(Zach is in grey airport. Makes call on pay-phone, eating noodle-box. He looks well-worn. His girl-partner picks up, we don’t see her)
Allison: God, hello?
Zach: Hey Allison, it’s me
Allison: Hey you, how...what time is it there?
Zach: Well, here it’s almost 2 in the morning, but I wanted to ring you right-on eight o’clock on your birthday so...
Allison: Zack, Zack honey you’re completely off. Its 11 o’clock at night here.
Zach: Oh (gets out pamphlet) why can’t the Dutch just speak English like normal people. Anyway, did you get my little package?
Allison: Sorry, pardon?
Zach: My gift-basket. You should have, the one with flowers and shampoos and things.
Allison: That...that was you?
Zach: Yeah, course
Corey: Who you talking to baby?
Zach: Who’s that?
Corey: Funny, I just asked the same thing
Allison: Shut up for a sec. Umm, so...darling, you sent me that basket.
Zach: Yeah...whose that guy?
Allison: No one dear...the dog.
Zach: The dog talks?
Allison: No, silly, dogs bark. Golly, you must be jet-lagged
Zach: We don’t have a dog
Allison: Happy birthday to me!
Corey: If you’re going to be a while, can I start the DVD?
Allison: Look, just because people OIH!, just because people touch other people there when their on the phone in movies, doesn’t stop it being a very rude thing to do.
Zach: But you’ve always liked gift baskets.
Allison: No, I was talking to Corey
Zach: Corey?
Allison: Umm...dog.
Zach: You named the dog after your ex-boyfriend now neighbour?
Allison: Apparently. So, you sent me the basket, eh?
Zach: YES, for goodness sake. You didn’t get the card attached?
Allison: No, no, there was no card.
(cut to outback farm. Farmer is checking mail, reading card.)
Farmer: Loraine? It’s not my birthday is it?
Wife: No Shane, so no baby-making today.
Farmer: Somebody’s trying to send us a basket or something.
Wife: Oh Dwayne, you still haven’t used the wicker from last time.
Farmer: I didn’t ask for it, woman!
Wife: Don’t you ‘oh women me’, I gave you a Deference for The Female in the Working Habitat pamphlet to peruse, you bloody drongo, you just put it with your pile of junk on the veranda.
Farmer: God lovers, its not junk Lorraine, it’s a Contemporary Delphic Metal Carving Structure. The pamphlet represents women’s attitudes struggling against the chain of patriarchal proletariat.
Wife: Good god in heaven, your not going on about that damm Folk culture. Golly, one alternate economic philosophy in art class, and you think your bloody Herman Johan Hans Achterhuis.
(break back to old scene)
Allison: Look, I’m sorry, I thought the basket was from Corey
Corey: Hi
Zach: So you just thought “stuff the geezer I’m living with, I’ll run into the soccer-sculpted arms of fabbo-Corey
Corey: Hey
Allison: Your not helping sugar. Your travelling around Europe, we’re not living together
Zach: Splitting hairs, my stuffs all there
Allison: Not anymore
Zach: What?
Allison: Well, your stuffs in a u-haul outside. Corey’s moved in
Corey: Hi
Zach: Move in, I only posted the basket a week-ago
Allison: It was a nice basket
Zach: IT WAS MY BLEEDING BASKET! It had Perfume De Hair Clog 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner and bleach.
Allison: Ah yes, made me weak at the knees, I could scarcely keep my panties on while I ran to Corey.
Zach: So just like that, ka-put, we’re finite
Allison: It scented candles, Zach
Zach: I KNOW!
Allison: Look, your obviously cranky from crossing the Bosnian border by porpoise. When you come back, and take your time if you like, after five years of bliss it’s the least I could do, your stuff will be all crammed in handy cardboard boxes for you. Adios
Corey: Bye!
(dial-tone)
Zach: Well, that’s blow. Still, quite a lot of mileage out of one coin, don’t you think. Exchange rate is amazing.
end