I wrote this during a time where I purposly tried to incorperate a six-person sketch team, because most of mine are those olde-fashined two-way straightman/sillyman scenraios. If youm look carefuly, or even at all, you'll notice I fialed, its still prettyuy much two-ways, just broken up. Plus, so much for snappy sketches.


(Cast-member of our show, acting as a co-host on a Late show sort of meta-fiction thing, is introducing the next sketch)
Luke: Yes, thankyou Liz with that beautiful monologue about Baglady Phillis...the bag lady. “Comedy Gold” I’m sure.
Liz (o/s): Screw you.
Luke (to audience): Have you ever noticed...
(shoe misses him, and hits stage with clunk)
Luke: Easy now, don’t aggravate you goitre. (back to audience) Have you ever noticed today’s beer adverts come in two types: those laddy ones featuring lads doing laddish things, such as looking up ladies skirts and talking to polar bears. Then there’s the other sort, a classier, European option, goes something like this.
Roll
(Trendy nightclub. A suave man comes up to a smoking-body woman at the bar.)
Man: Why, hello
Woman(immediately smitten): Hey
Man(to the barman): Two Karcloff Smooth Ice Vodkas.
(barman immediately hands over the advertised product)
Woman: Oh, Karcloff Smooth Ice Vodka. I love that in a man.
Man: To Us.
(knock drinks together)
Woman: To You.
(takes drink)
Man (to camera): To Karcloff
V/O: Karcloff: The Stylish Option
Stop
Luke: Something like that. What a load. A man like that could get a girl with half an egg sandwich. So it got me thinking, lets try that a little more real-life. First, we need a much uglier man.
(Mr Debonair is replaced by Callum, a cast member)
Callum: Well, thanks a lot.
Luke: Lets try it again.
(Trendy nightclub. A clunky Callum comes up to a smoking-body woman at the bar.)
Man: Why, hello
Woman(less impressed): Hey
Man(to the barman): Two Karcloff Smooth Ice Vodkas.
(barman immediately hands over the advertised product)
Woman: Oh, Karcloff Smooth Ice Vodka. I love that in a man.
Man: And I like to be the man in you.
(Woman throws drink in face)
V/O: Karcloff: It stings when it gets in your eyes.
Man: Ow, it burns, not stings
V/O: My Mistake. Karcloff: Only for the Suave.
Stop
Luke: Hmm, quite a bit different isn’t it.
Callum (still in pain): Did you have to use real vodka?
Luke: Method acting, all the pros do it.
Callum: Mixed with...turpentine?
Luke: Next time, Don’t ding my car and just leave some lousy post-it for an apology, k?
Callum: I never dinged your car!
Luke: And you never will. (back to audience) I also got to thinking: would this advertisement work for any other product? Roll film.
Dannielle (o/s): Tape.
Luke: Whatever.
Roll
(Trendy nightclub. A suave man comes up to a smoking-body woman at the bar.)
Man: Why, hello
Woman(immediately smitten): Hey
Man(to the barman): Two Chunko’s Choconanna Fudgesticks.
(barman immediately hands over the advertised product)
Woman: Oh, Chunko’s Choconanna Fudgesticks. I love that in a man.
Man: To Us.
(knock fudgesticks together)
Woman: To You.
(takes bite)
Man (to camera): To Chunko’s
V/O: Chunko’s: Look for the florescent hippo on the pack.
Stop
Luke: Hmm, quite a bit different isn’t it. I also got to thinking: would...
Liz: Ok, we get it.
Luke: What?
Liz: The ads flawed, now move on. I have my drunken doctor sketch to get too.
Luke: Security, she’s disrupting the show.
(security escorts her away)
Liz: You may bind me, but you’ll never silence me!
Luke(off hand): Silence her too.
Liz: Oh don’t by a smart ar…(muffle muffle)
Luke: I also got to thinking: what if they were selling dead cats!
Roll
(Trendy. Club. Suave. Chick. Bar.)
Man(to the barman): Two Smooth Ice Deceased Tabbies.
(barman immediately hands over the advertised product)
Woman: Oh, rotting pets. I love that in a man.
Man: To Us.
(knock cats together)
Woman: To You.
(takes sniff)
Man (to camera): To that driver that wasn’t watching the road.
V/O: Expired Felines: Its dead-certain to get you pussy.
Stop
Liz (forefront, taking hold of camera, a ripping off gag): Ok, he could keep you going for a while, so I’ll save you another 20 minutes of this. Heres my sketch, my magnum opus I believe, Drunk Doctor!
(cut to glass of milk with face and small stethoscope being drunk through a straw)
Doc (ala The Fly): Help me! I’m a doctor being drunk!
Liz: What the hell’s this! Who rewrote my sketch!
Danielle: Um, well Liz, the guys down at head office, umm, didn’t think it was morally responsible to show a man of the lab-coat to be, well, inebriated. Not unless its Karcloff Smooth Ice Vodkas, that is! (takes satisfying swig) Mhmm-mm, I do anything, even anal, for some of the refreshing, mind-altering Karcloff!
(Danielle stay, frozen in pose. Liz shakes out of being stunned)
Liz: Well, I’m not standing for it, I’m talking this all the way to those big-wigs upstairs.
(marching marching marching till she reaches some poor people in the flat upstairs.)
Liz: What’s the meaning of cutting my sketch!
Husband: Wh..what?
Liz: Oh, sorry. Communication error, wrong apartment, sorry.
(leaves. Husband turns back to wife)
Husband: Honestly, these so-called Dentists nowadays, always rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-raaaaaaaush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush-rush these days. And take off that big-wig. No wonder people get confused.
(if possible, these characters are the next sketch. Maybe the “scrabble nursing home kill them off” people enter, or “ties to the past” interview. This will eman nothign to you, dear reader).

Later in show

(Trendy nightclub. Japan)
Man: Oih, konnicuwa
Woman(immediately smitten): pika!
Man(to the barman): Itchi Ni Tunga Tasty Tasty Alcohol Hooray.
(barman immediately hands over the advertised product)
Woman: Oh, Tunga Tasty Tasty Alcohol Hooray. I pika-pika chu wubba palooza. (purrs)
Man: Cheers.
(knock drinks together)
Woman: Frasier.
(takes drink)
Man (to camera): Chumba Tunga
V/O: Tunga: Yes!
Stop
Luke (in deckchair): Why do you assume it was me?