Well folks - who's up for this? I'll start the ball rolling with a first line or three eh?:
shopping: With a sell-by of Christmas ... tabloid: With Chantelle as his mistress ... daft: Ron the elf shaves at Christmas ...
I'm sure someone can do better - Friday eve & I'm tired. ...............................................
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Twelve drummers drumming, Eleven pipers piping, Ten lords a-leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a-milking, Seven swans a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a pear tree!
Today's tradtional christmas our way usually consists of 12 Aunties shouting, 11 Punches throwing, 10 Children crying, 9 Coppers join in...... You get the gist.
It's the time of year BUPA get annoyed with pay outs.
I wasn't the only one who laughed when the news said the Plymouth Hoe was on fire....Member 4675 of the RubyMae James fanclub XX
Okay, I'll throw one into the hat. It's a bit weak, but it might lead to a couple of better ones...
On the twelfth day of christmas, my true love gave to me... Twelve sexy women, Eleven of them grinning, Ten with rigormortis, Nine with halitosis Eight wanted laying, Seven wanted paying, Six started praying...
Five had itchy ri-ings!
Four were in a mood, Three were rather rude, Two were in the nude, And the last one had a bigger cock than me!
This is my signature, there are many like it but this one is mine.
While on the beat at Christmas, you’ll come across some things Twelve done-in drug lords, Eleven prancing piss-heads, Ten lying suspects, Nine guns a-blazing, Eight mental mailmen, Seven stolen sofas, Six gangs a-fighting, Five broken bones, Four street brawls, Three fake gems, Two rabid dogs, And a kitten stuck in a tree!
If anybody wants to record a version of their song and needs the backing track just let me know via my contact thingummy on my profile and I'll e-mail it to you.
If you don't have the software to overlay your vocals you can send the vocal recording back to me and I can overlay it with the software I have and send the finished track back.
This is my signature, there are many like it but this one is mine.
Perhaps a wife/hubby keeping a list? At the last straw of christmas my true love said 'you B*' 12 times out clubbing 11 times stole my pin 10 times home weekends 9 times etc
At the clinic the christmas some blokes were suffering 12 Weeping sores 11 Painful rashes 10 Stuck in hoovers 9 kicked in barfights 8 caught in zippers 7 Golfers nipples 6 Carpet burns 5 Cock rings 4 With VDs 3 tied up 2 In handcuffs 1 And a rent boy with HIV
Ok. I'm wearing clothes now. But I'm not gonna pretend to be happy about it.
Actually GS, I do quite like your idea of what has become a 'traditional Christmas'and am intrigued by the whole binge drinking culture thing (I did once re-word Madness' 'I like driving in my car'for some alcopop-swigging limo girls)so how about a girl binge version...
We've had twelve crates of Fosters/breezers/ (or get the word sisters in there?) We bought 10, got 2 free Bells, keep it comin' ... etc with drinks that rhyme with original words where poss.
last line something like 'and we're undressed and stuck in Newquay!'
