ok guys this is getting ridiculous, i have finally figured it out and i am convinced that the letter grid that c4 originally posted on the competition website is the correct one. for those of you who didn't get to see it, kelliea posted it on page 3 of this thread.
the code and the way to work it out were both used in the italy programme, and are explained on the "following the clues" page.
thanks anavem for your flash of inspiration, it hadn't occured to me to read the indicated letters from left to right on each line! which is exactly what they did in the programme, duh

i just wrote them down as i got them in order and then rearranged them to give me the two numbers! they don't call me a dumb blonde for nothing you know

.
i finally have a single number, that makes perfect sense and i can only encourage those who have not yet reached that nirvana to continue on, unbowed. there have been an awful lot of helpful comments made throughout this thread, so i would go back and read them carefully.
remember, there were only a couple of codes that were used in the italy programme that could possibly be used in this endevour! and i say again, i truly believe that the first letter grid is the correct one, as it is the only one to give a number and for that to be a happy accident is far too convenient.
i can now sleep easy tonight with no grids, numbers or any of you lot (well, my imaginations idea's of you) disturbing my slumber.
btw, i would like to apologise for my lack of capitals in this post, but my other arm is currently being occupied by a 3 month old with chronic colic!
hopefully i won't get black listed for giving too much away (you are probably thinking i didn't go far enough) but i know how mad it has been driving me for the last 5 weeks!