Tony Robinson faces camera, (head & shoulders shot only)
‘We’re here in Manchester, to try to uncover one of the greatest mysteries Time Team have ever been asked to work on. A mystery that archeologists have been arguing over for years. Why are there hundreds of individual mounds in one field close to each other? Are they man-made? Is it an ancient temple of the gods? Who knows? But time team have been asked to find out, and as it’s so special and of national importance, we have special permission to dig every single one of the mounds to find the answers.’
The camera now pans out to show that Tony is standing in a modern cemetery.
Tony: ‘Phil? What do you think we’re looking at?’
Phil is on his knees throwing flowers to one side to start scraping at a grave.
Phil: (West Country accent & trademark hat, dripping with sweat) ‘I just don’t know Tony, could be anything! But I reckon there could be bodies under these mounds. Look!’
Phil lies down on top of a grave.
Phil: ’ Look, see!, it’s perfect for a body I reckon.’
Tony: ‘Well let’s not get too ahead of ourselves Phil; we’ve got Geo-Phys going over every one of them as we speak.
The camera pans up to show a Geo-phys man walking up and down across the mounds of graves with no regard to mourners and flowers.
Tony: ‘But why the flowers do you think?
Phil: ‘Dunno Tony, could be some ancient cult still being practised, I’ll tell you what, it’s a bloody mystery that’s for sure’
Tony: ‘Phil?’
Tony starts to run around with the camera following him, he runs from one grave to another, point at the headstones.
Tony: ‘Phil? What do you reckon these are? Can they give us a clue?’
Phil takes his hat off and throws it to the ground in exasperation.
Phil: ’Tony! You haven’t learned anything from us yet have you? That’s all natural mate, all natural! We’ll get nothing from them mate. We’ve got to get under the ground, bring the diggers in! That’s the only way of finding out.’
In the background a hearse and mourners make their way to an empty grave.
‘Mick to tony, Mick to Tony’
Tony: ‘Yes Mick go ahead’
Mick: ‘You’d better come over here, see what we’ve got’
Tony sprints across several graves to where Mick in his trademark colouful jumper in standing just yards to his left.
Mick: ‘Tony, we’ve just got results from Geo-Phys, and it looks like we’ve got hundreds if not thousands of coffins here! Unbelievable!
Tony: ‘What does this mean Mick?
Mick: ‘We’ve got no idea Tony, it could be a massacre or the plague, I mean people don’t just die Tony. They don’t just come here and die! No this is something much more sinister, and something only archeologists can solve. We’ve got to keep digging’
Tony turns to camera.
Tony: ‘So there you have it, will it ever be solved? Who knows? all I know is, thank god time team are here!’
Nice one! I could imagine some variations...not located in an obvious graveyard but a suspect site and Phil uncovering a very intact human hand (connected to a body) under the soil and then making the declaration that "Oi think oiv loca'ed a burial". Or Mick appearing on camera, chatting to Tony wearing a multi-coloured jumper that's still being knitted by an older woman in a rocking chair, off camera. You could really have some fun with them. And it's the height of flattery for them. I think they'd enjoy it too.
