quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
Certainly men tend to take longer to want serious commitments. But a lot of women also want to wait these days.

Some women want to wait which is fair enough.
But most women I know who want or have children have done so since they were at teenagers. They then have to wait a long time for men to 'catch up', unless they go out of their peer group & hook up with someone older.

I'm not blaming men btw as I can see clearly why many men don't want to think about kids before 30. But there is a problem that women are genetically built to want & have children when they're younger.

quote:

Originally posted by queenstomper:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
Isn't it partly about choice though? My sister and her husband could ahev ahd kids years before they did but they wanted to have a few more years of long holidays and going out. Not that I am criticising, but isn't it partly about choice rather than just cost?

Of course it is and so many people don't have just the one because they think it is unfair and that children should have at least a brother or sister. It's fine to think like that but you have to, or you should, ensure that you can cope financially.

I would love to give mine a sibling queen but you are right I know that I just wouldn't be able to cope or afford both being alone

quote:

Originally posted by ShoppingGirl:

quote:

Originally posted by queenstomper:


Maternity pay is linked to salary. For the first six weeks you get 90% of your salary. For the next 33 weeks you get £112.75. I don't think it's bad and your company may be more generous than this.

My hairdresser, being self employed, is having 8 weeks off and will work until the week before her baby is due.

Six weeks isn't nearly enough though. Even the most driven career woman surely isn't going to want to go back to work with a new baby merely weeks old to look after. I know I couldn't.

My company used to offer a sliding scale, but as the company has grown, this has been abandoned (presumably was too expensive) and they now offer the statutory minimum.

I do agree. I think it would be fair to be given 12 months at 90% of pay. Just wouldn't be practical to smaller businesses and they would struggle.

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
All I'll say is I am glad I am gay and won't be having kids. Far too much hassle. Mind you the guy I have just started dating made a worrying comemtn about, "Why wouldn't you wwant children?"

what's your opinion on gays having children, and/or adopting?

quote:

Originally posted by Amber Nectar:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
All I'll say is I am glad I am gay and won't be having kids. Far too much hassle. Mind you the guy I have just started dating made a worrying comemtn about, "Why wouldn't you wwant children?"

Maybe he needs a few biology lessons

(yes I know!!!!!!!)

He needs a reality check! lol. I mean we've been let off. We don't have to have them. Why on earth would you then want to? (Don;t get me wrong kids are great but I am far far far too selfish to have any).

quote:

Originally posted by Amber Nectar:

Maybe he needs a few biology lessons

quote:

Originally posted by Amber Nectar:
My O/H wants to have kids but I am not sure myself.

I know for a fact that I would hate having to give up work and stay home to look after kids - therefore I won't be having any in the forseeable future.

Of course, I have been criticised for taking that stance too.

Women can't win really!!!!!

They get slated if they "live off" their partners, they get slated if they go out and work and leave their kids in nurserys, they get slated if they stay home to look after their kids and have to claim benefits, and they get slated if they don't have kids because they don't want to "interrupt" their lifestyles.

Your O/H is round about your age no?
My guess is that he wouldn't be so keen were he 23 lol.

I agree you/women will get slated either way.

Until a few years ago, my boyfriends mates would refer to women who wanted to have kids as 'psychos'.

These women were looking for commitment, marriage and kids. And were considered to be very much the enemy, to be kept at bay at all costs. As the word implies, they were practically deemed as mentally unstable.

Now in their thirties, they take a much more balanced view. But even then, they've had to be gently persuaded by their partners into marriage and kids. None of them would have volunteered for it first.

quote:

Originally posted by Midas Touch:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
All I'll say is I am glad I am gay and won't be having kids. Far too much hassle. Mind you the guy I have just started dating made a worrying comemtn about, "Why wouldn't you wwant children?"

what's your opinion on gays having children, and/or adopting?

Despite my above jokes, there is a bit of me that does believe that a male female committed couple does offer a particular level of stability and roundedness that must be considered desireable. But I knwo some wonderful amazing parents. And given the amount of children that never get adopted I would rather have gay couples adopt them than them spending their youuth in a home where the stats on failure are terrifying.

quote:

Originally posted by Christa:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
Certainly men tend to take longer to want serious commitments. But a lot of women also want to wait these days.

Some women want to wait which is fair enough.
But most women I know who want or have children have done so since they were at teenagers. They then have to wait a long time for men to 'catch up', unless they go out of their peer group & hook up with someone older.

I'm not blaming men btw as I can see clearly why many men don't want to think about kids before 30. But there is a problem that women are genetically built to want & have children when they're younger.

Well I will bow to what you say as clearly I know less about the female psyche. Certainyl women do tend to want children earluier - lets face it is biological and evolutionary. You don't have to go back too many centuries to find girls falling pregnant in their teens as being the norm (not that I am suggesting that as being desireable as a state of affairs).

quote:

Originally posted by Christa:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
Certainly men tend to take longer to want serious commitments. But a lot of women also want to wait these days.

Some women want to wait which is fair enough.
But most women I know who want or have children have done so since they were at teenagers. They then have to wait a long time for men to 'catch up', unless they go out of their peer group & hook up with someone older.

I'm not blaming men btw as I can see clearly why many men don't want to think about kids before 30. But there is a problem that women are genetically built to want & have children when they're younger.

Most of my friends who have always wanted kids waited until late twenties purely because they didn't want them young. They were lucky to meet their other halves and for it to work out as they wanted it to. One of my friends though who has always wanted kids has a fiance who was married young and has two children of his own and had a vasectomy years ago. Reversals are less likely to succeed the longer ago you were 'snipped' so I don't know if they have to resign themselves to not having any of their own. Another decision which has to be made. Do you love your partner enough to be with them and be happy without children or is your desire for children too great?

quote:

Originally posted by queenstomper:


I do agree. I think it would be fair to be given 12 months at 90% of pay. Just wouldn't be practical to smaller businesses and they would struggle.

If my company offered that, I'd be at home right now with SG junior. Or even two of them, who knows. If I could be a mum and still earn a good chunk of my salary, the decision would be made for me.

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:

quote:

Originally posted by Midas Touch:

quote:

Originally posted by Ewellguy:
All I'll say is I am glad I am gay and won't be having kids. Far too much hassle. Mind you the guy I have just started dating made a worrying comemtn about, "Why wouldn't you wwant children?"

what's your opinion on gays having children, and/or adopting?

Despite my above jokes, there is a bit of me that does believe that a male female committed couple does offer a particular level of stability and roundedness that must be considered desireable. But I knwo some wonderful amazing parents. And given the amount of children that never get adopted I would rather have gay couples adopt them than them spending their youuth in a home where the stats on failure are terrifying.

I understand totally

quote:

Originally posted by ShoppingGirl:
Until a few years ago, my boyfriends mates would refer to women who wanted to have kids as 'psychos'.

These women were looking for commitment, marriage and kids. And were considered to be very much the enemy, to be kept at bay at all costs. As the word implies, they were practically deemed as mentally unstable.

Now in their thirties, they take a much more balanced view. But even then, they've had to be gently persuaded by their partners into marriage and kids. None of them would have volunteered for it first.

Its strange isn't it. My fella really doesn't like the idea of having children, which I do (not yet though..) Yet he is the one who keeps dropping hints about marriage which horrifies me... plus he is generally anti marriage so I don't know whats got into him.
I do know a few women who weren't really fussed about marriage but did as their other halves wanted to. Men are much soppier than we think

He is obviously a very astute man who knows when he's found the buttered bread duff

quote:

Originally posted by ShoppingGirl:
Until a few years ago, my boyfriends mates would refer to women who wanted to have kids as 'psychos'.

These women were looking for commitment, marriage and kids. And were considered to be very much the enemy, to be kept at bay at all costs. As the word implies, they were practically deemed as mentally unstable.

Now in their thirties, they take a much more balanced view. But even then, they've had to be gently persuaded by their partners into marriage and kids. None of them would have volunteered for it first.

Absolutely my experience.

I don't know what's happened. Why is it seen as so odd for women to want to get married & have kids in their 20s?

My parents generation & my French cousins - everyone got/gets married much younger & don't make half such a fuss.

Women are damned for wanting to marry & mate in their 20s & then when they don't manage it, are damned for being 'selfish', 'un-natural' child-less career women in their 30s.

My sister got to 30 & panicked & married a twit because she was too afraid of finding someone new & not ending up with children.

quote:

Originally posted by Midas Touch:
I understand totally

My reluctance is not really based on my being gay but mroe on the fact that I know I would make a terrible father.

MT,
Ha ha, I think your right, no one else would put up with him like I do!

Only joking of course...

quote:

My sister got to 30 & panicked & married a twit because she was too afraid of finding someone new & not ending up with children.

Oh no!
Perhaps women would rather have children than a man, and men would rather have a woman than children? (I'm not the case for everyone)

quote:

Originally posted by duffle:
Perhaps women would rather have children than a man, and men would rather have a woman than children? (I'm not the case for everyone)

AHEM

And Christa, women just can't win. 39 year old single woman here who hasn't married because she hasn't met anyone really worth marrying. OK apart from 1 who I was silly enough to let go maybe.

quote:

Originally posted by duffle:
Men are much soppier than we think

I know bless'em.

My bf is quite broody - but he's 29 & French & a lot of his French friends are already married & have kids. But at 23 I'm way too young. If we're still together in few years we'll see...

23 !!!!!!!! jeez I feel old

quote:

Originally posted by Christa:
I don't know what's happened. Why is it seen as so odd for women to want to get married & have kids in their 20s?

Thats the thing... Women have to wait longer and longer until they can settle down.

Until they have children they are expected to go out an work and pay their way in society (which is fair enough) - but when the time comes to settle down and have children they are expected to give up everything that they have worked for and then be the perfect stay at home wife/mother!!!