LOCATION:- INTERIOR:- DAY - A LARGE CLOTHING DEPARTMENT STORE (IN THE STYLE OF AUSTIN READ)
WE ARE IN A WELL APPOINTED PRIVATE CHANGING ROOM COMPLETE WITH SOFA, ARMCHAIRS, LARGE WALL MOUNTED WIDE-SCREEN PLASMA TELEVISION AND SEVERAL OTHER CREATURE COMFORTS.
WE SEE A MIDDLE AGED MAN IN AN EXPENSIVE SUIT SITTING ON THE SOFA WITH A CUP OF TEA IN A CHINA CUP AND SAUCER. STANDING OVER HIM IS THE MENSWEAR DEPARTEMENT MANAGER.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR, WHICH OPENS AND A SMARTLY DRESSED YOUNG LADY ENTERS.
MANAGER: Ah, Mr Jenkins, this is Miss Johnson, the young lady I was telling you about. She's new here at the store, but we expect great things of her. She's going to be your personal shopper for today.
WE CUT TO A MONTAGE OF SCENES IN WHICH WE SEE THE CUSTOMER, MR JENKINS, BEING ESCORTED AROUND THE SHOP BY MISS JOHNSON AS HE EXAMINES SEVERAL DIFFERENT ITEMS IN DIFFERENT DEPARTMENT. EG: SHOES, SHIRTS, TROUSERS, GOLF WEAR ETC...
AS HE CHOSES EACH ITEM, MISS JOHNSON COMMENTS ON HOW UNSUITABLE EACH OF THEM IS FOR HIM WITH SEVERAL DEROGATORY REMARKS:
MISS JOHNSON: (SHOES) I don't think so Sir, bit too trendy for you, I'd say...
(SHIRTS) No, you need something that will hide your bear gut...
(TROUSERS) Hmm, we don't do those with the elasticated waists I'm afraid...
(HATS) Have you thought about a hat to cover your receading hair line...?
(SUITS) I wouldn't have that in black Sir, not with your chronic dandruff...!
ETC...ETC...ETC...
WE CUT BACK TO THE LUXURY CHANGING ROOM, LATER THE SAME DAY. MR JENKINS, LOOKING EMBARRASSED, HARRASSED AND FLUSTERED IS AGAIN WITH THE STORE MANAGER.
MANAGER: Well Mr Jenkins, you don't seem to have made any purchases today, was your personal shopper, Miss Johnson any help to you at all?
MR JENKINS: No she wasn't...She was too bloody personal!
ENDS.
Gagsy
