Reduced Life Expectancy for Administration workers on the Death Star.
(The expansion of the Death Star continues at pace. The pressure for back office to keep up is producing tensions at all levels within the Imperial administration)
Setting: Death Star, Meeting Room 12b (15 person conference room with VC facilities)...its Monday morning.
Imperial Administrator (Chairman): ...certainly Lord Vader i understand IT are working on your email access, Jane, in the meantime, can you get a print out of the Excel spreadsheets requested?
Jane (Secretary): Relating to storm trooper attrition rates?
Imperial Administrator (Chairman): No Jane, you heard Lord Vader, those plotting the quarter on quarter increase in Rebel activity in the Hoff system
Jane (Secretary): Of course, sorry, I'll have them on your desk by close of play today my Lord.
Darth Vader: Your thoughts betray you Jane, i sense great indecision in you.
Jane (Secretary): I assure you Lord Vader, the spreadsheets will be presented on time.
Darth Vader: For your sake, i hope so...
Imperial Administrator (Chairman): OK, that pretty much wraps up the Monday meeting, finally any other business?
Emperor: It has come to my attention that the performance of some within the HR department is pitiful, ultimately jeopardising the efficiency of the Galactic Empire.
Imperial HR Officer: Your Highness, we have a full time staff of 7 covering this battle-station, 2 are on long term sick and we expect to increase Death Star headcount to over 14,000 before the end of the year and that doesn't include the arrival of new Storm Trooper units...we...
Darth Vadar: Long term sick?
Imperial HR Officer: Yes, my Lord.
Darth Vadar: With what HR Officer?
Imperial HR Officer: Electrical burns...all over the body, they have been in the medical bay for 4 weeks.
(The Emperor looks on knowingly)
Emperor: It would appear that you failed to foresee the expansion of this battle-station and it is your lack of vision has directly contributed to this crisis Officer.
Imperial HR Officer (visibly sweating, slight tremor in voice): Your Highness, this years intake from the Imperial Graduate scheme was higher than anybody could have anticipated...the Milk Round alone attracted 300 new candidates...your demands for extra manpower means that we are working 20 hour days just to stand still...
Emperor: Payroll is creaking, your team are demotivated and your sick friends, down there in the medical facility, are going to die...soon you will realise Officer, the full consequences of your failure.
Imperial HR Officer: (Desperate) We will re-double our efforts, we have already put plans in place to automate the payroll system, the complications with expense claim payments are being investigated...
Emperor: Silence...The Rebels are re-organising whilst we are unable to administer expense payments to the Regional Governors...you have failed me for the last time Officer...
(Flash of blue light and the Emperor strikes the Imperial HR Officer with a large dose of force lightening, the Imperial HR Officer collapses to the ground, smoke emanating from all over his smoldering body).
Imperial Administrator (Chairman): (Pressing intercom button and leaning forward): Carol, could you arrange for facilities to come to room 12b please...yes...a four wheeled stretcher....sure....yes, another of the HR Officers...no, straight to medical will be fine...sure...thanks.
Imperial Administrator (Chairman): OK, just a quick reminder that the fire alarm test will be carried out in sector D this afternoon. Thank you.
(Meeting ends, attendees rise and shuffle towards to exit)
Darth Vader: Coffee?
Emperor: Lets wait a while my friend, i have a meeting with the ICTO (Imperial Chief Technical Officer) about the recent IT issues affecting this battle station.
