Sketches below are in a kind of comic book format as I'm collaborating with an animator on a strip, so please bear in mind. Interspersed with a few thoughts. Feedback/criticism is very welcome. Thanks.
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My Mother’s DIY Skills
My mother helps me to decorate my apartment, putting up curtains and laying down the carpets. Even her physical frame indicates how helpful she is. Her height is exactly 0.7284 times the width of the big window in the sitting room and 0.8791 times the length of my bedroom wardrobe. So when we go shopping for furniture and curtains, we don't even have to take a measuring tape.
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Simile
A picture of a person smiling with an eyeball between his teeth.
“This is a simile. It’s a smile, with an eye in it.”
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When CGI has Gone Too Far
FRAME 1:
A teenager (in baseball cap) sits at a computer with his mother.
Mother: How did they do that? The special effects are amazing, he looks so real when he talks!
FRAME 2:
Teenager: It’s not special effects, Mom!
Mother: What?
Teenager: That’s what President Bush really said!
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Chicken Coop
Two hens sitting in a coop.
Chicken 1: What are you in for?
Chicken 2: Laying eggs. You?
Chicken 1: Laying eggs.
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Couple’s Therapy
FRAME 1: A married couple, Martin and Lisa, sitting on a couch.
A speech bubble comes from beyond the frame, representing the therapist talking.
Therapist: Lisa, I know you’re having difficulties because you think that all that Martin’s interested in is sex. But let’s start with the positives. Why have you decided to stay with him?
FRAME 2:
Lisa: Well, he really turns me on when he puts his hands on my breasts.
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Luke’s not very frugal
Between the films The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, it’s claimed in some sources that Luke Skywalker constructed the new lightsaber that he has in the final film after losing the one he had in the second film. That’s actually not true. What happened was, although he was still on his probationary period, his Jedi health insurance had kicked in as soon as he started training under Ben Kenobi. So when he lost his hand in the duel with Darth Vader, he got a fat cheque which he blew on a new fancy-pants lightsaber.
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The funny things kids say
FRAME 1: A mother and her four-year-old boy in the kitchen.
Mother: A coochie-coo! A coochie-woochie woo!
Child: Mom! I’m a big boy now! Stop talking baby talk! I’m nearly five.
FRAME 2:
Mother: Ah, but you’re such a little cutie-wutie! Ah boogie-woogie woo! Do you want to come with Mommy to the shops?
Child: Will you buy me sweets?
Mother: No, because big boys don’t eat sweety weets. They eat broccoli!
FRAME 3:
Child: I hate broccoli!
Mother: Go get Mommy’s shoes now and we’ll go to the shops.
Child: No! Get your own shoes! I’m only four!
Mother: Oh, the liggle wiggle baby won’t get Mommy’s shoes?
FRAME 4:
Child (roaring): STOP UNDERMINING ME BY SUBVERTING CONVENTION!
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The Three Different Kinds of Fabric Softener
All types of fabric softener make your clothes feel soft after they’re washed. Some types of fabric softener also help to prevent static cling. Other types of fabric softener make the clothes smell good when you store them away. A third type of fabric softener both helps to prevent static cling and makes the clothes smell good when you store them away. That’s the best kind.
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The Differences Between English and French Cuisine
In July 2005, Jacques Chirac, Gerhard Schroeder and Vladimir Putin were having a bit of fun and slagging off the British. Jacques Chirac said:
“One cannot trust people whose cuisine is so bad.”
It’s shocking that a head of state would make that kind of comment, even in jest. It is a racist statement and you could have used the same kind of logic to send Jews from Vichy France to camps in Eastern Europe in the 1940s. You know, you could say “You can’t trust people who eat funny kosher food.”
What he’s effectively saying is that British people are unreliable and duplicitous and sly because they make crap food. Now call me irrational, but there’s only really one standard that you can apply in order to determine whether a country is a country full of adulterous, unreliable, cheating opportunists. Unlike Jacques Chirac, I happen to think that a country is a country full of adulterous, unreliable, cheating opportunists only if that country is in actual fact full of adulterous, unreliable, cheating opportunists. And I wouldn't be so bold as to point the finger at any one nation to label them such. Unlike Jacques Chirac, I'd like to think I'm above making such a crass, racist generalisation, even in jest. But they sure do have some great cuisine.
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Languages
Ireland is a multicultural country now, no doubt about it. You can see it in the number of languages spoken on the street. I overheard a group of Germans the other evening and it’s amazing what you can pick up. I feel pretty confident that I could get on pretty well now over in Germany from the few words I managed to understand in the conversation that I eavesdropped on.
Like: “Sex shop.”
And: “Swingers’ Club.”
Now, I have no immediate plans to go to Germany, but if I ever did decide to go, I’d be sorted.
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Private Security Firms Employing Very Slightly Worrying Number of Illegal Immigrants in Ireland
A report published by the Central Statistics Office details a massive rise in the employment of illegal immigrants by private security companies, with figures more than trebling in the last three years. 2003 figures show that security firms in the Republic of Ireland provided work for two foreign nationals who resided in the state illegally. By 2006, however, that number had leapt to seven. Unconfirmed data suggests that as many as an eighth man could be working as a security guard in the North.
Am at work so could only scan them quickly, but, i like: the chicken coup egg-laying joke and the funny things kids say.
Funny things kids say is great and could be made shorter and therefore more punchy, i reckon. perhaps tie together 'stop talking baby talk' closer to the punchline at the end ('stop subverting convention'). You could maybe also keep it as is, but make the mum's lines ultra-baby talk the whole way through and have the kid getting increasingly tired of it until he finally yells at her at the end? That'd emphasise the (very good) punchline a lot more.
Also liked the couple's therapy - would look good in a comic strip format.
