ANDY sits on the sofa watching television. Paul walks through the room geared up to go outside.
PAUL - you want anything from the shop? ANDY - I'm okay mate, thanks.
Paul leaves the house slamming the door behind himself.
ANDY - (yelling)and don't slam that door
Agigated and red in the face Andy trns his attention back to the television. KYLE enters the room.
KYLE - Come have a look at this beast! its huge.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
the pair enter the bathroom, both filled with childish excitement.
KYLE - Look at the size of that. ANDY - I can't see anything. what am I looking for? KYLE - there! behind the shampoo.
As Kyle speaks a spider about five inches long crawls out from behind the shampoo bottles and up the wall.
ANDY - Jesus christ dude, you know i hate spiders!
He tries to escape the room but Kyle won't let him. He keeps pushing him back in.
ANDY - look dude your going to have to kill it.
the spider begins to play dead on hearing the word 'kill'.
KYLE - I ain't killing it. you do it! ANDY - why me? You probably came in here to use the bathroom. you get rid of it. KYLE - Look at the thing! Its bound to have a bigger brother. we kill it its going to come a knockin'. ANDY - well don't kill it then, just get rid of it. KYLE - how? ANDY - i dont know. trap it in a bowl or something. KYLE - (hysterical) But i'll have to go near it then! ANDY - well don't, just piss into the toliet from here. KYLE - I don't need a piss. ANDY - I'll get some paper and kill it then. KYLE - we don't have any. Got a brush though.
Kyle hands andy the brush.
ANDY - a brush??! KYLE - we can do it together. On three.
The pair grab the brush together. They edge slowly towards the spider and swing. They miss and tap the wall lightly.
ANDY - sod this.
Andy runs forward and just stamps and the thing. the door bell rings downstairs. Andy begins to clean up the spiders entrails as Kyle runs downstairs to answer the door. CUT TO:
Kyle walks into through the kitchen and opens the back door. A six foot spider is stood there staring over kyle - all eight yes focusing upon him.
SPIDER - A little bird just told me you just killed my brother. Say it isn't so. KYLE - Hold on a sec. ANDY! ANDY! ANDY (off screen) - yeah KYLE - Someone at the door for you. ANDY (offscreen) - who is it? SPIDER - Tell him its bob. KYLE - Its bob.
Andy runs quickly into the kitchen and recoils as he sees the spider.
ANDY - do i know you? SPIDER - which one of you two killed my brother. ANDY - it was definatley him. i don't live here. KYLE - coward! ANDY - did this brother have a moustache? SPIDER - no ANDY - Then it wasn't him then. Try next door they are always killing things. KYLE - stop it! ANDY - whats it going to do? attack me with a brush.
The spider steps into the house filling the door frame. the boys recoil backwards as the spider closes the door.
SPIDER - so you did do it. Time to DIE boys...
The door swings open squashing the spider. its guts and entrails squishing up the wall and all over andy and kyle. Paul has returned from the shop.
PAUL - What the hell have you two been up to now?
The pair wipe the guts off them. They are completely speechless.
PAUL - .............
(any one have any good one liners for paul to end this one?)
