'WHO WANTS TO BE A POKER FACED CELEBRITY MILLIONAIRE?'
INT: PUB. - NIGHT
FX: GENERAL PUB BACKGROUND NOISE
JIM IS SITTING AT A TABLE WITH TWO PINT GLASSES. THE ONE IN FRONT OF HIM IS HALF FULL; THE OTHER HAS NOT BEEN TOUCHED. STEVE ENTERS AND SITS DOWN NEXT TO JIM.
JIM Where the hell have you been? I’ve been sat here…. STEVE Oooo…. Wasn’t gonna tell you. Wanted it to be a surprise. But what the hell. Gotta tell someone. JIM Then bloody get on with it. It’s your round. STEVE I’ve been pitching a Game Show idea to a TV company. JIM You what? STEVE And, they loved it. JIM You’ve been,,,, Hang on….Hang on…. Is it Celebrity Racist? Or I’m Eighteen With Big Boobs So Dress Me In A Bikini And Stick Me On An Island?...... I’d watch that. STEVE Who Wants To Be A Poker Faced Celebrity Millionaire?
JIM LOOKS BLANK.
STEVE It’s based on the premise that the really big audiences tune in at times of greatest anticipation. Basically, if they think someone’s going to win. And win big. JIM Right. Love it. And mine’s a pint a Speckled Hen. STEVE In a sec. I’m on a roll. JIM Go on then. Get it off your chest. STEVE Take four nobody contestants. They all wanna be rich right?
JIM Who doesn’t wanna be rich? STEVE So, they’re head to head and the host asks them a question. It’s got four possible answers A to D. JIM I’m with you. STEVE Fastest person to get it right, wins a guaranteed hundred thousand pounds.
JIM LETS OUT A WHISTLE.
STEVE So we’re down to three contestants. None of them know how anyone did, apart from themselves. So it becomes a bluffing game.
DAN Like poker…. STEVE Exactly. So they have to say, based on their answer to the previous question, and the answers given by the other contestants….. JIM That they don’t know…. STEVE You’re getting’ it…. So, they have to judge how far they’ll progress in the game. Then they have thirty seconds to press one of two secret buttons, indicating that they want to go through to the next round, or they want out. But, and here’s the catch, the longer they leave it to make their decision, the more time they have for the next round. So they’re all waiting to see if the person they think is the cleverest chips in, ‘cause if they do… JIM You want out. You don’t want to pitch yourself against the cleverest guy there…. STEVE Exactly. But there’s only two places in the next round. And so the computer picks either the first person to say that they wanted out, or, if nobody did…. JIM Cocky little sods…. STEVE The last person to press any button. And that person leaves with a guaranteed hundred thousand pounds.
JIM WHISTLES AGAIN.
STEVE So, we’re down to two. JIM With you so far. STEVE So there’s two contestants, and two red boxes on a table in front of them. In one box is a pass to the next round… The person who was fastest in the last round gets to pick a box; the other one automatically goes to the other guy. In one of the boxes is a place in the next round…. JIM And in the other one? STEVE The person who opens the other box… Gets a guaranteed hundred thousand pounds.
JIM WHISTLES AGAIN.
JIM This is great.
STEVE So now, it’s the final. We’re down to the last contestant. They have to answer one simple question. The answer is either A or B. JIM It all rests on this one question? STEVE One question with two possible answers. JIM Tricky. STEVE But, in order to help them, the audience is asked the same question and their most popular response is shown to the contestant before they have to answer. JIM But can you trust the audience. You don’t know anything about them. STEVE O but you do. Because the audience is made up entirely of celebrity millionaires.
JIM No way. All celebrity millionaires. Brilliant. WAGs? STEVE All celebrity WAGs hags and slags. Anybody and everybody. JIM Noel? STEVE Both Noel’s probably….. Prince Edward. JIM So you know these people… STEVE You know if they’re the sort of people who will know the answer. JIM I’m lovin’ it. STEVE So all this contestant has to do is answer the question correctly…. JIM With or without the help of the celebrity audience…. STEVE For a guaranteed one hundred thousand pounds.
JIM WHISTLES AGAIN.
STEVE What do you think? JIM To be honest. I don’t know…. Sounds too complicated. I mean, it’s like a combination of all of the toughest shows…. Nobody’s ever going to win…..
A PAUSE
JIM I get it. That’s the idea isn’t it. Nobody ever wins. STEVE No, no. That’s absolutely not the idea at all. JIM Then I don’t get it. Maybe I’m not your target audience. STEVE On the contrary. I’d say you were exactly the target audience.
