I may drook lunk, but I'm not as thunk as some drinkle peep I am."
what? i guess you need to have some to understand it
sister to mentalbint daughter to ulifas
the friendly What a lot of things I know. I'm like a walking encyclopedia deputy to guys_gem for the official greenwing representative of the north west of england
the friendly What a lot of things I know. I'm like a walking encyclopedia deputy to guys_gem for the official greenwing representative of the north west of england
Originally posted by oilyhippo: A policeman encounters a man who's visibly under the influence, much the worse for wear. "Afternoon Sir. Been having a little drink, have we?" The drunk replies "Consternoon afterble. I am NOT under the affluence of incerhol. I may drook lunk, but I'm not as thunk as some drinkle peep I am."
Originally posted by Atomik Spongeface: ...This one has to be the most dead of them all. There's not even any guests on here! Why the hell am I posting on here anyway?! I'm going back to my homeland, the Green Wing Forum. Goodbye.
Hmm...same here. I was just visiting cos BBGF seemed a bit quiet tonight...and i'm all alone here!
Originally posted by Atomik Spongeface: ...This one has to be the most dead of them all. There's not even any guests on here! Why the hell am I posting on here anyway?! I'm going back to my homeland, the Green Wing Forum. Goodbye.
Hmm...same here. I was just visiting cos BBGF seemed a bit quiet tonight...and i'm all alone here!
Hi mrs muffle and Jilly Joe just seen your thread and thought I would come in to see what its like in here for some reason its reminds me of beef flavord crisps BBGF is the best I would say.
