Hi im new at this but have been looking at the McDean fanfic and has inspired me to start my own but im not a great writer and wondering if anyone will actually read it.....

ill post the first part up soon
so u can see if u like it

Part 1

Normal. Thats all he wanted to be, but in his own mind he didnt know what normal meant.Since he had met his best friend his life had been turned upside down and he couldn't quite understand why? Why was anything different just becasue his best friend was in love with him and gay that doesnt mean he was gay. Did it. No course not he doesnt think of his mates in that way. But that kiss, oh that kiss those soft subtle lips, with that hot sweet breath and... No i cant do this i have to be normal. But where had these feelings surfaced from. Days ago he beat his mate up because he admitted he was gay. All of these questions and thoughts were exploding in this young lads mind, but as quickly as those thoughts had surfaced they disappeared as his thoughts were interuptted. Interuptted by a arm snaking around his waist, yes this is what i what he thought isnt it? Whilst questioning this thought he turned around slowly to meet the warm brown eyes that belonged to his girlfriend letting out a content sigh he let his lips form a smile. But this smile was a contrast of what this boys eyes were screaming. Despair, Confusion.

Great start
Can't wait for more

hi baby-jonesy

welcome, always glad to read more mcdean fics..

more please

Glad u liked the first bit so thought id put up some more

Part 2

'Hiya babe you alright' she said - the voice belonging to a young brown haired girl known as Sarah Barnes
God she's perfect he thought.
'Course I am alright even better now' he cringed this wasnt entirely true, it just confused him more.
'What you wanna do tonite then' she questioned looking at her boyfriend with a confused expression why was he always so distant these days, adn she couldnt understand why. Because he wasnt friends with John Paul Nah that couldn't be it maybe he thinks i still like Rhys. Yeah
'Dont mind' he replied and continued to bury himself deep in thought and these thoughts definitely weren't about the girl standing in front of him.
'I was thinking we could go to the loft with Han, and Nance' she replied, Hannah and Nance were going but Nance was bringing John Paul they had all had enough of them both wandering around like lost puppies, she knew if Craig knew about this situation he would refuse.
'Yeah sure sounds great' came Craig's unethusiastic reply.
'Great meet you here at 8 then' she replied but seeing Criag not paying attention to her she stormeed off. Whats his problem.
'Uh huh' Craig grunted as Sarah left, Craig had a lot of things on his mind and going to the loft wasnt one of them.
As he made his way into the pub he caught a familiar figure out of the corner of his eye playing pool. Was it no it couldnt be? Yes it was as Craig stopped to admire the figure that stood a few feet away. Watching those pools of blue gradually rise from the pool table Craig was felt his heart skip a beat. His eyes went from his eyes to his lips in a matter of seconds. How he wanted them, he wanted to be close to the creature that those lips belonged to. Suddenly Craig was watching his hips and how as John Paul bent over to take his shot revealing some flesh just above his boxers. Craig felt a tingle go all the way down his spine how he wish he could.... OmFg wat was happening to him he thought that wasnt normal to think of a friend in that way. He took one last look at John Paul and then headed towards the door which lead to his family home sighing as he went.

wat u think?

Really good . Keep it up

Just read your fic so far baby-jonesy and I think it's fantastic! I hope you will carry on writing. I love McDean fic's

oh thanks for the lovely comments this part will be a bit longer as have a hetic week.

Part 3

Why was he staring at me John Paul thought. If he wanted to speak to me why didnt he just come over, nah that wouldnt happen its Craig Dean were talking about. But as much as he thought he hated Craig he really missed their friendship and there felt a gap in his heart where friendship had been. He sighed and looked in the direction of his former friend should i go and see him. No he was the one in the wrong not me. He turned back to the person he was playing pool with. The one person that had been great through the whole coming out process and being beaten up by Craig. Nancy was great he thought to himself she was an amazinng friend thats not to say that Sarah hadnt been a good friend but she was Craigs girlfriend the conversation with her always ended up being about Craig, and about his cheeky grin or something. Oh how he loved it when Craig smiled, that gorgeous smile that lit up his whole face and those cheekbones...NO. Hes not in your life anymore John Paul and thats how you need it if your going to move on. Yes he thought everything would be fine if he stopped thinking about him. As this thought took over he shook his head which recived a sideward glance from Nancy.
'What are you doing' she asked getting ready for her shot.
'NNNothing just cant believe how well your doing' he replied very quickly- where did that come from he thought?
'RRRight' she said not completely concived but let the matter drop, as she knew it might upset him and he had been through enough.
'So wat we doing tonite' he asked swiflty moving the topic off of his weird behaviour. Shoving his left hand in his pocket no knowing what to do with it but also out of pure nervousness.

have to leave it there for now

You are a great writer really in JP and Craig's minds.
Poor JP missing Craig

i know i sed the other part would be long but something came up so.... but heres some more.

Part 4

'Thought we'd just go to the loft said we would meet up with Hannah' she said refocusing her attention to the pool game.
'Oh' he said rather loudly. Idiot he thought to himself.
'What?' replied Nacny not noticing John Paul cursing himself under his breath.
'Nothing. Its nothing...' he started but recieved a 'you cant foll me' look from Nancy and continued '..... but does Hannah feel comfortable around me you know.. '
'No i dont' she said
'Well you know cos she likes me but im gay'
'Yeah...but being your friends better than nothing' she replied.
As Nancy turned her attention to John Paul she realised that his flies were open, and also something Hannah sed about 'gays have a immense fashion sense' Yeah right she thought with a free view to his home entertainment system.
She immediately burst into fits of laughter.
I wish Hannah didnt hate me thought John Paul, i know im gay and i broke up with her but.....
Just then he relalised Nancy was laughing at him.
Whats she laughing at he thought as he started to relaise there was nothing funny in view. Or so he thought.
'What' he sed through gritted teeth he could feel himself angerat the fact Nancy was laughing at him.
'Nothing ....it just hahaha...' she spluttered through giggles. He could feel his anger rise inside of him.He had enough of everybody laughing at him. And why all becasue he was gay so wat if he was. It wasnt like he had a disease he just fancied blokes.
'Nancy if you dont tell me right now God help me...' he couldnt finish his sentence he was fuming but this anger wasnt directed at Nancy per say it was mainly directed at someone else someone who wasnt even in this room. Why didi he do this to me? Best friend yeh? Whatever. Bet hes laughing with Sonny and Justin about me calling me 'queer' or 'queen'. This needs sorting out now he thought to himself i cant spend another minute her unless i know why. Without knowing what he was doing John Paul through his stick with such force at the floor that it snapped in two. As this was happeneing Nancy saw John Paul march towards the door that led him to the Dean/Obsurne family home.
'John Paul' Nancy shouted but it was no use he was gone she looked back down at the pool stick her friend had thrown on the floor moments before he headed of upstairs. The stick was broken in to just like John Paul she thought to herself. She sighed and picked up the broken cue stick which lay on the floor and placed it on the bar waiting for Darren to finish serving another customer. Dont do anything stupid she thought to herself.

He bounded up the stairs two at a time not letting himself slow down to think about the consequencs of his action. No he thought he had to find out and he knew deep down that this situation wouldnt be any easier if he was calmer, but he didnt want to be calm he wanted to be angry so that Craig could see how much pain he had caused him. By the time all of these thoughts had rushed through this boys head he had reached the top of the stairs. Should i knock?

Why couldnt i go over and talk to him? He was my best mate and i beat him up? Im such an idiot. Nothing else mattered as long as John Paul was in his life he thought. Why couldnt i be thinking like this before i beat him up? he cursed to himself. Craig slowly raised his head from the arm of the sofa which he was laying on. Did he hear someone coming upstair? No who would be coming up her.. it couldnt be ...could it .. No dont be silly Craig he hates you. He cant even look at me and i dont blame him he thought. God i miss you John Paul.... I wish i could tell you .... I.think i...


wat do you thik ?

need some feedback before i continue

x

ohh more please

Craig thinks..... what? aaaaaaaaagggghhhh you can't leave it there!
Great part baby-jonesy.

quote:

Originally posted by art_mad(HO rules):
You are a great writer really in JP and Craig's minds.
Poor JP missing Craig

snap
plz do more!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh you can't leave it like that!!!

Please please can we have more soon

As u all liked it thougth id post up some more

Part 5

No im not going to knock he thought so he stormed through the door that divided him and his so called mate. As he burst through the door Craig jumped out of his skin and immediately leaped up from the sofa. Staring at John Paul with his mouth slighlty reliasing a smile. John Paul was fuming but on seeing Craig's guilt- stricken face he eased up a bit but inside his head was screaming questions at the boy he loved. Craig looked at John Paul and then back down to his trainiers. He cant even look at me Craig thought. I cant look at him incase i realise im still in love with him thought John Paul and diverted his eyes.Tears pricked Craig's eyes his friend couldnt look at him which meant he would never be able to see the hurt that laid in my eyes he thougt.
'John Paul errr...; Craig started to speak but didnt finish as John Paul cut straight across him.
'No you dont get to speak you get to listen' said John Paul through gritted teeth, he moved away from the door to the other side of the Obsurnes kitchen as far away from Craig as possible.
'Okay' stuttered John Paul suprised by John Paul's assertivness and confidence.
'Why did you do it? No wait I already have the answer becasue you thik that me being gay is disgusting and wrong eventhough, EVENTHOUGH AT THE DANCE YOU SAID YOU DIDNT CAREE IF I WAS GAY' He screamed the last part at Craig, Craig just looked at him and desperatley wanted to say something but thought better of it. John Paul continued.
'Do you have any idea what it feels like to be laughed at everday by anybody and the look of disgust they give me like I've commited a murder. Anybody would thik that thats what i did but no its because im GAY. I thought you were a good friend you know becasue you said you didnt care if i was gay so you know i thought maybe i can come out if Craig's by my side. But i was wrong there wasnt i cause you turned into one of the people that teased and tormented , but even worse you took it one step further and BEAT ME UP' he screamed and then burst into tears all of his emotions spilling out through his tears. Slowly John Paul slide down the refridgerator. Craig just stood there and looked at his broken firend. I caused this he thought if i was just there for him everything would be different we'd be friends. Oh Craig wat have you done you idiot he cursed himself. Most of all Craig hated seeing his friend so weak because he knew it took guts to come out of the closet the way he did and what did i do make things 10 times worse. He ran his fingersthrough his hair thinking of what to do know. But looking at his broken friend he realised.

'Johh John Paul'he stuttered moving closer towards his broken friend. John Paul's wails had subsided but tears still trickled down his face. How Craig wished he could reach out and wip them away.No i have to make sure hes my friend he thought.
'I am so sorry for what i did i never wanted to hurt you, im just weak wwwhat i mean is that im not like you im not strong i hate people labelling me as you know something not normal'.
'So you think im ....not normal' John Paul managed to say through his tears.
'No!' exclaimed Craig ' thats not what im saying what im saying is i didnt know how to handle everyone thinking i was gay as well so i lashed out at the one person i need most. I hit you because i was too much of a coward to admit that i needed you whether you were gay or not' Craig stopped letting a brief smile form on his lips. Yeah he thought this is right.
'I need you John Paul I thought I didnt but these past few weeks have been hell...' he said making his way to sit next to his friend. he slowly slide down the cabniets and was uprised as he finally sat down that John Paul didnt move the both stared straight ahead and once again Craig continued
'I missed you so much I hated waking up every morning knowing that we werent talking and that you hated me because of what i did. I thought about you all this time and what happened between us' John Paul raised his head slightly as Craig said this
'I hated thinking that you hated me and every time I thought about you i felt a gap in my heart the gap that belonged to our friendship grow inside my heart. I know what i did was wrong and I will regret it for the rest of my life but please can you forgive me....' Noticing John Paul's unchanged face he continued
'iimm not saying we have to be friends but i dont thik i could live in the same village as you knowing you hated me'
He said and taking a deep breath before turning his head to look at John Paul, he looked away again almost immediately nervous of how John Paul would react. But something pulled him back to that same place and he was staring at John Paul waiting for John Paul to look back at him. He need those blue eyes to reassure him that he still loved him but why why do i need to know he thought. But somewhere inside him told him he needed to know.


any comments

ohh, puppy dog ohh, jp hurting, craig hurting am sad...

Show him JP!!! Craig loves your beautiful eyes, let him see

I'm really enjoying this fic and I can't wait for the next chapter

okay not gonna be writing for a couple of days so i thought id write a bit more

Part 6

Meanwhile Nancy had been sitting downstairs for 10 minutes and now her gaze was permantley fixed on the door leading to the flat, which belonged to the Deans. But out of the corner of her eye she spotted two girls, one with brown hair the other with blonde. It was Sarah and Hannah she thought should i tell them whats going on. No they can tell them if they ever come down.

'J' Craig said in nothing more than a whisper. 'J say something' he said more forcefull this time. John Paul just stared at the open space in foront of him did Craig just say what i thought he said.Oh no i cant deal with this not now, not ever. He slowly ran his hands over his face wiping away the tears from earlier and turned to face Craig. For the first time since the fight they stared into each others eyes. Those beautiful big eyes he thought but they werent filled with anger or hope but hurt and confusion how i wish i could hug him he thought but his heart and head as usual were having a world war about how to handle the situation with the man he loved.
After a few minutes of penetrating silence gazing into each others eyes he opend his mouth and closed it again. I have no idea waht to say. And then it hit him.
As all of this was running through John Paul's mind Craig's wasnt that much different.
Christ i love those blue eyes i could stare into them all day. What are oyu doing Craig this has to stop. Cursinghimself inside his head once more. John Paul would probably think he was taking the pee if he told him more about his feelings. So instead he just stared at the perfect man before him.
'Cccccc .. Craig' John Paul managed to mutter after the deafening silence.
'You really hurt me really hurt me' he said whispering so that Craig had to lean in just to hear his sweet voice.
'I know John Paul im so sorry' Craig said putting his hand on John Paul's hand trying to comfort him. At that moment neither of them could deny the electric spark and excitment that passed through both of these boys. Craig's body shivered with excitment at this contact with John Paul. No Stop he thought John Paul probably doesnt feel the same and you know I have Sarah. His thoughts were interuppted by John Paul speaking with a new found confidence.
'Your SORRY is that all you can say, the person I thought I could rely on the person i loved turn on me and beat seven shades of blue out of me adn YOUR SORRY' he screamed he'd had enough he thought and he got to his feet and ran away from the flat sobbing quietly as he left.
Loved? Does that mean he doesnt love me anymore what am i going to do i need to speak to him I need to know. At this precise moment Craig didnt know why he need to know if his friend loved him but it was the only thing that occupied his thoughts. Just as quickly as John Paul had got up Craig sped towards the door that his friend ha just left.

Nancy was sitting with Hannah and Sarah her gaze still fixed on that door her mind willing for them to come down. Firstly she wanted to apologize to John Paul and secondly she wanted to know what was going on.
'...... so what do you think Nance' said Hannah
'NANCY' Sarah shouted. Nancy broke her gaze from the door and looked at her firends with a slight smile.
'Sorry in a world of my own' she said desperate to look back at the door but not letting herself now fully aware of her company.
'Yeah we could see that' said Hannah smiling and raising her eyebrows at Sarah. They both giggled but Nancy didnt care she was worried about her friends they had been a long time .Where they alright? What was happening? Should i go up? all these questions arising in her head.
'What were you saying' refocusing her attention to the two girls, but placing her gaze back on the door.
'About John Paul's 18th...'
At this precise moment John Paul burst through the door Nancy's gaze had been so fixed on. His eyes red raw and tears rolling down his cheeks he looked over at his friends and then walked straigh ou of the pub he couldnt deal with them. As he lowered he saw Nancy staring it's her fault he thought if she hadnt laughed at me. Wh...What was he thinking it was always going to happen the confrontation he never really wanted.
Nancy regaining her thoughts looked shocked she wanted to run after her broken friend . But as she made her excuses to leave Craig burst through the same door John Paul had done moments earlier. His face pale and drained of it's usual sparkle. He had lost his cheeky smile instead it was replaced with a face of hurt and confusion. He looked upset she thought to herself.
'H...Have you seen John Paul' He said very fast.
Nacny just pointed to the door and with that signal Craig ran towards the entrance of the pub and disappeared through the frame.
'CRAIG' Sarah shouted but it was too late he had already gone. Nancy staring at the scene he best not hurt him he thought. She turned back to her friends and saw that their eyes were fixed on her obviously waiting for an explanation. But she didnt have the strenght ti explain the situation that happened earlier she was too concerned about her friend . She shook her head slowly at the two girls indicating it wasnt the time, but Sarah didnt pick up on this and pursed the matter.
'Why is Craig running after John Paul Nance' Sarah said calmly although inside she was envious of all the attention Craig paid to John Paul and how distant he had become.
'I dont know' replied and it was the truth she didnt know what happened upstair and she definelty feel like explaning the earlier situation to them . They returned to their drinks all in silence but this silence was deafening no-one knew what to talk about now with the boys dramatic exit.

Why did i have to go up there he thought Your such an idiot John Paul he curse i could have saved alot of heartache if i just let go and moved on. Moved on yeah sure. Like I could move on he's everywhere. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him and he sped up his walking pace he knew who it was. It could only be two people and he was pretty sure who it was.


ill leave it there for now let u think about who it is like you dont already know haha
thanks for all the awesome comments though.

x

Another brill part keep more coming please

Great chapter! I wish Craig wasn't such a coward though!

Can't wait for more

more please