Hello, this is Steve McClaren. Unfortunately I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message after the thingymajig.
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CALLER #1: Hello, Steve. My name's Charlie. I work at Wembley Stadium. I've been told to contact you because you left your large brolly behind in the dressing room on Wednesday night. If you want it back, please contact me on ......... If you don't call within 48 hours I'm putting it on eBay.
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CALLER #2: Hello, I just want to say I'm a Scotland supporter and now I really love Croatia. Thanks for Wednesday, Steve. You're an absolute star.
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CALLER #3: Hello Steve mate, how's it going? I suppose you must be absolutely gutted about Wednesday. If you want my opinion, the players definitely let you down. I shouldn't worry too much - it wasn't your fault. Er, regarding next week, I think it's probably best if you don't come down and open the new school gym. I've been talking to some of the teachers and school kids and - regretably - most of them are very keen to put your neck on a big chopping block. And then they basically want to kick your decapitated head around the playground. I hope you won't take that too personally, Steve. Anyway, I'll speak to you soon. Take it easy. Bye.
END.
* IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WASTE A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR COMEDY GOLD. REMEMBER, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SWEAR!
