(in the Daily Bugle, Clark Kent is tapa-taping on the computer. On the screen pops up with paper-clip icon)
Clip (written): It looks like the nefarious Wind Warlock is terrorising downtown. Would you like to help?
(The superman theme plays. Clark clicks ‘Accept’ [out of accept, decline, ingnore, profit from], goes to get up. Screen changes)
Clip: How would to like to help?
(Clark clicks ‘Rescue’ [contact authorities, send up the bat-signal, rescue, join antagonist]. Clark tries to leave again, but...)
Clip: How do you wish to get there?
(options [walk, taxi, tram, rickshaw, space shuttle]. Obviously, there sin’t an ‘Unmanned Flight” option, so he has to type it in.)
Clip: Search not found. Do you mean ‘undermined flirt’
Annoyed, tries to close the bar.
Clip: Your leaving? But what of the lives at sake?
Tries again
Clip: The unwanton destruction?
And again
Clip: The decrease in property values?
Again
Clip: Heartless *******.
Another paper-clip pops up
Clip 2: Its looks like your trying to close a paper clip. Would you like some help?
Relenting, Clark clicks yes.
Clip 2: Are you sure?
Yes, clark is
Clip 2: Have you considerd trying peaceful negations?
Clark angrily types in “Now, or I’ll delete you”
Clip 2: Ok ok, jeez.
Closes 1st paper clip.
Clip 2: Can I be of further service?
Selects option “close paperclip”. Another pops up
Clip 3: It looks like your trying to close a paper clip, would ....
Clark is angrily banging through options, trying to make them go away. Another pops up. Finally, he finds the “total close “ button. Gone. Going to leave but, oh wait, another pops up!
Clip 7: Are you satisfied with the paperclip?
Clicks “I guess so”
Clip 7: Would you please fill out a customer review form?
Clicks “No”
Clip 7: You don’t mind? Great.
A huge long questionnaire comes up. Clark frantically clicks away, it won’t budge then Zip screen dead, Clark as ripped computer from socket.
Goes to rescue, pulling shirt to revel ‘S’ but...
Mr White: Ah, Clark, just the man.
Clark: God Oh, hi Perry, err Mr White, umm chief.
White: Don’t call me Chief! Have you finished that Agricultural Parade article yet?
Clark: Ah, well not yet but...
White: Well dam it Clark, you better get a san-Francisco shake on, we go to print 5!
Clark: I know, I just need to pop out for a minute or so..
White: Great Caesars ghost! You can’t ‘pop out’, you’ve ‘popped out’ three 18 times this week. This is a work-place, a 9-5 clean cut office, now you stay here a work!
Clark: But I...it’s an emergency!
White: Why, what is it?
Clark: Wha...its, umm, personal.
White: Personal?
Clark: Yeah, yeah, personal
White: What you got PMS, you’ve blown your personals, after 5 ‘coffee breaks’ this morning, reporter, report where you’re going!
Clark: Well, its...
White: Yes?
Clark: Its my mum
White: Go on
Clark: I need to help her move
White: Really
Clark: Yeah
White: Your mum?
Clark: Yeah
White: in Smallville?
Clark: ....ye.. no, no she moved.
White: Moved?
Clark: Yeah.
White: To the city?
Clark: Real close by
White: And now she’s moving again.
Clark: ......................yes
White: Your lying, aren’t you.
Clark: Well, yes, but only to protect my real reason.
White: Which is?
Clark: Which is?
White: Which is!
Clark: Umm, I have...a medical condition.
White: Go on
Clark: Which makes me....pee...a lot, many times a day.
White: Oh jeepers me boy, I am sorry. Do you need to go now?
Clark: Yes, yes I do. Very badly.
White: Right well, don’t let me stop you
(Clark starts walking off)
Clark: Right. Here I go, off to pee...
White: Bathrooms the other way.
Clark: Hmm? Oh, well yes. But ah, I can’t go to...that one.
White: Why?
Clark: Unhygienic. I fear bacteria. Its part of my condition.
White: Well, use mine. I’ve never used it, 30 years of nothing but these cigars have blocked me like a New England patriot.
Clark: Wow, that’s....over-specifically generous of you, but i really need to go....outside the building.
White: On the sidewalk?
Clark: No no just....not here. its another condition...its like claustrophobia...except for toilets...at work. Now please I really have to go, or they’re will be...consequences
White: What a load of crap.
Clark: That’s one of the consequences, yes.
White: That’s not the reason you need to leave
Clark: It could be
White: Look, for the love of the great shades of Elvis, amen, why do you need to leave!
Radio: And it has just been confirmed, Wind Warlock has finished his tirade of tornado terror. 140 are dead, many more critically inj...
(Clark turns off radio)
Clark: Never mind chief, I’m cool. I’ll have the report on your desk by three.
White: You Clark are what makes this country great. Good old-fashioned capitalism.
Announcer: Tune in next week when Superman takes on trade unions.
(cut to superman, holding man off edge of building)
Clark: If the immigrants want to work, let them! It benefits them, and keeps more profit for the CEO’s.
Man: Ok man, ok, Christ, don’t take a Protest pamphlet.
end

The Perry White character is great. Nice original idea that kicks it off. Typifies a lot of those prompts, where you're asked to sign up for something and next thing they want to know your granny's maiden name and all and sundry. Great sketch.