I remember the look in your eyes When I told you that this was goodbye You were begging me not tonight Not here, not now
"Don't leave me," he croaked. I couldn't help turning back to get one last glance at the love of my life, and I instantly regretted it. He looked so beautiful and broken I just wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him it would be okay after all, not that he would allow me to.
"John-Paul." Two words, barely audible, that carried the weight of the world.
Two sinfully chocolate pools framed by gorgeous lashes clumped with tears, brimming with longing and desperation.
One look and I'm mesmerized by your eyes You're comin' like a hurricane Blowing down on me
Cause it's your mystery that captures me I'm falling in, drawing closer
I forced myself to look away, just leave while I still could, but my feet were momentarily stuck to the airport floor.
My heart was melting all over again. This had to stop. And sooner was better than later. I swallowed the lump in my throat and found my voice, though it was hoarser than I remembered. "Goodbye, Craig."
With that, I unplanted my soles from the ground and strode out with determined speed. This time I didn't look back.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery They say time will make all this go away but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say. But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away
... continued. from Craigy's POV this time. It's not strictly canon, but I thought certain things would have been nice touches
I still feel him gripping like a stain To fabric, torn at every seam Then thrown away One without regret I will not forget
Why should I take all the blame for my mistakes? You were there with every promise made to break When did you become the one without regret? Kill me Burn me down
"I'm sorry."
In that moment I truly felt numb, like every fiber of my being had died.
He was getting smaller and smaller... Everything I had come to love was disappearing in front of my eyes. I wondered how could I ever live without those rippled arms to guide me. Without feeling my palm fit around his waist. With only a hollow memory of the sweetest taste of all.
"Don't leave me." It had come out weaker than I would have wanted, but none of this was what I wanted. "John Paul," I urged.
I watched as he backtracked a little. So much hope flooded into my chest. I could almost declare my love from the hilltops, or maybe just the luggage check. Almost.
In places no one would find All your feelings so deep inside It was then that I realized That forever was in your eyes The moment I saw you cry
Those eyes, usually sparkling a crystal blue, were muddled by confused and anguished tears.
There was nothing I wanted more than to piece your broken smile back together, and it would have been so easy. No, it was simple, not easy. I am ashamed to say, but I lacked the strength, the courage to make you happy. Soon, I silently vowed. Soon I will be able to.
We had come so far... this couldn't be it, could it?
Your words were spinning around my head with dizzying speed. "You don't know who you are..." "I deserve more..." Maybe you were right.
A pair of words broke my line of thought. "Goodbye, Craig." Rushed shuffling followed.
I didn't stop you. So many times before you had saved me from myself... Now I was returning a bit of the favor: if I couldn't give you what you wanted, no, deserved, I had a chance to save you from me, just this once.
I brought my fingers to my lips and blew the meager love I had toward your retreating figure. I knew you would keep it safe.
Leave me once Leave me twice Kiss good-bye that will suffice When you go away Don't look back Leave me once and i'll be fine Leave me twice i'll make you mine Just one more chance to make it once again
I think this is beautiful. I hope we get some more!
McDean forever!!!! Member 59 of James Sutton Fan Club Member 9 of John Paul & Craig,Your Love Will Never End Founder of Sarah and Elliot Forever Club!!
Louisethe forum cheeki monkey Jess♥Mer♥Amy♥Nikki♥Lorna♥Michelle♥Gaby♥Emily♥Beth♥Hannah♥Lolly♥Lexie♥Bexi♥Becky♥Brooke♥Katrina♥Yasmin♥ Steve my forum ladd!! ♥Nikki i luv u! ur my bestest frend! my partner in crime♥ JP/K 4EVA!!! ♥SAG♥
And now I'm convinced on the inside That something's wrong with me Convinced on the inside You're so much more than me
I'm beaten down again, I belong to them Beaten down again, I've failed you I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them Beaten down again, I've failed you
Surrounded by deafening jeers, I take the first steps toward a mistake. I know no one here cared enough to torment me. Even so, the laughs, the taunts, the "I knew it"'s, the insults are as real as ever. I want to scream "I'M NOT GAY" to dispel them, but then I'd be letting John Paul down again, wouldn't I?
I don't realize how hard I was biting down until crimson pain stunned me back to my senses. Served my cursed tongue well, for betraying and hurting more than a few times too many. Yet even now...
I know I'm a touch overrated, but it hurts too much to be hated.
So, what else can I do? Live on, perfect lies, live on...
Save some face, you know you've only got one Change your ways while you're young Boy, one day you'll be a man Girl, he'll help you understand Smile like you mean it [yeah Craig's not a girl but he's acting like one and I like that song ]
I wonder if I can ever change. Could Craig Dean stop being a coward and realize how much was at stake? Could Craig Dean get over himself?
Would such an epiphany coincide with John Paul getting over me? Surely he should move on in the absence of the shadow I cast onto his life. Nonetheless, it's in my nature to be selfish.
A terrible tragedy? I manage to halt the scenarios before they started enacting themselves. If I've learned one thing, it's that ignorance was bliss.
My wedding day? I haven't even gotten around to think about what I'll do in Dublin. Maybe I could go through the ordeal again, even follow through this time... Settle down with a girl - after all I'm not gay - amazing enough to make me forget what I'm missing. But how could I love her fully, when a shard of my heart had lodged itself in a blue-eyed boy the day my past exploded? Could I do that to someone else? No, she deserved more. They all deserve far more than I can give.
His? Sickening jealousy starts sinking in again. I know I have no right to feel it.
Before then, surely. But this was too soon. Wasn't it?
This is goodbye Well at least for now Until I pick up the pieces My self-esteem was thrown away Have you no more to say
My pride is crushed by idle hands And these scars won't show People never will know Or see your face beneath That mask that you show
Tomorrow ends today No more hurting
I make my way onto the escalator, still running on autopilot.
That's when it really sinks in. I haven't lost John Paul - I gave him up.
With the pain of reality to bolster my resolve, I block the voices into a dussty corner of my mind. There, they couldn't get to me anymore. Maybe the only way to realize what really mattered was to lose it.
I'm still not sure who I am, but I do know what I want...
With a glimmer of hope, I scramble down the escalator. I had to see, I want to try, I need to know: Is it too late now?
But I know if I could do it over I would trade Give away all the words That I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
[b]Songs:[b/] "Truth" by Seether "Smile Like You Mean It" by The Killers "Tomorrow Ends Today" by 24 Hours Ago "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
I messed up the style taglines. Here's a neater version... not that anyone's reading it anyhow
quote:
Originally posted by rukrazy02: i was kinda stuck so plz tell me if it's bad
3.
And now I'm convinced on the inside That something's wrong with me Convinced on the inside You're so much more than me
I'm beaten down again, I belong to them Beaten down again, I've failed you I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them Beaten down again, I've failed you
Surrounded by deafening jeers, I take the first steps toward a mistake. I know no one here cared enough to torment me. Even so, the laughs, the taunts, the "I knew it"'s, the insults are as real as ever. I want to scream "I'M NOT GAY" to dispel them, but then I'd be letting John Paul down again, wouldn't I?
I don't realize how hard I was biting down until crimson pain stunned me back to my senses. Served my cursed tongue well, for betraying and hurting more than a few times too many. Yet even now...
I know I'm a touch overrated, but it hurts too much to be hated.
So, what else can I do? Live on, perfect lies, live on...
Save some face, you know you've only got one Change your ways while you're young Boy, one day you'll be a man Girl, he'll help you understand Smile like you mean it [yeah Craig's not a girl but he's acting like one and I like that song ]
I wonder if I can ever change. Could Craig Dean stop being a coward and realize how much was at stake? Could Craig Dean get over himself?
Would such an epiphany coincide with John Paul getting over me? Surely he should move on in the absence of the shadow I cast onto his life. Nonetheless, it's in my nature to be selfish.
A terrible tragedy? I manage to halt the scenarios before they started enacting themselves. If I've learned one thing, it's that ignorance was bliss.
My wedding day? I haven't even gotten around to think about what I'll do in Dublin. Maybe I could go through the ordeal again, even follow through this time... Settle down with a girl - after all I'm not gay - amazing enough to make me forget what I'm missing. But how could I love her fully, when a shard of my heart had lodged itself in a blue-eyed boy the day my past exploded? Could I do that to someone else? No, she deserved more. They all deserve far more than I can give.
His? Sickening jealousy starts sinking in again. I know I have no right to feel it.
Before then, surely. But this was too soon. Wasn't it?
This is goodbye Well at least for now Until I pick up the pieces My self-esteem was thrown away Have you no more to say
My pride is crushed by idle hands And these scars won't show People never will know Or see your face beneath That mask that you show
Tomorrow ends today No more hurting
I make my way onto the escalator, still running on autopilot.
That's when it really sinks in. I haven't lost John Paul - I gave him up.
With the pain of reality to bolster my resolve, I block the voices into a dussty corner of my mind. There, they couldn't get to me anymore. Maybe the only way to realize what really mattered was to lose it.
I'm still not sure who I am, but I do know what I want...
With a glimmer of hope, I scramble down the escalator. I had to see, I want to try, I need to know: Is it too late now?
But I know if I could do it over I would trade Give away all the words That I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
Songs "Truth" by Seether "Smile Like You Mean It" by The Killers "Tomorrow Ends Today" by 24 Hours Ago "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
I love your fic, it's so beautifuly written, can't wait for more!
McDean forever!!!! Member 59 of James Sutton Fan Club Member 9 of John Paul & Craig,Your Love Will Never End Founder of Sarah and Elliot Forever Club!!
#57 James Sutton Fan Club #2 of John Paul+ Craig your love will never end Club #24 of the we will NEVER 4get U Guy Burnet Club True Blue McDeaner Fan for life
You're not the man who gave me everything I've ever wanted You're not the man Who stepped inside my life And haunted every, every day
I blink back burning tears that threaten to spill out my inner lugubriosity.
I had been bluffing my resolve back there. The truth was, had Craig run after me and begged me to stay, I knew that despite myself I would have. But he hadn't. And I couldn't break down now, not here.
The frigid air was nothing compared to what I was feeling on the inside. It was like going cold turkey after the best high of my life. Should I have stopped my addiction from consuming me?
That was the thing. I could love Craig unwaveringly, unconditionally. I could surrender my entire world to him in hopes of being a piece of yours. But could he say the same?
Craig was so confused, so troubled. He didn't know what to be, how to act, who to please. He never really was his own, so how could he have given himself to me?
We just need time, we just need time I beg to kiss your heart, your hand To kiss your mouth I pray you'll look me in the eye And share your doubts
He'd want more time, but all I wanted was him. With every compromise we made, he'd get your way. Until now.
This time, I had myself to think about. Was it too much to ask, when I was about to give up my life as I knew it? Was touching me so embarassing an act that it couldn't do it in broad daylight? Was it that shameful to love me?
I wish it was, I really do. I wish I could be the one who was wrong. But I really don't think I am.
I wipe away the saline trails from my face.
How did everything become such a mess? You fell in love, a voice answered.
I miss the words I love the words you did not say I miss the kiss you never Never gave away
There goes the sun, oceans away And days die young when you're gone And you're gone There goes the sun, oceans away And leaves the day for someone else
Honestly I thought That we could make it all the way Barefoot on beaches Dancing against the gray But stone by stone The castle crumbled to the ground I stood and stared As you started to fall into the waves
This has all the workings of a melodramatic soap opera, I muse.
Where do I go from here? I forget what my life was like without Craig's eternal radiance. Did we give up too soon? I imagine him lost and alone, and my resolve starts to crumble...
No, I can't go there. But I will miss the prospect of saving him. There was a certain satisfaction from it I craved, the feeling of being needed. And he always needed saving.
Like now. I could be there now, and thereafter. But what if one day I wasn't there, and someone else saved him instead? Would it change how he felt? Could he resist the temptation?
If it's the answer I'm dreading, I don't want to know. The image of Craig in someone else's arms burns into my retinas. But then again, my worst nightmare will come true anyway, won't it?
But it would hurt more that way, than this way. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, John Paul.
I absent-mindedly look at my watch. The one he gave me. It's nearing take-off. Maybe I should go and see his flight off, for closure's sake. And if it's not too late, maybe...
Should I? Maybe it'll be okay. I've, no, we've already come this far. This time he took a fall too. Maybe I should wait a little longer. Maybe we should try.
I hurry in the direction of the airport, with a two-word mantra in mind: Love always.
Am I wrong? Have I run too far to get home? Am I gone? And left you here alone If I would could you?
Songs: "You're Not the Man" by Sade "(We Just Need) Time" by Ronan Keating "Oceans Away" by The Fray "Would" by Alice in Chains
McDean forever!!!! Member 59 of James Sutton Fan Club Member 9 of John Paul & Craig,Your Love Will Never End Founder of Sarah and Elliot Forever Club!!
here's that happy ending we all need to find somewhere... apologies in advance if it's too choppy... tell me what you think.
5.
Fumbling his confidence And wondering why the world has passed him by Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments And failed attempts to fly We were meant to live for so much more
Craig's stomach lurched more violently the longer he looked. Where was John Paul? Had he blown it for good this time?
No sign of John Paul anywhere. Craig feared he was too late. Dejected and forlorn, he started walking back to the boarding gate...
This kind of dance can never last One step forward and two step back Nobody gets too far like that
John Paul head toward the terminal for the third time that day. The first time he had entered with Craig and entered alone. The second time he had made it to the door and turned around. Now he was determined to go all the way.
Still, John Paul felt incredibly uneasy as he headed toward the terminal. Terminal. What if Craig had rethought everything and concluded that their relationship was terminal? Should he even bother trying if it would only be in vain?
A Loreal poster caught his eye. Yes it was, John Paul thought, because he's worth it. John Paul approached his dreams at full speed, hoping for the best but braced for the worst.
On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up
Craig turned around again. He couldn't walk away from the man he loved, not without knowing.
Trapped in a sea of people, Craig struggled to see if the face he longed for was among them. Suddenly he saw John Paul, sheepishly staring back, thumbs twiddling his belt loops. Craig froze.
I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout Welcome to resistance The tension is here Between who you are and who you could be Between how it is and how it should be
John Paul spotted Craig from a distance, straying in the opposite direction of the boarding queue. He thought his eyes were mistaken at first, but no, that was definitely his favorite brown-eyed boy.
John Paul slowly pushed his way through the swarming mass, all the while making sure his steps brought him closer to Craig. Craig, who seemed to have seen him, looked dazed. Suddenly they were inches away. It felt like time was at a standstill, and they were all that mattered...
"Craig, I'm sorry, I was stupid, if you still want to, you know, you don't have to-"
It was John Paul's turn to be shocked as Craig's mouth enveloped his in a passionate declaration.
No fact or fiction or storyline Cause I need you more than just for tonight You're, oh, all I care I can't stop my breathing in I'm weak and you were my medicine I won't stop till I am under your skin
In John Paul's presence, all of Craig's doubts melted away. Before he knew it, he had grabbed John Paul and frantically locked lips. Craig was vaguely aware that they were surrounded by people, but they were faceless, insignificant. Craig only had eyes for the beautiful boy in his arms.
John Paul had been stumbling his way through some unfortunately protracted explanation. At least one of them could get to the point quickly.
John Paul's breath sent tingles down his spines. Nothing felt more right than the moment.
There were times I ran to hide Afraid to show the other side Alone in the night without you
But now I know just who you are And I know you hold my heart Finally this is where I belong It is you I have loved all along
John Paul idly thumbed the top of Craig's hand. Even their fingers seemed to fit together. Craig sleepily rested his head against John Paul's shoulder. John Paul looked out the window at a dazzling sunset across clear skies.
Their bright new beginning was only hours away, John Paul was sure. With Craig by his side, he sunk into a peaceful slumber.
They say first love never dies... Which is true, unless you're lucky. And first love never ends.
Me and you and you and me No matter how they toss the dice It had to be The only one for me is you And you for me So happy together I can see me lovin' nobody but you For all my life
Songs: "Meant to Live" by Switchfoot "One Step Forward" by Desert Rose Band "Far Away" by Nickelback "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot "Five Minutes to Midnight" by Boys Like Girls (no they don't ) "It Is You (I Have Loved)" by Dana Glover "So Happy Together" by The Turtles
This was the best chapter of all!! How I wish this was the ending...So romantic...
Thank you!!!
McDean forever!!!! Member 59 of James Sutton Fan Club Member 9 of John Paul & Craig,Your Love Will Never End Founder of Sarah and Elliot Forever Club!!
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