Hi peeps- back from Brunei- saw the sultan, but no swings.
Hard work but pays well.

Thought we should form a choir for a Christmas tour around the Kebab shops.
You don't need to be able to sing.
Here are some titles and the target audiences we should consider. Any others, please add.

1. Schizophrenics.........Do you hear what I hear?

2. Narcissistics........Hark the Herald Angels Sing-about me.

3. Dementia sufferers.......I think I'll be home for Christmas

4. Multiple Personality Disorders........We three kings disoriented are.

5. Paranoia sufferes....Santa Claus is Coming to Town- to get me!!!

6. Attention Deficit Disorder....Silent Night, Holy broken bones Batman, Mind the Chocolate frog, why is my Old Man not a dustman?

7. Psychopath.....Thoughts of Roasting You on an Open Fire.

8. Sexually Active....While Shepherds washed their *ocks twice a Night.

9. Manic.........Deck the Halls and shed and lawn and garage and post office and Poundstretcher and Argos and trolleys.....

10. Obsessive Compulsion Disorder....Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,......

11. Peadophiles......You'd better Watch Out, You'd better not Cry, You'd better do as you're told, I'm Telling You Why....

12. Over to you


By the way, I can't believe that for your Twelve Days of Christmas thread no one suggested :
On the 10th day of Christmas My True Love Sent to Me:

'Tena Ladies Leaking!'

It is my anthem!
There you go
Have a good 'un
BTC

quote:

6. Attention Deficit Disorder....Silent Night, Holy broken bones Batman, Mind the Chocolate frog, why is my Old Man not a dustman?

Made air force it's way out of my face, painfully funny.

I'll have a think and see if I can come up with anything, but that's a hard act to follow.

For those addicted to Night Clubs:
Silent Night, Holy NIght Fever, Night Fever....

For the Elderly: "Zimmer-Framing Around The Christmas Tree..."

Brian brian!! Great to have you back mate!! Had a good chuckle at this!! LOL

For sex abusers... 'Christmas time... Rohypnol and wine...', Jingle Bells, Away in a Manger

Drug addicts... Let it Snow, I'm dreaming of a white christmas

For the vertically challenged..................Three Wee KIngs.....
Assassins..................................Silent Night, Annihilate on Sight

quote:

Originally posted by ContainsNuts:
For sex abusers... 'Christmas time... Rohypnol and wine...', Jingle Bells, Away in a Manger

..................................................
Shouldn't that read: Jingle Balls and Have it Away in a Manger?

Faecophiliacs: "Poo you smear what I smear", "All I Want For Christmas is Poo"
Devil Worshippers: "Satan Claws is coming to town"
Giants: "Oh Little Town"
Angry Parents: "Rollicking around the Christmas Tree"
Doggers: "Sleigh Ride"
Characters from the Jungle Book: "Baloo Christmas"

Supermarket shopaholics.........O, Lidl town of Bethlehem
Table tennis geeks..................Ping Pong Merrily on High

Kidnappers.................Away with a Stranger

Lumberjacks -Chopping around the Christmas tree
Radical feminists - msletoe and whine
Dyslexic Asbo's - Mary's yob child

For people delivering garden ornaments this yuletide - Driving Gnomes for Christmas

(I'm sorry about that)

hedge - mary's yob child, clever n funny n that!

I once had to sing a rather sick song about Granny dying on christmas morning for a piece during my actor training days......

That's the thing about theatre students. They are a classy breed.

Porn stars on drugs: "King Dong! Merrily on High"
Traffic Wardens: "Santa Claus is Coming to Tow"
Footballers: "Chests, Nuts: Roasting on a Open Fire"
Flashers: "Let It Show, Let It Show, Let It Show"
Techie Nerds: "Wifi Kings"

Geordies.................................Santa Claus is Coming to Toon.
The North Welsh......................Santa Claus is Coming to Towyn
Premature Ejaculators..............Santa Claus is Coming too Soon

Specially for Missyme25..........Santa Claus is Coming to Troon

Nimbys - Eyesore 3 ships
Adolescents- Wahay I'm a teenager
Adulterers- I'm dreaming of my wife's sister

quote:

Originally posted by hedge:
Nimbys - Eyesore 3 ships
Adolescents- Wahay I'm a teenager
Adulterers- I'm dreaming of my wife's sister

Nice ones Hedgie
You've made me think of another:

Ugly adolescents............Wahay, I'm a minger

For Swingers: "We Wish YOu A Merry Orgy"...

For prudes (of a certain age).....We wish you a Merry Whitehouse!

Pub brawlers......................Violent Night, Ho leave him alone it's not worth it.

For those who believe they could orgasm with the right person...................................O Come All Ye Faithful


Apologies for that one.

Drunken people......................... Little wonkey
Small drunken white people.................Little wonkey, little honkey

Cobblers - Last Christmas
Whistle blowers - Shop the Cavalry
Orange coloured TV presenters - Only a Winton's Tail
Indian food devotees - A Spiceman came Travelling
E number addicts - The Christmas Alphabetti Spaghetti
Bakers - Another Rockcake and roll Christmas
Arian Nutcases - God rest ye Jerry Mental Men ((c) Tommy Cooper)
Michael Winner - The Bolly and the Ivy
Inmates of Spandau Prison - Rudolf the Red Nosed Nazi
Heather Mills - All I want for Christmas is another Beatle
Tony Blair - Merry Xmas (war is over) - yeh right