AN OFFICE MEETING IS TAKING PLACE; SEVERAL MEN SIT AROUND A TABLE IN A CONFERENCE ROOM. QUITE OFTEN, PEOPLE ARE WALKING IN AND OUT OF THE ROOM, HANDING PACKS TO VARIOUS PEOPLE. ALL THE WHILE THERE IS A PERSISTENT AND UNRELENTING WHITE NOISE. BRIAN WALKS INTO THE ROOM.
Man 1: Yeah, Jonathan, so as I was saying, our European strategy has to be built towards expanding towards the east – that’s pretty much where, demographically speaking, the markets lie.
Jonathan (READING A SHEET OF PAPER): Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.
Man 1: I said that we should head to Eastern Europe if we want the business to grow.
Jonathan (SHREDS THE PIECE OF PAPER IN A MACHINE NEXT TO HIM): Yes, I think you’re quite right.
Man 1: Night night? Is that what you just said?
Jonathan: No, I said you’re quite right.
Man 1: Look I can’t quite hear what you’re saying. Can you fax me it?
Jonathan: Sure. Hang on. (HE TURNS TO HIS LAPTOP AND CLICKS A FEW BUTTONS)
Brian: Right, I’ve got these information packs. Have a look at them and see what you think.
THE MEN GLANCE THROUGH THE INFORMATION PACKS, ONE BY ONE SHREDDING THE PIECES OF PAPER ONCE THEY’RE DONE WITH THEM.
Jonathan: Yep. Yes. Uh huh… ok.
Man 1 (NODS TO HIMSELF AS HE NONCHALENTLY DROPS SHEETS INTO THE SHREDDER)
Brian: So… what do you make of it?
Jonathan: Yeah, I think you’re on the right track with this Brian.
Man 1 (NOW FINISHED READING AND SHREDDING THE ENTIRE DOCUMENT): Yes, I’d agree with Jonathan there, definitely.
AN AIDE WALKS IN AND HANDS MAN 1 A SHEET OF PAPER
Aide: I just got a fax through for you.
Man 1: Thanks. Oh, right I see you were agreeing with me on moving to Eastern Europe, Jonathan?
Jonathan: Yeah, definitely. You’re spot on.
MAN 1 SHREDS THE SINGLE SHEET
Brian: What do you make of my proposal for streamlining our costs?
Jonathan: What page was that on? I can’t quite remember.
Brian: Page 18.
Jonathan: Shit, I’ve lost that, I’m afraid. (CALLS TO SOMEONE OFFSCREEN HAVING LOOKED AROUND HIM FOR THE DOCUMENT) Billy! Can you print me another copy of the proposal please? (TURNS BACK TO THE TABLE) Right, what was it about?
Brian: I’m saying we’d be a lot more profitab…
Jonathan: Thanks Billy. Page 18, you say? Right. Oh yes, streamline our costs and we’ll be more profitable… (HE SHREDS THE DOCUMENT AS SOON AS HE’S FINISHED READING IT AND LOOKS UP AT THE OTHERS)
Brian: Yeah, basically, we could save a lot of money if we cut down our costs.
Man 1: What? I can’t hear you.
Brian: I SAID WE’D SAVE A LOT OF MONEY IF WE SLASH OUR EXPENSES!
Man 1: If we wash our fences?
Brian: What? What fences?
Jonathan: Hang on, I’ll print it out for us. (HE CLICKS A BUTTON AND THE DOCUMENT APPEARS FROM A PRINTER ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF THEM)
ANOTHER MAN WALKS INTO THE ROOM
Man 1: Ah, Brian, I’d like you to meet Colin.
(THE TWO MEN GO TO SHAKE HANDS. SHREDDED PAPER SPILLS OUT THEIR POCKETS AS THEY REACH FOR EACH OTHERS’ HANDS)
Brian: Hi, nice to meet you
Colin (SMILING): Hi. Pleased to finally meet you. I’ve been looking forward to it for a while. Listen, I’ve forgotten my business cards, have you got a scrap of paper I can write my number down on for you?
Brian: Erm, hang on a second (HE LOOKS AROUND HIM, SEARCHING. THE OTHERS JOIN IN). Em, it doesn’t look like it I’m afraid. Let me have a quick look. Can you see anything guys?
ALL 4 MEN START HUNTING AROUND THE CONFERENCE ROOM IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, LOOKING FOR PAPER FOR THE MAN TO WRITE ON. THE SEARCH LASTS A FAIR WHILE. THE ENTIRE TIME A TEMP STANDS IN THE CORNER AT THE BACK, SHREDDING PIECES OF PAPER ONE BY ONE, IDLY WATCHING THEM. FADES.
Aye, likes.. white noise from the shredders. Didn't want to elaborate on the shredder thing too early on in order to keep the punchline fresh to the end. I hope with all of my heart that it worked, lest the Test Bedders be disappointed.
Never say this very often but I didn't find the sketch very funny... But I thought it was very good and a clever idea, I really think you should develop this and send it out to people companies/ groups concerned with the environment.
Like add a line at the end "there is over 200 trees cut down a second" blah blah blah something like that.
Is the white noise coming from the shredders or is it from something else?
