Jack: Your life in my hands: Episode 50
The midday sun has given way to some unwelcome clouds and as a bitter chill cuts into Jacks face he draws up his shoulders and folds his arms high across his chest.
The time is ten to twelve.
To a passer by it would appear that he is doing nothing, but he is. He is thinking. Remembering back to when he had first met Kate, how when she had died he truly believed he would never love another, and then he thought of when Catherine had barged her way into his head. The way she moved everything around in there and jumbled up his brain, left it so he didn’t want to be without her. She and Kate were two entirely different women, and that had been his problem up until now, he had tried to make comparisons. Now he realised he loved them individually for who they were. All that he needed to do now was tell her, and he hadn’t seen her since leaving her stranded at their picnic a few days before.
Standing, he stretches out his arms and shivers against the cold then crosses the road and enters the hospital.
Hovering outside Catherine’s room on the rehab unit, Jack quickly ran the conversation over one last time in his head and lightly tapped the door.
Catherine looked up from her chair and smiled, beckoning him in with her hand.
Jack opened up the door and spoke, “Hi.”
CATHERINE: “Hi yourself stranger.”
JACK: “I know. I’m sorry.”
CATHERINE: “Don’t be Jack; I’m just glad you came.”
JACK: “So. How are you?”
CATHERINE: “Not so different to when I saw you last, except I can do this.” She clenches her hand into a tight fist and opens it again.
JACK: “That’s great, physio’s paying off.”
CATHERINE: “Well?”
JACK: “Well what?”
CATHERINE: “Are you going to tell me what happened with Bianca or do I have to guess?”
JACK: “Oh right of course. She had the babies, a girl and a boy. I did drop by the night she had them but you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you.”
CATHERINE: “And?”
JACK: “Things aren’t so good; it’s touch and go with their son. I’ll go and check in on them later but I wanted to come and see you.”
CATHERINE: “Are you gonna stand there and chat then?”
Realising that he hadn’t moved from the doorway, Jack moves toward her and perches on the edge of the bed.
His nerves are getting the better of him. He’s rehearsed this all morning, but now he is here with her, he falters and stammers his words.
CATHERINE: “Are you Ok Jack?”
He doesn’t answer; instead he gazes deep into her eyes, and then drops his stare to her shoulders, her chest, and her hands. She moves hers and rests it over his, her soft touch rising feelings that cause him to blush.
CATHERINE: “What is it, what’s wrong?”
Startled he looks up and clears his throat, “Nothing…everything’s fine, perfect in fact.”
CATHERINE: “You’re blushing.”
Her voice held an air of interest. She was probing him gently to see what he would let up but he doesn’t say anything. He simply smiles at her.
While he sits questioning how to tell her he is in love with her, she asks questions of her own.
She thinks how handsome Jack is, he has a physical presence is tall and well muscled, carries himself well, she knows he’ll always be turning heads. So would he fall for someone such as herself? Someone who didn’t ‘work’ properly?
He smiles again and speaks. “Catherine.” Pausing, he inhales and speaks again. “Catherine, I need to tell you something, that is, I want to tell you something.” It’s gone again. Bringing his hand up to his head he rubs his temples with his forefinger and thumb.
CATHERINE: “It’s ok, I get it.”
JACK: “You do?”
CATHERINE: “Yes, and its fine Jack really. I never expected anything from you.”
JACK: “No you don’t understand. What I’m trying to say is…Look; I’m not very good at this sort of thing.”
The tears well in her eyes but she refuses to let them flow. She’s been let down enough times before and this time crying just wasn’t an option.
JACK “The thing is…I’m…Catherine I’m in love with you.”
CATHERINE: “What?”
JACK: “I’m in love with you. I’ve known it for a while but didn’t realise it until this morning.”
CATHERINE: “But. I thought that…”
Words trailing off, she stares at the man before her then speaks. “That is not funny Jack.” And she means it too, but his crestfallen look reassures her that this is no game. Throwing her arms around his neck she pulls him tight against her and giggles. This is the happiest she’s felt in a long time. Jack returns the embrace and wraps his arms around her small waist. It feels right. The two of them together like this. Everything feels right.
Averting his gaze to the window he sees the weather has taken a turn for the worse; the sky is deep grey and it is drizzling; but regardless of that he feels happy and nothing is going to spoil it. Well, not for the next 10 minutes anyhow.
Kissing Catherine, Jack leaves for the NICU with the promise to return as soon as possible with a Big Mac and fries.
With a smile as wide as the whole of Texas, Catherine watches as her new love disappears down the hall and out of sight.
Life was good again.
Meanwhile in the NICU, Bianca and Sawyer still sleep.
The wall clock reads 12:46 when the silence is broken by a shrilling alarm that wakes them with a start. Before either of them is aware of what is happening, the curtain is flung back and Roisin rushes in. She pulls back the blanket that is tucked up beneath Logan’s chin and places her stethoscope to his chest. Bianca now fully alert sits bolt upright. She dares not move, the chair she’s sitting in seemingly thumping in time with her racing heart rate. Sawyer, who is also awake, grips B’s arm and squeezes it firmly.
Both of them anxiously search every inch of Roisins face for something, anything that will tell them a miracle has happened, but instead she gently folds the blanket back up to his chin and places her hand over Bianca’s. There were no words, nothing spoken, just that look that tells them Logan’s fight has come to an end.
Bianca relaxes, her muscles loosen and the breath escapes her lungs. A strange calmness washes over her and for a split second she’s unaware of the enormity of what’s just happened.
So this is it. This is what it feels like to lose a child? She was expecting something to look different, feel different but everything’s still just as it had been.
Sawyer sits in silence.
Rising from the chair, Bianca begins swaying gently from side to side. She lifts her arms, still cradling her son, up to her face and rubs her cheek across the top of his hair in small circular movements. It gives her comfort.
He feels so silky, so warm and silky. She wishes this moment could last forever that she could encase them all in a bubble and simply float away to somewhere, but she can’t so she tries to imprint the feeling, the smell every inch of his tiny face into her memory. Pulling his hand from beneath the blanket she wraps his fingers around her own and strokes them with her thumb. They feel warm. Carefully she lifts his hand to her mouth and tenderly plants small kisses on the tip of each of his fingers,and then places it against her cheek. It’s funny, but for the first time she notices a small birthmark just above his right eye. This was the first time she had properly studied his face, she’d seen him, spent much time with him, but somehow this was the first time she truly saw him, and she was overcome because he was quite simply beautiful.
Sawyer still sits in silence.
The curtain moves a bit and a voice drifts somewhere in Bianca’s mind. “Would you like me to take him now?”
But she doesn’t hear. She’s managed momentarily to put up the bubble. Nothing and no-one can penetrate it.
The voice comes again. “Bianca, would you like me to take him now?”
Still swaying, side to side, back and forth. Tears prickle the surface of her eyes but refuse to fall, and still she sways.
Roisin gently takes her arm and speaks again. “Bianca?”
Eyes glazed over like she is looking through some kind of mist, Bianca slowly focuses on the sweet face in front of her. She finds herself smiling back. It’s like a reflex isn’t it? When someone smiles you do too.
Sawyer pulls himself to his feet and pushes his hands deep into his pockets, “Cupcake?”
She looks up at him, the woman who he loves so deeply, just stares right through him.
SAWYER: “Cupcake, you need to let go.”
And still she sways, she hums now too. Not a soothing hum, but a loud hum in desperation to block out the words from her lover words that are bursting her bubble.
SAWYER: “Sweetheart. I’m gonna take the little fella now Ok?”
The swaying stops.
Moving his hands under her own, he tries to pull Logan from her grasp but she tightens her grip and screams. Not words, just sound. A scream so loud it sends other nurses rushing in to see what is going on.
Desperately pleading with her to let go, Sawyer grips hold of Bianca and speaks into her ear. “Just listen to me now B. Don’t listen to them, listen to me. You have to let go. The nurses need to take him. Please B. Please just…Please…” His voice cracking, he gives way to the pain and swallows the lump that sits in his throat.
She slides to the floor and buries her face into the blanket and rocks back and forth, just as she had a while ago except this time there’s an urgency in her movement. Though he is himself deeply upset on many levels, Sawyer takes charge and prises his son from B’s vice like grasp and then hands him over to Roisin.
Bianca doesn’t move.
Sawyer isn’t sure how to comfort her.
Feeling helpless he runs from the room and charges through the double doors, his anger erupting he explodes and takes out his temper on a trash can nearby. He slams his fists into the lid again and again, only stopping when a door creaking breaks his concentration, then he kicks it until his legs lose all strength.
Jack, who has come through the door watches in disbelief as his friend fights with himself. It is all too obvious what has happened and he has no comfort that he can offer. Right now it would be wrong to say anything. Sawyer was stuck in a stormy sea of emotion, drowning almost as wave after wave of sadness engulfed him. He was barely afloat, and soon he would go under.
Walking to where Sawyer stands banging his head against the wall, Jack places a firm hand upon his shoulder and waits.
When the storm erupts, he wants to be there.
COMING UP IN EPISODE 51: With baby Marie to cope with and a funeral to attend, Jack becomes concerned that Bianca is not as well as she appears. *****
•·.·´¯`·.·•Darnellicious to win!!<•·.·´¯`·.·•
i hope bianca and sawyer will be ok..