MORRIS ENTERS THE ROOM, THERE ARE THREE FROSTY FACED OLD MEN SITTING AT A LARGE DESK, EACH HAS A BRASS NAME PLATE IN FRONT OF THEM, BILL, OLIVER AND ERIC. THIS IS THE 2012 OLYMPIC SELECTION TEAM.
MORRIS Hello my name is Morris Wormhole.
OLIVER Yes, yes get on with it, which event?
MORRIS Penguin Wrestling.
BILL Penguin Wrestling, there is no such sport.
MORRIS I'm aware of that, but I thought that we could start it in time for 2012, then we could win the gold medal.
ERIC Are you any good?
MORRIS Any good, any good, I'm the best Penguin Wrestler in England.
BILL Interesting, exactly how many Penguin Wrestlers are there in England at this moment?
MORRIS That would be me.
OLIVER You're the only one?
MORRIS At the moment yes, but my friend Malcolm said he might come with me next week.
BILL So there would be two of you then?
MORRIS That's correct yes.
ERIC Where do you do your Penguin Wrestling?
MORRIS In the woods behind my house.
OLIVER The woods behind your house? How many bloody Penguins are in the woods?
MORRIS What at this very moment?
OLIVER Yes, if I where to walk through the woods at the back of your house,how many Penguins would I bump into?
MORRIS None.
OLIVER You're telling me there are no Penguins there at all?
MORRIS Oh no there are several, but you wouldn't bump into them, they're very careful like that.
BILL So there are Penguins there, but they're very careful Penguins, are they good at wrestling
MORRIS Oh yes by far and away the best I've ever pitted my wits against I can tell you.
ERIC Suppose we named you the Olympic Captain of the Penguin Wrestling team? What could you bring to the table?
MORRIS Penguin Stew.
BILL You eat the damn things? How the hell can we sell that to the rest of the world if you kill the things?
MORRIS I only killed the one. That was an accident, I broke poor Walters neck in a flying scissor jump, broke my heart (PAUSE) And his neck of course.
OLIVER I think we may have something here, you're obviously the single most clued up person in England on the subject. I think we should vote on it gentlemen.
ALL THREE JUDGES LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND MUMBLE AMONGST THEM SELVES THEN NOD IN AGREEMENT.
OLIVER I think we have our new Penguin Wrestling Captain, congratulations.
MORRIS Thank you very much, you won't be dissapointed.
BILL I hope not, you do realise what an opportunity this is for you?
MORRIS The proudest moment of my life, right up there with the first time I had sex with a Penguin.
BILL Oh my God you have sex with the things?
MORRIS It gets very lonely in the woods at night.
ERIC How did the Wrestling come about?
MORRIS Simple, you cant have sex on a first date with a Penguin, it takes several weeks to master one, how the hell do you think I learnt Penguin Wrestling in the first place?
OLIVER And this happens behind your house in the woods?
MORRIS Yes.
THE THREE MEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER
ERIC I think we should take a look at this sport personally.
MORRIS You could come along next week with myself and Malcolm.
I love having feed back on stuff, guess I'm as guilty as the rest for not using the test bed properly, Thanks for the help Scott, and the lovely Shirl, not that Scott's not lovely, i'm sure he is, in a very manly way though....
Have a good weekend mate, I don't know about you I'm doing manly things like arm wrestling and beer swilling and shootin -n-fishin and going out with women... yep all kind of manly things. yep Icing cakes and lace doily making.....
Actually, today may be my last time on here for a wee while..am spending Xmas in malaysia. Hopefully will get access to the interweb but maybe not as often.
Hope you all have a good one.
now where is that knitting pattern..er i mean..pint of beer
Malaysia, am I jealous, makes me going to Hampshire look a bit tame... Have a great time. I would say getting on here would be the last thing on my mind if I was going out there but maybe you can do a Scott Blog and make the rest of us feel part of your trip.
What a great idea, why can't the 4laughs birthday bash be in Malaysia, their loaded they can afford to take us all....
