CLIVE AND DEBBIE ARE DOING THEIR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

CLIVE
What's this on the list I can't read it?

DEBBIE
Peanuts.

CLIVE
Why not walnuts? I love walnuts.

DEBBIE
We don't have any nutcrackers.
(PAUSE)
Why walnuts? they look like your shrivelled testicles.

CLIVE
Ok I get it! You don't like doing 69, I get it!

DEBBIE
It's not that it just reminds me of past Christmas's when Dad was alive.

CLIVE
What because of walnuts?

DEBBIE
Yes my father loved walnuts, I can remember him cracking them open between mothers thighs, it's a sad memory.

CLIVE
(LONG PAUSE)
He used to crack walnuts open between your mothers thighs? I wondered what those scars where? I thought she had been hit by a cricket ball.

DEBBIE
Well now you know, but you must never repeat it.

CLIVE
My lips are sealed.

DEBBIE
You've got that look in your eyes Clive.

CLIVE PICKS UP 5 BAGS OF WALNUTS AND THROWS THEM IN THE TROLLEY

DEBBIE
5 bags?

CLIVE
Why not? we don't need nutcrackers now, your mothers coming for Christmas....

END.....

Very funny, BUT, what was he doing looking at his mother-in-law's thighs???

quote:

Originally posted by Shirl the Whirl:
Very funny, BUT, what was he doing looking at his mother-in-law's thighs???

It was one Christmas, there had been egg nog and rum punch and one too many cracker's, he mistakenly thought the vains on her right leg was a map of the London Underground, he was looking for Cockfosters and boy did he find it!!!

You paint a lurid picture! Great sketch Mousevale!