I can't believe this one wasn't entered yet!It's a classic

Hey Marge, look at me - I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from happy land who lives in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane ... In case you didn't realize, I was being sarcastic - Homer Simpson

By the way - If you see yourself as the king of 1Liners, try your skillz on this site : www.my1liner.com

"I think if you're watching the wires, you're ignoring the story. I mean, if you go to a Punch and Judy show but only watch the wires, you're a freak." - Dean Learner [On 'flying' props], Garth Marenghi's Dark Place.

Hmmm, seemed funnier at the time.

Oh, or from Black Books:
"Maybe those other boys in book shops go out frolicking all night, but you're under my roof, this isn't waterstones!" - Bernard. (It was something along those lines.)

Pah, there's too many I can't choose.

Birds of a Feather

Sharon is ironing in the lounge. Tracey walks in with Dorian.

Tracy - Sharon can you do that somewhere else. Dorien doesn't want to see you ironing your smalls.

Dorian - Or in Sharon's case her "bigs".

There was also another one where Dorian was reading a holiday brochure for grand prix holidays. Sharon looks over her shoulder and says....

"I don't think that's how it's pronounced Dor."

Ali G in da USAiii -(To Buzz Aldrin)"Do you think man will ever walk on the sun?"
Aldrin "no"
Ali G "What about in the winter when the sun is cold?"

-but what will you do Bernard?
- I will drink heavily... and shout at you.

I had a wendy house when I was little, of course I called it a Gary house, I used to eat all of my meals in it. I mean I didn't want to but my parents insisted.

"I stand corrected, said the man in the orthopedic shoes"

"I may be many things, but not being indiscreet isn’t one of them."

"I love children. I’m not a paedophile obviously; I just think they’re great."

"I'll see you in Zurich"

"She looks like a scrotum in a hat"

"Oh my god! I've got some f*cking Jaffa cakes in my coat pocket!"

"I'm happy with who I am, and what I am, and it people don't like that, they can go kill themselves like mum did"

"I don't want to be part of your sex festival"

Alan Partridge! ha ha!

is the "I'm happy with who I am, and what I am, and it people don't like that, they can go kill themselves like mum did" quote from the League of Gentlemen?

quote:

Originally posted by Edgey:
Alan Partridge! ha ha!

is the "I'm happy with who I am, and what I am, and it people don't like that, they can go kill themselves like mum did" quote from the League of Gentlemen?

It certainly is!

quote:

Originally posted by Lazy wolf eyes:

quote:

Originally posted by Edgey:
Alan Partridge! ha ha!

is the "I'm happy with who I am, and what I am, and it people don't like that, they can go kill themselves like mum did" quote from the League of Gentlemen?

I like the scene in the league of Gentlemen when Mr Foot, in his shellsuit says to a blind guy, "I saw this Tales of The Unexpected and there was this eye thing on a stalk, and if you are lucky one day that could be you!"
It certainly is!

That one's brilliant. I also like this classic line from Bernice:

"If god had wanted us to walk everywhere he wouldn't have given us Little Chefs"

Not a sitcom but still fab
sometimes I like to get 4 chunky kitcats and I stick them together so that when I eat them I feel like a tiny little pixie.

If you were from the future you'd still be wrong

-They've taken Mr Rimmer, sir they've taken Mr Rimmer
-Quick lets get out of here before they bring him back

Here's a bunch from Coupling, all courtesy of Jeffrey.

'You know what having a girlfriend is like? having a girlfriend is like legalized sex!'

'She thinks I'm a mute with a balance problem.'

'professor moriarty, in groin form.'

'I've got the keys to the gates of paradies, but i've got too many legs!!!!'

'Its not true, i never use my tongue on people, its just for stamps and emergencies.'

'have you ever tried to pull out during an 'H' ?'

'I am grappling with the most ancient dilemma of man, she likes me, but which end?'

'I'm fairly new to mild naughtiness.'

"Fact of life, the longer a man doesn't see a woman naked the more he turns into a giant Hoover-pig."

'I just sort of Hoover...Obviously, now and then in the course of any kind of nudity Hoovering you're gonna ingest items, it's just part of the relationship. But, she usually doesn't notice so I remain calm, let nature take its course and then slip the relevant items back into her jewellery box.'

'do you want to see my secret toilet weapon?'

In GW, I love the Guy-ball stuff, like-

'no borrow tactics, and no hedgehogs, is that clear!'

'OK, I won the toss, so stickles are random, and it's a two-bounce ubique'

and of course, the hilariously accented
'doesh it shay no shmoking?'
and maybe- 'I bought you for 30p!'

On the guyball theme how about:
am I in the crouch position? am I displaying a cleft mitten? then how the f*cking hell can it be an emmentarloop?

From Fawlty Towers "Waldorf Salad"

Irate couple. "I'm not satisfied"

Basil "Well people like you never are.

Theres nothing I can do to please a pair like you apart from putting straw in the rooms"!

From Fawlty Towers:

Mother of a difficult son:
He's highly strung

Basil: Yes, he should be!

No way you big spastic! You're a mentalist!

Don't rub your fanny on me.

Smell my cheese you mutha!

from shaun of the dead when ed walks into the winchester

"Can i get any of you c*nts a drink"

Ive sh@t my breeks!


VICTOR in

STILL GAME

Blackadder:
"eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil."

quote:

Originally posted by MrAmphibian:

quote:

Originally posted by Pashmina:
Ah, didn't mean to be gnomic. It was more along the lines of "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". Or words to that effect. So not terribly funny really.

Didn't dear old President Bush try to quote that recently?

Came out as something like " Fool me once ..... um err....shame on you. Fool me twice (looks down at notes) ......um ....... fool me twice.....(looks at notes again, sweat on brow, desperation in eyes)..... Fool me twice.... I won't get fooled again!"

You couldn't write comedy like that.

I love Dubya's gaffes

" a lot of our imports come from abroad"

no sh!t lol

I like in only fools and horses where Rodney says something like
"I hope there isnt reincarnation knowing my luck ill come back as me!"

Nathanal sits on a spike, i sit on Nathanal to have two spikes would be an extravegance...

Black Adder II

Best one liner ever, erm. One that sticks in my mind and technically its two but,

Sam- I thought you you said you weren't gonna insult me anymore now that we're being intimate.

Diane- No I said I wouldn't insult you while we're being intimate.

Scrubbs throws out the odd pearl:

You should live with my friend, Anal McLooney

I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway.

I don't dislike you, I nothing you.