(gruesome war noises, heavy rain, gun-fire, orders, yells)

Sgt Hero Voice-Over:
War. It sucks. The sound of gunfire, the stench of death, the sound of people complaining about the stench. The dirt, the wind, the wet, my god it was wet. It rained for freaking ages, really put a damper on the whole business. Haha, damper, cracked a good ‘un there. They can take our lives, but they can’t take our sense of humour. Although I’d prefer it if they didn’t take either.
Oh dam and blast the hellish wet. You wake up, make sure you comrades aren’t shot to resemble cheese graters, and surprise-surprise it’s raining again. It gets in your rifle, in your sandwiches. Nothing worse than a soggy sandwich, well except the rifle thing in certain instances.
When we were first flung into hell, the U-Boats didn’t go all the way up to the cursed shore, so we and to wade in. I got bloody soaked. Some people got soaked in blood, but at least they didn’t have to troop up the breach with squelchy galoshes. Those damm conscription fellows got all gung-ho about the fighting evil and stuff, never said two words about the bleeding weather, if they had I would have become an ineligible eunuch like my adopted father and his/her adopted father before him/her.
I tell you, this whole war thingo has been one long let down. First thing tomorrow, assuming I haven’t died or found something else to do, I’m writing a very stern letter to the home authorities’ vee-saa-vee this weather. I’ll also mention something about drab uniforms.
Oh, hang on, I spotted some wounded men out there, time to go out to the frontline and bring them home. Well, maybe when it lets up to a drizzle. Yeah, I’ll just wait a bit.
End