An old man is hanging from the light fixture, naked, with his back to the camera.
Movie trailer VO: An old violinist is found hanging in his hotel room, his genitals lopped from his personage.
CUT TO
INT-MUSEUM-DAY
A man, DRAKE SEATTLE (AMERICAN ACCENT), wearing a tweed jacket and scarf stands before a violin in a glass display case.
Movie trailer VO: His instrument, donated to a museum, holds the key to a riddle. And only Harvard Professor Drake Seattle holds the key to the ivory box that contains the key to that riddle.
CUT TO
CLOSE-UP OF AN IVORY BOX WITH A LOCK. A NERVOUS HAND WITH A KEY OPENS THE BOX TO REVEAL A SECOND KEY IN THE BOX.
CUT TO
INT-LECTURE THEATRE-DAY
DRAKE SEATTLE is giving a lecture.
DRAKE (EMOTIONALLY) : The people of the seventeenth century didn’t have the TECHNOLOGY to create metal FINE ENOUGH to be USED as violin strings. No. No! NO! What they had instead, ladies and gentlemen, what they USED to STRING THEIR BOWS…was the hair…from the tail…of the horse.
LOUD ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE. DRAKE SEATTLE LEAVES THE LECTURE THEATRE SHAKING HANDS WITH STUDENTS AND WAVING AS FLASHBULBS GO OFF.
CUT TO:
EXT-STREET-DAY
MAD PROFESSOR IN A LAB COAT AT A TELEPHONE KIOSK, WITH A LONG QUEUE OF PEOPLE BEHIND HIM
CLOSE-UP ON HIS FACE AS HE SPEAKS ANIMATEDLY INTO PHONE.
MAD PROFESSOR (RECEIVED PRONUNCIATION) : Drake, is this line secure?
VO (DRAKE SEATTLE’S VOICE OVER PHONELINE) : Yes, it’s secure, Vernon. Why do you ask?
MAD PROFESSOR (SHOUTING) : I’ve analysed the Stradivarius!
CUT TO
INT-OVERHEAD SHOT OF CORRIDOR INTO LABORATORY-DAY
Drake Seattle walks down corridor, puts a plastic card into a device beside the door.
VO (DRAKE SEATTLE’S VOICE ON PHONE) : And what did you find, Vernon?
MAD PROFESSOR (VO) : What I’ve found could utterly destroy HUMANITY!
CUT TO:
Drake Seattle putting his eye up to an iris scanner, about to enter lab.
CUT TO
INT-LABORATORY-DAY
MAD PROFESSOR, NOW BADLY BEATEN UP, ARM IN SLING, LIMPS TOWARDS MICROSCOPE AS DRAKE LOOKS ON.
DRAKE: What happened, Vernon? Who did this to you?
MAD PROFESSOR: Who did this to me? Who did this to me? A cardinal from Rome did this to me, Drake! A cardinal under strict instructions from the Pope, the CIA, the Mafia, the Freemasons and the ghost of Walter Sickert!
DRAKE: But…but…but…Why?
MAD PROFESSOR: I didn’t know why until I analysed the violin. (PEERS INTO MICROSCOPE. MOTIONS FOR DRAKE TO LOOK.) Does this look familiar to you?
DRAKE peers into microscope.
CUT TO: A black line running across a white circle.
DRAKE: It’s…it’s horse hair, used for the violin strings. What’s the big deal, Vernon? Why would you get beaten up over the hair from a horse?
CUT BACK TO LAB AND DRAKE AND MAD PROFESSOR.
MAD PROFESSOR: Is that all it is, Drake? Open your eyes, man!
DRAKE: What?
MAD PROFESSOR: HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND?
DRAKE: I didn’t eat breakfast and my blood sugar is a little low.
FADE IN TO: A DEPICTION OF THE LAST SUPPER
CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC
MAD PROFESSOR (VO) : This isn’t about breakfast, man! For the love of God, don’t you see? The violin strings? It all fits TOGETHER!
DRAKE (VO) : The horse hair?
MAD PROFESSOR (VO) : It’s not the horse hair, YOU FOOL! It’s the whore’s heir! Or, to transliterate the Latin, the successor of the prostitute!
DRAKE (VO) : The whore? Of course! Myriamacus Magdelenacus, the biggest whore in all of Jerusalem!
CUT TO:
DRAKE SEATTLE running down a busy street with violin in hand, scarf flapping, pursued by six bishops in full vestments with mitres and crosiers.
MAD PROFESSOR (VO) : The length of string, its very straightness, represents not the sounds of a beautiful musical instrument, but rather the legs of Mary Magdelene, spread wide apart, as she accepted the seed of the Son of Man!
DRAKE (VO) : Yes! Yes! So the whore’s heir is the VERY CHILD of the Messiah!
CUT TO:
(DRAMATIC MUSIC GETS LOUDER)
DRAKE IN THE BACK OF A TAXI, FURIOUSLY TYPING A TEXT MESSAGE ON CELLPHONE, TONGUE LOLLING OUT OF MOUTH IN CONCENTRATION.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF TEXT MESSAGE. IT READS:
U R a big stinky bishop!
CUT TO:
SLOW MOTION SHOT OF
INT-CHURCH-DAY
Drake alone before the altar with back to camera. He raises his arms and falls to his knees.
CUT TO A PHOTOGRAPH OF A LARGE PAIR OF BREASTS
CUT TO A PICTURE OF JESUS HANGING ON THE CROSS
DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY
CUT TO
INT-CONFESSION BOX
A priest sits listening to a confession.
DRAKE (WHISPERED VO, FROM OTHER SIDE OF CONFESSION BOX) : What do you have to say, Father? When you have seen all the evidence, what…do…you…have…to say?
PRIEST (SMILING SMUGLY, IRISH ACCENT) : That, my good Professor, would be an ecumenical matter.
The bloke hanging from the light is the violinist and he's there at the beginning to establish atmosphere. The thing about movie trailers is you don't actually get to see the whole movie, I don't know if you realise that. It's kind of a "taster". So it doesn't really matter whether you know who the old man is or not. ?????Is that okay?????
