(A guy, BUNDY, approaches a group of acquaintances. They seem excited to see him)
Bundy: Hey guys.
All: Hey/hi/ hey
Man 2: Where have you been the last week, buddy?
Bundy: Ah well, I was in hospital
All: Really/wow/oh my god.
Man 3: What for?
Bundy: Ah, well I sprained my wrist. (Quickly shows cast)
Man 2: I remember when I broke my wrist.
Man 3: Me too, I was nine when I...
(All evaporate into mindless talking, not paying any attention to Bundy).
Narrator: Tired of having mediocre maladies? Fed up with turning up at parties in the same sling as another? Sick of being Sick, but not getting the rapture with your friends you deserve? Then St Elmer’s Medical Plaza is the answer! Here at St Elmers, we will not only treat your mundane ailment but we offer the service of inflicting upon you a fair more uncommon and boast-worthy medical condition.
(Doctor in office with patient)
Doc: Ok, we are going to inject you with potentially lethal amounts of elemental silver, which will cause you to come down with Argyria. Not only is it a cool name, but it will make you skin go blue-grey!
Patent: That’s a good start, but I’m looking for something a bit war-wounds-ey.
Doc: Well, we could amputate a limb.
Patent: Which one?
Doc: All of them!
Narrator: With a little help from St Elmer’s, you don’t need to be a tag-along, you can stand out in the crowd. That is, if you can still stand.
(Bundy comes back in, in wheel chair, looking in very under the weather)
Bundy: Of all the luck, I have Marburg Virus, Parrot Fever, sickle-cell disease and Kuru.
(Everyone looks hocked and sympathetic)
Woman 1: Is that Marberg with vaginal thrush?
Bundy (off-put): No...not vaginal thrush
Woman 1: Oh thank god, thrush is the worst
(friends start talking again, causally ignoring Bundy)
Narrator: Disclaimer: Effect might not work if you have shit friends as self-absorbed as you.