I need some advice about what is the best way to deal with a situation. A woman I know has two children. The second one she adopted and she is now going through the process of adopting a third child. Initially, I did not think they would allow her to adopt again, as social workers had been concerned about her serious weight problem. They had stipulated that she need to lose about a third of her body weight. She has not lost that weight but as I understand it they are still going ahead with the adoption process. The woman lives near to me and although I would not choose her as a friend she often tells me things about her life. Frankly I am not impressed with her. I don't think that she treats her children with much respect and she mentions that her children are not doing particularly well at school which she blames on the teachers. I realise that on paper she might look like an excellent choice for an adoptive parent. She claims that she is a regular church goer (probably goes at christmas and easter). She trained as a nanny when she left school and has worked as a child minder (although none of her charges seem to stay with her for longer than a couple of months). A while ago she took a part-time job that meant that she couldn't pick up her minded children from nursery after the morning session. She sub-contracted the work to her unqualified, unemployed friend who at the time had a daughter of her own and was heavily pregnant. One lunchtime I was walking home from the nursery with my child I saw the friend who was walking home with 3 minded children and her own daughter. The daugher was being unco-operative and sat down on the pavement. The friend lost her temper and, with the 3 children looking on, she proceeded to shake and hit her daughter.

I feel that the woman has shown very poor judgement in her choice of this friend.

I wonder whether people think that I should jeopodise the adoption by ringing social services? I am questioning my own motives. I think the woman is a a "good enough parent" but wonder whether it is advisable for her to adopt again. Am I just being snobby because I find her rather thick and uncultured and frankly rather repulsive to look at. (Not only is she grossly overweight but she also has rather alot of facial hair) or are my concerns genuine?

Try and imagine her as an image of yourself rather than what she actually looks like, which oftern clouds our judgment, and ask yourself again if you are comfortable with the level of care the children are receiving from her.

How does this compare to the potential of what could happen if they were taken away from her - care homes etc. Would it balance off against that?

The social services would probably have looked closely into how this woman lives her life before allowing her to adopt (I know as my cousins have done it) so she her as a fit candidate and surely would have reviewed the situation before looking into placing another child with her.

As for her weight I guess that's down to the social services to investigate further.

However, if you feel the children are coming to harm then that's another matter. How about approaching her first with what you saw regarding her friend? How would she react to that do you think?

Thanks for taking an interest Chicken.

As I mentioned in my post I do feel that the woman is a good enough parent to her existing children and would not wish them to be removed from her. In any case I think that would be highly unlikely.

I suppose my reluctance to call Social services is based on the fact that she might lose her Ofsted registration and would therefore be unable to earn any money working as a child-minder. Secondly, I think it would not take her long to work out who called Social Serivices and that could be quite uncomfortable as I see this woman almost every day.

As I mentioned before, Social Services now nolonger seem to be concerned about her obesity as they have agreed to go to a "panel" to discuss her adoption of a baby girl.

I know that there is a shortage of babies up for adoption and I believe that there must be many potential parents out there who would make much better parents to the new baby than this woman. I am really mystified at SS's decision to allow her to adopt again.

Is it my duty to give my opinion so as to allow the Social workers to have as much information as possible on which to base their decisions or should I leave well alone?

I think you should tell them about the facial hair.