(Ambulance drivers (Bennie and Gretchen) are traveling down a night neighborhood street, lights and siren on but moving quite slow. Gretchen is driving, Bennie is frantically reading map)
Gretchen: Come on come on!
Bennie: I’m going just..don’t rush me!
Gretchen: Don’t rush you! We have a 23 year old bleeding somewhere around here, and you saying don’t rush?!
Bennie: I know we need to rush, just don’t rush me WATCH THE CAT!
(thump)
Gretchen: Too late, we can’t turn around
Bennie: Some paramedic you are, that was some little girls pet
Gretchen: Some little girl, you don’t know that. Could be a old racists cat, anyway it was a squirrel
Bennie: We still need to show compassion, it’s a living thing
Gretchen: Not anymore. It jsut kinda blows your little girl theory out of the...
(thump)
Bennie: ANOTHER squirrel!
Gretchen: No, THAT was a cat.
Bennie: Two heartbroken girls in one night, and another without a functioning one if we don’t hurry.
Gretchen: I’m going, map-boy. If you hadn’t started us on the wrong ‘Hurley Ave’ we’d be doing fine. Plus, one little girl, that was a squirrel first time
Bennie: Squirrels can be pets! I saw it on a documentary once TURN LEFT!
(screeches round bend)
Gretchen: Ok that’s a BAD method of instructions
Bennie: Its these dam house numbers, why don’t they make them reflective! Grr, if i had me time again as Minister for Planning and Infrastructure.
Gretchen: Its fine, I’ll just turn my high beams on!
Bennie: No! Its 11:00pm in suburbia, you’ll wake everybody up!
Gretchen: We’ve got the siren on!
Bennie: I’m not happy about that either
Gretchen: Oh so you just want to causally drive to the emergency, moron!
Bennie: Don’t call me a moron, doodle-head! There streets are clear, there’s not traffic to cut through!
Gretchen: Did you call me doodle-head?
Bennie: ...no
Gretchen: You did!
Bennie: Shut up!
Gretchen: What are you like, five!
Bennie: Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate
Gretchen: Oh, little Bennie’s trying to read!
Bennie: Seriously, emergency victim, and these roads are difficult to navigate
Gretchen: Yeah, well your taking too long, give it here
Bennie: No way! You’ll cause an accident!
Gretchen: Well we’ve got the equipment to deal with it, hand the map over
Bennie: No, ok, you got to drive; I get to read the map.
Gretchen: Oh for goodness sakes, be mature
Bennie: Hey, I’m not that one who ‘bags it, no changies’, turn left at the next turn, its almost Freudian hey way your drawn to this big shiny flashing pseudo-co...
Gretchen: It’s a cul-de-sac
Bennie: Cold sack of what?
Gretchen: Cul-de-sac, there’s no left turn.
Bennie: Well, right then...
Gretchen: There’s no turn! It’s one big ’you’ve gone too far’ cartoon stop sign
Bennie: Oh... (Frantically combs book)...dear
Gretchen: We’re lost, aren’t we?
Bennie: I wouldn’t say it like that
Gretchen: How would you say it?
Bennie: Well...
End