OK, its not reality TV but the idea came from it...
This is my third attempt at putting something on this forum. I removed a URL and took out swear words. Unless the moderators object to offensive terms like ‘hello’, this one might get through.
TWO ALIENS, COMPLETE WITH EGG SHAPED HEADS AND ANTENNAE, BURST INTO THE PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE. THE PM AND THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER STOP THIER DISCUSSION IN MID-SENTECE
ALIEN LEADER: Are you the <BLEEP> leader? [The BLEEP sounds like the monotone sound used to block out swear words before the watershed]
PRIME MINISTER: Er... yes, that's me.
ALIEN LEADER: [turning to his colleague] See, I <BLEEP> told you that the <BLEEP> human down the <BLEEP> road <BLEEP> gave us the right <BLEEP> directions. [turning back to the Prime Minister] My <BLEEP> name is <BLEEP> Jeddaguddi and I have <BLEEP> come to your <BLEEP> world to make <BLEEP> contact.
PRIME MINISTER: I see
ALIEN LEADER: <BLEEP> Yeah Too <BLEEP> right I ave. I've been <BLEEP> watching your <BLEEP> television transmission and <BLEEP> learned your <BLEEP> language.
PRIME MINISTER: Television transmission? Do you mean that the messages sent at SETI actually worked?
ALIEN LEADER: Settee? <BLEEP> settee? I tell you <BLEEP> what mate, there was a <BLEEP> lotta <BLEEP> stuff that I learnt from the <BLEEP> settee.
PRIME MINISTER: Look, sorry, I was talking about the satellite communication station looking for extra terrestial life, er... well... I suppose we were looking for you.
ALIEN LEADER: Well you <BLEEP> found me now, ennit! [the alien leader burps and then farts before continuing] What I was <BLEEP> watching was what you <BLEEP> humans <BLEEP> identify with a big 'f<BLEEP> off' eye and some scatty <BLEEP> rapid music <BLEEP> bleeps.
PRIME MINISTER: [His expression changes from confusion to enlightenment as he realises that the alien had watched a reality TV show] Aaaah, I understand now. So every time you, er, 'bleep' it represents a swear word or some sort of profanity that we do not allow our younger viewers to hear.
ALIEN LEADER: Really?
PRIME MINISTER: Yes
ALIEN LEADER: It is not a necessary part of your language?
PRIME MINISTER: No
ALIEN LEADER: And even though your TV transmission showed ordinary people using ordinary language, it is not a reflection of your people?
PRIME MINISTER: Good lord no.
ALIEN LEADER: <BLEEP>
PRIME MINISTER: Look er, Mr Jeddaguddi, we don't all swear like that. Its usually only those people of lower intelligence who place a swear word liberally throughout their langauge.
ALIEN LEADER: [coldly] I see. [The alien leader turns to his colleague and starts shouting and waving his arms about] You stupid <BLEEP> <BLEEP> <BLEEP> anemic chicken <BLEEP> son of an underccoked <BLEEP> stock cube. What <BLEEP> kind of <BLEEP> research <BLEEP> assistant are you anyway!!
PRIME MINISTER: Please, please, just a moment. It was clearly an honest mistake and I hope you will believe me when I say sincerely that no harm has been done.
ALIEN LEADER: I'm sorry to have troubled you. We clearly do not have as much in common as we first imagined.
PRIME MINISTER: b-b-but surely we can learn so much from each other. Would you not consider giving it a chance.
ALIEN LEADER: Not <BLEEP> likely. You're <BLEEP> obviously too <BLEEP> intelligent to <BLEEP> talk to the <BLEEP> likes of us. Lower <BLEEP> intelligence you say? Think your <BLEEP> don't stink? Well <BLEEP> good for you! [The alien leader storms out, pushing his colleague out in front of him. When he is just out of the door you can hear him say] "W <BLEEP>
