This sketch was inspired by the performances of Junk Males Danny and Jack in MC’s sketch ‘Feral Businessmen’ and I cast them both in this, if they are prepared to do it with Danny as Sebastian, the Vampire Instructor and Jack as Abstemious, the trainee vampire. Take it away fellas! I’m producing/directing, cameraman and making the teas! Roll ‘em! (Set: The same hallway as used for Danny’s ‘Infestation’ ;-)
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INT. HALLWAY OF A FLAT. TWO VAMPIRES IN FULL REGALIA. SEBASTIAN HAS A PONY TAIL!

SEBASTIAN: (TOSSES HIS HEAD BACK)
It's just not good enough, Abstemious..

ABSTEMIOUS:
I'm truly sorry, Sebastian..

SEBASTIAN:
You're the worst trainee I've ever had.. a vampire that doesn’t like blood.. you've made me a laughing stock, you really have..

ABSTEMIOUS:
I've said I'm sorry (PAUSE) perhaps if you set me another project.. mind you, I do find that the project work is a case of style over substance..

SEBASTIAN: (EXASPERATED)
Not that again..

SHOOTING SCRIPT NOTE: IN THE FOLLOWING LINE FROM ABSTEMIOUS, ON THE WORD ‘GOD’ WE CLOSE UP BRIEFLY ON A SHOCKED SEBASTIAN. ON THE WORD ‘HELL’ WE SEE AN APPROVING SEBASTIAN. ALSO, ON THE WORD ‘HELL’ BOTH PROTAGONISTS CROSS THEMSELVES (BOTH DIFFERENTLY AND INCORRECTLY).

ABSTEMIOUS:
We-l-l.. God, (BEAT) these hideous capes, the bloody fangs, the white faces, only coming out at night and (BEAT) sleeping in coffins.. why the Hell (PAUSE) ..why do we bother with all that nonsense? The blood is always fake anyway…

SEBASTIAN: (SHOCKED ARM-WAVING DISMAY)
Abstemious! Shhhh! Shhhh! Someone might hear you! You're undermining the very foundations of Vampirism...

THE LETTERBOX RATTLES AND A LETTER LANDS ON THE MAT. A CALMER SEBASTIAN PICKS IT UP.

SEBASTIAN:
It's from Personnel and marked 'Urgent', I'd better open it.. (OPENS LETTER AND READS RESIGNEDLY) It’s as I feared, they've revoked my training licence!

THERE IS A RUSHING, CRACKLING SOUND AND WE CUT TO SMALL PILE OF SMOKING ASHES ON THE HALL FLOOR. ABSTEMIOUS BENDS DOWN AND TALKS TO THE PILE OF ASHES.

ABSTEMIOUS:
I'm truly sorry, Sebastian!

END

If that was set a a desk in the form of a staff appraisal I think this could really work.

There could be a series of them. Hammer House of Horror HR department.

I look forward to the finished video, acted in the Boris Karloff style and hammed up....

Do Junkmales do hamming???