She stood there, shaking uncontrollably tears wept from her eyes leaving trails of mascara running down her cheeks. Quickly turning around, as if it would make everything go away she stood in the corner of the bathroom, head in hands. Slowly she slid down the side of the wall trembling a little more with every movement.
She eventually stood up from the bathroom floor, still shaken, took a deep breath and flushed the toilet. She splashed some cold water on her blackened cheeks and patted her face with the towel. Unlocking the door, her heart began to race faster and faster her breathing getting heavier and heaver. Slowly moving away from the door to gather her thoughts, she took one quick glance in the mirror. It wasn’t her looking back; she’d disgusted herself, these thoughts running wild around her head once again.

For the first time since her recovery she had seen herself the way everyone else must’ve saw her. A mess. A big fat mess, it’s really not surprising how every boy hurts her in the end. She deserved it.


Don't know whether to carry it on...

more please

After gathering her thoughts and sorting out her head as much as possible she sat cross legged on her bed. The bed she and John-Paul had shared. The bed she used to curl up in and deny herself of the hunger pains. The bed she and Melissa would sit on for hours talking calories, fat and weight. The very same bed Danny had destroyed her once again. Why does nothing ever seem to want to work out for her? She’d never understood why.
No more will she take being this failure, the one everyone think it’s ok to hurt.

“I doubt there could be a future with us, it’ll be best to be friends.”
“I’m gay.” You turned me gay.
“I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship.” I want out, now. You disgust me.

No more.

She slowly watched the clock, minute by minute. It was only a matter of time till someone shouted up. Dinner time was approaching, being here once before she was sure her family had worked out all the tricks. Racking her brains for a half decent reason why she wouldn’t need dinner, was taking more effort than she’d imagined.

“Josh! Get out, you haven’t even knocked!” Slightly jumping from the noise of her bedroom door opening and her brother just walking in, Hannah snapped. She jumped up from her bed and pushed Josh further towards her bedroom door.
“Calm down, Mum said to tell you dinner’s ready.” He raised eyebrows and gave Hannah one of his shifty looks.
“Right, well I’m coming. You still could’ve knocked.” Hannah tugged onto the sleeves of her cardigan and anxiously followed Josh down the stairs, counting each stair until she was finally at the bottom.

“Hiya Love, how’s your day been?” Her Mum asked, as she dished up the vegetables onto each plate.
“Not good, by the way she spoke to me upstairs.” Josh mumbled as he took a bite out of the piece of chicken on his plate.
The sounds, the movements, just everything about the way he was eating that chicken made her want to walk out the room. Was there any need to be such a sloppy eater? It wasn’t just Josh, once Suzanne had finished dishing everything out; the rest of the Ashworth’s began to tuck into their food, like pigs.
Their lips slapping of each other, grease from the chicken dripping down their chins, Rhys picking food out of his teeth.
Finally she had thought of a good enough reason to leave the table, after all, why would they suspect anything? She’s recovered. It’s all over, back to normal.
“Actually Mum, I’ve got a bit of a headache, can I re-heat mine later, I just want to have a lie down for a bit.” She lied, as she began to push her chair back out from underneath her. She quickly looked around the animals she was sat with, none of them clicked, to busy stuffing their faces, which was perfect.
“Oh, a bit of food might help, you know.”
“Yea maybe, but I think I might just need half an hours sleep first, then have my Dinner.” Hannah couldn’t help but feel proud of these lies she kept spinning, they just came out so nicely. Not forced, and in the end her plan had worked.

Upstairs, Hannah new, all she had to do was sleep, or at least pretend to sleep for the rest of the night. She lay there for a while thinking about what she’d done. It was so easy, if the don’t suspect, then there’s no reason for her to stop.

Slowly but surely she knew she would get her control back.

This is a really good fic. Please carry on soon.

Awoken by the sound of Rhys banging on drums, Hannah slowly adjusts her eyes to the light shining through the window. Waking up eleven times through the night, she was thankful for it to be morning. Having those, all too familiar feelings back again she slowly dragged her weak body out of bed.

It had been a week since that first meal she decided not to eat. Each day she kept telling herself, it’ll get easier, she knows she can do it, she’s done it before. But somewhere deep down inside she knew it was only a matter of time till she would spiral out of control once again, was she already out of control?
She didn’t have time to think about that at the minute, her mind was preoccupied by what the scale would say as soon as she steps on it. The week had been surprisingly easy to avoid as much food as possible, due to both her parents working long days, Josh focusing on exams, and Rhys, well Rhys has no right sticking his nose in anyone’s business; not with what he had been up to the past few months.

Feeling cold and weak she bent down to remove the scale she had hidden under her bed. Dizzy spells came and she found herself gripping onto her quilt for that extra bit of sturdiness. Finding her feet she stood upright and slowly but surely headed towards the bathroom. Once returned to her own room again, she shut the door and one foot after the other she stepped onto the scale. Butterflies began to form in the pit of her stomach, which for a short time, got rid of the hunger pangs which she had been experiencing for the past few days.

This was it, moment of truth, like every other morning. What the scale says decides what her day will be like. Closing her eyes for a few seconds, she looked down at the scale and re-opened them; a rush of emptiness filled her head. She quickly focused, and read the scale. And again, again and one final time.

“GUESS WHO’S BACK?!” A familiar voice shouted through the house as they entered the front door.
This was all she needed, another pair of eyes. Hannah took a deep breath then exhaled. It was time to go down stairs; she flung on a pair of jeans and a loose fitted cardigan, roughly tied her long blonde hair back into a messy ponytail.
Gilly had been away on a two week course somewhere up North, to gain more experience to help Neville with his new projects he had lined up.

Giving Gilly a few minutes to get sorted back at home, Hannah then headed downstairs. The closer she got to the living room, the louder she was sure her stomach was growling.
“Hannah! I’m back, no need to miss me any longer.” Gilly joked as he wrapped his arms around her. “Are you ok? You look pale…” He gave a weary look and examined her. All along she knew Gilly would be the hardest to hide it from, as he was the first to realise something was wrong, last time.
“I’m fine” She plastered a smile on her face. “Now, what did you get up to?” Trying to change the subject, she flopped her body down onto the sofa and kept a smile on her face, all the while still making eye-contact. “…Come on, you’re bound to of got into so sort of trouble Gilly Roach.”

Confusion swept across Gilly’s face, Hannah studied it.
“Han, you’re not…you know?.. You are eating aren’t you?” He’d clicked, he couldn’t get the right words out, and he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. She took her eyes off him and looked towards the T.V for a millisecond.
“Don’t be so stupid Gilly.”
“Han…”
“Gilly! Why won’t you just drop it alright, I’ve had a bit of a cold. That is all. Yet, you still feel you have the right to come home, stroll in and assume the worst!” She was fired up now, all the emotions she’d had frozen out the past week came flying out. “How on earth do you think this makes me feel? You’re bringing it all back, when I’ve tried so hard, SO HARD to forget it all.” She’d managed to cause herself to cry. Pretty sure they were real tears, but not for these reasons.
She began to feel the hate towards him, like she did the last time they were in this sticky situation.

Remembering what she made him go through, she stopped herself, stood up and headed off back upstairs. Gilly was left sitting there hurt and confused. He knew he had to do something, but just like Hannah, he remembered what happened last time. Surely nothing of the sort would arise again. He didn’t want to risk it. He left her alone to calm down a little.

All the shouting intrigued Rhys and he was already half way down the stairs as Hannah was on her way back to her room. Seeing tears roll down her cheek Rhys wanted to know what was up.
“Hannah, what’s wrong? Is It Gilly?” The slightest little thing that Gilly could’ve done to upset Hannah would be enough to make Rhys kick off with him. Maybe this was a way to win his sister back…
She ignored his questioning and carried on.

Brilliant! Please update soon.

Great
More Soon Please

I love Hannah!

Please do more!

Love it!
More??

This is really good.
You should make more

_______________________________________________

This is really good..carry on

Love this

I've done a bit, it's really boring tbh. And I dunno whether to carry on. =/

Rhys paced straight into the front room where Gilly was sat, still overwhelmed by what had just happened; he didn’t understand how none of the Ashworth’s had clicked.
“Why’s my sister upstairs crying? She was fine till you got back.” Emphasizing the fact that Hannah is still his sister, no matter how much Gilly tries to take over.

Shaking his head in disgust, Gilly couldn’t actually believe how pathetic he’s acting.
“Come on then, I’m waiting for an answer…”
“Look ma-… If you care so much about Han, like you’re making out you do, then surely even the likes of you, could work out what she’s doing.”
“What? So I don’t care about her now do I not?” Grabbing Gilly by his shirt Rhys pushed him to the other side of the room. “Likes of me? Ha, you make me laugh. Coming from the bloke who has no home and has to doss around here, when really no one wants you. There’s only so much brown-nosing Neville will take before, even he gets bored of you Gilly.” Sharply removing his hands from Gilly’s clothes.

“Yea, likes of you, you know, people who sleep with their sister.” Gilly came within centimetres of Rhys face and stared right at him. He regained control of himself, stopping him self lashing out at Rhys; the best friends he’d had since he was a kid, the brother figure. It was always the both of them causing trouble, the both of them playing pranks on anyone they could, the both of them arguing with whoever else. Defending each other and sticking by each other.

Gilly no longer knew the guy stood in front of him.

Gilly wasn’t even in the house for half an hour before Rhys had ordered him to leave. How dare he bring Beth into this, after everything.

“Rhys, you know what Gilly’s like. Just drop it, will you?” Hannah sat on her bed reading a magazine. She couldn’t look him in the eye. She’d lied enough for today.
“So it’s just a bug you’ve had, right?”
“Yes.” Taking her eyes away from the pages she looked up at her brother and gave him a convincing smile. “Where’s Gilly anyways?”
“Oh don’t worry about him, I’ve told him he’s not welcome back here”
“WHAT? Why? Rhys!” It’d happened again, her lies had backfired on Gilly. He must feel awful.
She feels awful.
“What do you mean? He’s lying just to cause more drama for us.” A sort of proud smug look appeared on his face.
“He’s causing drama?! He was just looking out for me, it was a mistake, and he’d got the wrong end of the stick.” Hannah stood up and dragged her weak body around her room. She couldn’t help but pace around. Everything she does seems to cause upset for everyone around her.
“Look, he’s gone now; it’s the end of it. We would never have been able to be mates again, not how we were. Just need to explain to Mum…And Josh, he’s only just started being alright with me.” The grin on his face was soon wiped of, at the thought of Josh not speaking to him again.


“Wait a minute!” She had to think quickly, if Rhys tells all the happenings to her parents, they’ll watch her like a hawk, like last time. “What exactly are you going to tell them?”
“Exactly what happened.” And with that Rhys was on his way back down stairs.
Running down the stairs after him, Hannah knew she had to persuade him to say nothing. “Rhys.” She knows if she words this wrong, then it’ll be over. “Don’t you think its best we don’t mention what Gilly had said? I mean, there really is no point because I don’t want them to be-.”
He stopped her. “Course I’m going to tell them.” Rhys grabbed his wallet from the table. “Right, I’m off down the pub, any problems just ring.”
“FINE! You tell them, they’re just going to be worrying for no reason. Making me feel pathetic. I hate this Rhys!” Following Rhys to the door, she had to do something, anything.
“Han, it’s ok, they’ll understand.” He ruffled the top of her hair and headed out the door.

That was it, the final straw.
He wouldn’t even listen to what she had to say. She was fuming. Realising the house was empty, she did what she knew best.
Heading into the kitchen, she had blocked out all her feelings.
Before she knew it, she’d raider the fridge, taking bites out of left over meat, chocolate, vegetables; anything she could get her hands on. Stuffing it all in without even chewing, it would only be a matter of time till she started choking on the contents in her mouth. Her body shaking, eyes streaming, she still carried on. In it went. Her binge didn’t even last fifteen minutes, yet, she had consumed more food than an average person would in a day. She’s not an average person and she knew that.
After purging it all into the toilet, she felt it all, all the guilt, all the hatred towards herself, every ounce of her body was aching. She sat and cried. Cried for her, cried for Gilly and cried for her family. It was happening again it was all out of her control.

As she sat frozen in the bathroom she heard movement down stairs. “Hannah? Rhys? We’re back.”
Only at that split second she realised what her parents would be walking into. The kitchen was a state. Hannah didn’t have time to think about the mess, back then. She bit her lip just waiting for their reaction. Empty wrappers on the units, fridge wide open, half eaten food just sitting there, crumbs everywhere. There was nothing she could do now.

Wow!

This is soooo good!

I really like this story.
Write more