ross: yeah, well i think we should get married...
rachel: why?! because that's your answer to
everything?!?!
rachel: *bursts into tears* i can't see it!
ross: what?! you just said you did!
rachel: i know i lied! i didn't want her to think i was a terrible mother..i can't even see my own baby!
chandler: hey rachel, when you and ross were dating, did it bother you when ross flirted with other women?
rachel: no..no..it bothered me when he slept with other women...
rachel: i didn't have much to worry about. ross were never good at the whole flirting thing
ross: hey! it worked on you!
rachel: yeah...you're right. we met, you flirted and bam! 9 years later you had me!
rachel's dad: pregnant! rachel karen green, tell me you're not pregnant!
rachel: well yes and no....except not no.
rachel's dad: who's the father? *looks suspiciously at pheobe* please, tell me it's not her!
rachel: no, no, daddy; it's ross, ross geller; you like ross. *he shrugs* c'mon, caddy; you're going to be a grandfather. You're going to be a 'poppy'!
rachel's dad: you're right. i'm going to be a 'poppy'. okay, when's the wedding?
rachel: what?
rachel's dad: the wedding! rachel, don't tell me there's not going to be a wedding! don't tell me my first grandchild is going to be a *******!
rachel: ... february 2nd!!
rachel: what if she jumped out the basonet?
ross: can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped
rachel: oh my God, i left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: ...did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there, an-
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think, you know what... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: a..a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in..landed on the stove and caught fire! the baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: *glares* boy are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

i would go on
..
but i won't