Afternoon in The Oval Office, President Bush is sat at his desk when Dick Cheney walks in.
CHENEY: Sir -
BUSH: Now Tigger, how many times do I have to tell you? I like to keep it informal around here! Call me "Bootsy".
CHENEY: "Bootsy", I have some bad news regarding the senate confirmation hearings for your latest nomination.
BUSH: Why those nit-picking, ass-scratching morons! Who are they objecting to now? My supreme court justice nomination? My choice for UN ambassador?
CHENEY: No sir, they don't like your choice for Whitehouse dog.
BUSH: Barney, my Scottish terrier?! I didn't even know those pencil-pushing, rubber-stampin' pinheads needed to confirm him.
CHENEY: Oh yes sir. All Whitehouse nominations have to be examined with rigour. We need to know Barney is solid on flag-burning, gay marriage, evolution - you know - all the really important issues.
BUSH: Well, what's wrong with the little feller? He's as cute as a button ain't he, Chucklepuss?
CHENEY: Oh yes sir. Very. But the Democrats are objecting to his record on the environment.
BUSH: Say what?
CHENEY: They claim he once pooped in a pot-plant.
BUSH: Well so what? I don't give a good god-damn what them flag-burnin', reacharound-givin' liberals think! C'mon Chickenstick! Are you with me on this?
CHENEY: I would be sir, but unfortunately the Christian coalition are against you as well.
BUSH: The Christians you say? That's bad news. I need them boys with me when the Rapture comes. What's the problem?
CHENEY: I... I hate to break this to you sir...
BUSH: Spit it out boy, you're all feathers and no squawk.
CHENEY: Well, certain pictures have been made public... damaging pictures... and there are rumours that Barney could be gay.
BUSH: Barney?! A quiche-lovin', showtune-singin' poop-prodder? I don't believe it! Who are they sayin' he's been doin' the Unholy Shimmy with?
CHENEY: It appears he's been having a homosexual relationship with your leg for some years now sir.
BUSH: Oh dear lord... I didn't know... how could I know...?
CHENEY: There's also a strong possibility your leg will be impeached sir.
BUSH: Well that's it - I'm withdrawing my nomination for Barney. In fact, heck with it, let's put the little sumbitch to sleep.
CHENEY: Good choice sir. That does leave the post of Whitehouse lapdog open again though.
BUSH: Good point. Get that Tony Blair feller on the phone would ya? See if he's available yet.
