Mrs. Smith's husband refused to give her more spending money. So, one day she told Mr.Smith that if he wouldn't give her mone money she'd go out and earn it herself. "HA!" was his response. So the next day Mrs. Smith left the house with her fishnet stockings on and a leather miniskirt. When Mr. Smith arrived home Mrs. Smith was not home yet. Soon she returned looking like something the cat dragged in. Mr. Smith asked,"Well dear, how much money did you make today? Mrs. Smith said 7 dollars and 25 cents. Chuckling, Mr. Smith asks,"Who gave you the 25 cents. "They all did" replied Mrs. Smith.

1234


After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.

Finally the doctor says to him: "This is all in your mind." and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor says: "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
The witch doctor says: "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year!
All you have to do is say '1-2-3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says: "1-2-3" and suddenly he gets an erection.

His wife turns over and says: "What did you say '1-2-3' for?"

Ali G


Ali G's Sister is pregnant and has a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no
longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am,
you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?". "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad
name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Groooan!

The Love Dress


The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.
She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy.
I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress.
When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" she replied.

"Needs ironing." he said

Miles


Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark.
"Faith, Mike, we've stumbled into the graveyard and here's the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!"

"Glory be, Patrick and was it anybody we knew?"

"No, 'twas someone named 'Miles from Dublin'!"

Nice one

must remember that

A woman was asking her priest for advise to keep her husband from coming home drunk every night of the week. The priest's advise was to dress up like the devil and scare her husband as he walked home from the pub. So the next evening, she dressed as the devil and came upon her husband as he stumbled on his way home.
" Stop drinking or there'll be hell to pay!" she screetched at her husband.
" Oh My, the devil!" the man exclaimed." I think I'm married to your sister."

my b-i-l will loke that one

good one