SHOP: What? H-how are you going to buy money? Do you have money?
MAN: I’ve got, do I have… I’ve got 20.. I have 20 pockets. I lie, 10. be fair 7. I’ll buy a fiver off you with 1 of my pockets.
SHOP: Soo.. basically what you’re doing is selling me your pocket for a fiver.
MAN: No, no, no I wouldn’t sell a pocket, but I am willing to buy a fiver off you with my pocket. I don’t want to sell anything, I want to buy things you see.
SHOP: But you sir want a fiver for your pocket. Therefore you’re selling me your pocket.
MAN: You have me all wrong….
SHOP: Look I don’t want to buy….
MAN: But you’re not buying, I’m buy…
SHOP: Ok, I don’t want to buy anything fullstop.
MAN: How did you know my name?
SHOP: It’s on your briefcase ‘Tom Fullstop’.
MAN: How else did you know?
SHOP: I only need to find out once to know what your name is. I’ll give you the fiver now if you just leave my shop.
MAN: I’ll buy a tenner off you with some fluff.
SHOP: That’s the same idea again! ANOTHER SHOPKEEPER ENTERS.
SHOP: Fred you’ve got to help me out here. This fellow wants to sell me his pockets!
2ND SHOPKEEPER CLICKS HIS FINGERS CONFIDENTLY, ROOTS AROUND PULLS OUT A PAPER, SITS DOWN AND STARTS READING IT.
SHOP: What are you doing?
SHOP2: I’m reading the paper.
1ST SHOPKEEPER TURNS TO MAN WITH AN AIR OF SUBMISSION.
SHOP: Look I’ll buy your fluff for a fiver.
MAN: No. I’m buying your fiver…
SHOP: Whatever!
MAN: You’re robbing me blind. This is top of the range fluff you know. Woven in the fluff mills of…
SHOP: (sarcastically)Yeah I’m sure it was!
MAN: I’ll buy that tenner off you by me leaving.
SHOP: Just leave for God sake!
MAN: Just a snickers and I’m off.
SHOP: Ok a snickers for 1 of your pockets and it’s the last I see of you.
MAN: No Way!
OPENS BRIEFCASE FULL OF MONEY.
MAN: How about cash instead?
SHOP: I’ll, I’ll buy that money with aaam….with this ball of fluff?
MAN: So you want to honour the ‘code of the fluff’ and you want us to perform a double buy and you want me to buy back my own ball of fluff that you bought from me with your fiver and you want to now buy my money with what my fluff was formerly used to purchase your fiver with?
SHOP: (UTTERLY CONFUSED) Y…yes?
MAN: (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Aw Yeah! So I get to buy and NOT sell. So you the shopkeeper now becomes the seller. Ho hoooo..woow!!
SHOP: I was always the seller.
DRAMATIC CHANGE IN MAN TO COMPLETE SERIOUSNESS.
MAN: What!?
SHOP: No no! (attempts to sweet-talk man) What does it matter who buys from who. All that matters now is that a very large amount of money is exchanged for that fluff .
MAN: (STONEY SERIOUS) I couldn’t agree more. A lot of money should be exchanged for this fluff. But now I’m the seller and you’re the buyer.
SHOP: Please wait…
MAN: (TALKS OVER HIM) UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU I AM NOW THE SELLER AND YOU ARE THE BUYER! I am now SELLING you this money which you are going to BUY with that fluff!!
hmmmm, not sure i get this, but maybe thats the point? where would you see this going? the tom fullstop bit seems out of context from the rest. like the idea that tom is a complete loon but would probably be funnier if it was played straight, with out the fullstop gag. would also be good if you could make it so tom comes of better in the end (not sure how you'd do this) maybe the next cutomer who comes in is desprate for some fluff and has one of those charity sized checks for a millon punds to buy it.
Hey guys nice to hear from you again. Thanks for the feedback.
I havent filmed it yet (loads of lines) I usually go for the easier options like the shorter sketches. I think I'll do it soon though.
Feral Businessmen looks great. Danny I love the look on your face when you see Charity. It cracks me up every time and what brilliant camera work from that man Frank
