"Doris how many times do i have to tell you that the 'overarm' is the worst possible vacuuming technique available to you yet you always choose to use it. Now get a shuffle on im entertaining guests in less than one hour!"

Given another English Summer, the BBC's special effects department is desperate to recreate a white cloud.

The Tory government prepares to pull the wool over our eyes again.

Mummy, will I stand out at the next Girls Aloud concert?

Scientists have yet to perfect cloning.

SHEEP; I was only gone five minutes, what the HELL have you done to my field!

BBC cutbacks affect Dr Who budget

The rumour that a sheeps shadow turns to grass when confronted by a hoover proves to be true.

Sheep is found to be owner of worlds smallest island after woman accidently hoovers up the sea.

Farmer Giles bath mat had a particewelarly stubborn stain

Betty was shocked to find that Mr Higgenbottom of Higgenbottom's Turf Accountants had a secret peccadillo

Marjorie wasn't fooled by Lady Constance's hiding something under the sofa ploy

"Cleaner: This sucks... Sheep: Well what do you expect? It's a hoover..."

Old Macdonald had a Polish migrant worker ...

I'm loving the entries so far - some real stonking good captions!

You've got 2 more days to keep 'em coming!

Years on, and after much counselling, on seeing a sheep, Miss Peep still struggled to control her emotions.

Flossy! time for your colonic!...and while you're doing that I'm going to shove this vacuum cleaner up my backside.



(change of pace, you know, keep things fresh )

Cardiff Community Theatre prepares for its production of 'Hello Dolly'

In a surprising attempt at political correctness, BBC2's sheepdog trials show was replaced with 'One Woman and Her Vacuum Cleaner.'

Sure Doris was old but she still had needs. She had not led a sheltered life and had explored the pleasures of the flesh in her youth but was she not still human? She was still human. The vacuum erotically vibrated her sensitive body as she motioned it across the floor. She could still feel couldn't she? She could still feel. Tears filled her eyes as she vowed to fight the ravages of old age and the preconceptions of the elderly. Was that a sheep on a carpet? it was a sheep on a carpet.

Experimental Tyres was getting extremely bored of looking at a picture of a cleaner and a sheep.

Counting the sheep was easy but sleep remained tantalisingly beyond her reach

"As soon as he got his own show, Shaun The Sheep's first diva demand was that a buxom beauty should be always on hand to clean his woolly coat..."

"Get off my land" roared Charlie the Cheviot

"Wool ewe no comb baaaaaaaaaaack my pen" temptingly sang Ron the Ram as she gasped her last breath of life, determined to master the art of domestic electrical gadgetry