Jess' POV
A whole year to the day that I left Hollyoaks and left behind the people who mattered most to me. My friends. I probably wasn't the best friend to have around, I changed and the change in me only made me a bad person. I hated myself but I sometimes I couldn't seem to stop myself from going to the next bad thing. The money problems became unbearable and I felt like I had no one to turn to. Zoe was always off with Darren, I couldn't tell Zak and Kris? Well when he got back from his holiday, things clearly weren't the same as they had been. We hardly spent anytime together and the spark I thought we once had, had gone. I didn't think I could turn to him like I could before and I suppose I was always scared he'd make fun of the fact that the one time posh girl from St Albans wasn't so rich anymore. I knew what he could be like at times and I knew I wouldn't have handled it. Before he left from that Summer he was supportive, he said he'd help me and he meant it to. We did things together and just being with him made me forget how terrible my life was, that's probably because when I was with him I felt nothing but happiness, he made me happy as crazy as that sounds now.
However, I was on the road to destruction. I drifted away from Kris, Zoe and Zak and made the ultimate mistake of getting involved with Darren Osbourne, Zoe's boyfriend! No wonder she hates me, I hate me. Just the thought of it now, makes my stomach churn. I needed money, he was there with plenty and that seemed the perfect solution to me at the time, I wasn't thinking I just did what I had to, even if it meant breaking my best friend's heart. Kris revealed it all, I was probably far too obvious and he worked out what was going on. I begged him to keep quiet but it was to late, everyone heard what we were saying and that was me finished in Hollyoaks. I couldn't stay around after Zoe said she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, Zak tried to be there and said she'd come round but I knew she wouldn't and I knew I had to leave.
New Years night, I packed my things without telling anyone. They were all out at the SU and I didn't want to cause a scene or ruin their night. I called a taxi when Zoe came back with Kris,they guessed I was leaving and Zoe said she'd be glad to see the back of me. I couldn't blame her as she stormed back to the party, which left me with Kris. I was upset and all he did was shout at me more, he said he'd never hated me until now and that's when I grabbed my cases and rushed out to get in that taxi. What was the point in staying if Kris hated me? I could deal with everyone else but not him, that crushed me. I paid one final visit to Darren and he wasn't even there, just a wad of cash lying on the table, so I thought I may aswell get something back on him and I took that and left.
I'm not proud of myself, even now but i've moved on and I suppose not hearing from any of them has done me the world of good. Ofcourse I think about them, especially Zoe and Kris but I doubt they think about me. I ruined their lives, why would they think about me?
"Jess, you are coming tonight aren't you?"
It's Lianne, my flatmate. I met with her about eight months ago now, but we're so alike and we get on really well. I like her and she's certainly cheered me up over this year. She knows alot about my past, we tell each other everything now but she rarely asks questions about Kris or Zoe because she knows, that sometimes I don't like to talk about them. Our other flatmate, Heather, should be back any second now. She's equally as nice, but she reminds me so much of Zoe. That can be difficult at times and I think that's why i'm not as open to her about things.
"Oh, I don't know anymore..."
"What?" She jumps next to me, placing her arm around my shoulder. "You have to come, it's New Year."
"I know..." I smile weakly. "I just hate this time of year, that's all."
"I know how difficult it must be but..."
"It's just, I always thought i'd be spending New Year with Kris, Zoe even Zak but i'm here."
"You say it like it's a bad thing." She laughs.
"Oh it's not..."
"I know it's not." She pulls me into a hug. "You must miss them."
"Sometimes."
"I'd really like it if you could make it, it's our first as mates you know?"
I smile, she really knows how to cheer me up at times.
"I best start getting ready then."
"Great, i'll crack open the wine. Bring you through a glass!"
I search frantically for an outfit but that takes longer that I expected because nothing I tried on felt right.In the end I go with something I haven't put on in a while, Kris bought me this when we actually did get along. I haven't worn it much, only when I went out and knew he'd be there. I knew he liked it, the look on his face would tell me that, I always loved catching him looking at me because he'd pretend he wasn't when I knew he was. It all fell apart after that, he didn't seem to look at me the same anymore. I pull myself together, promising not to cry any tears tonight.
"Here you are..." She walks in handing me a glass of wine. "Wow Jess, you look amazing!"
"Really? You think this looks ok, I haven't worn it in a while..."
"It's gorgeous, why haven't I seen this before. More to the point why haven't I borrowed it?"
"Kris gave it to me..." I smile sadly.
"Oh right, was it his?"
"No!" I laugh. "He bought me it, as a present. One of the days we were actually getting along."
"It really suits you."
"That's exactly what he said, not that he kept it on me for long..."
"Jess, too much info!" She laughs, pouring more wine. "I'm just going to get myself sorted out."
She leaves me to it and after another ten minutes, I decide I look good enough for going to a New Year party. I'm not looking to meet anyone anyway, I never have been since leaving. There was one guy but it didn't feel right and I was still going through the stages of thinking about Kris, every second of everyday. It sounds crazy because when I left, he was getting cosy with some other girl. I can't even remember her name now, Summer or something but she was so up herself I couldn't warm to her on the few times we did meet.
As I make my way back into the front room, I see that Heather's arrived back. I rush over and welcome her before she starts paying compliments about my dress. Thanking her, I let her join in with the wine. I suppose i'm not as close to Heather as I am to Lianne, Heather knows very little about my past and i've only mentioned Kris and Zoe by name, she knows nothing about them but she doesn't mind that.
"So how was your day?" I ask, sitting next to her.
"Oh not bad, actually I meant to call you earlier. Something weird happened."
"Really?" I laugh, sipping my wine. "What?"
"Some guy was waiting outside when I left this morning..."
"Ohh have you got a stalker?!" Again, I laugh seeing how ridiculous she finds it. "Sorry, go on."
"Well he asked if I knew you..."
"Me?!" I suddenly become more interested. "Why would anyone hear want to look for me?"
"Well that's what I thought, especially a guy like this one."
"Wh, what do you mean 'a guy like this one?' Did he give you a name?"
"No, said it was nothing to do with me. He was quite rude actually, I felt like smacking him!"
"This guy you saw, what did he look like?"
"Guy?" She laughs. "I'm not sure you could say that, Jess he was wearing Women's clothes, make up, the lot!"
"You're kidding me right?" I suddenly feel nervous, sick even.
"I wish I was, I thought Jessica Harris didn't know anyone like that!" She smiles. "I've never seen anyone like him."
"What did you say to him?"
"Well, I asked him questions but he kept being really snappy so I said I didn't know you."
"And he believed you right?" I ask hoping she says yes. "Hez, did he believe you?"
"Er, I think so. Why, do you know who he is?"
"There's only one bloke I know who wears make up, skirts, the lot..."
"So you do know him then?"
"Yeah..." I sigh and take a large gulp of wine. "That's Kris."
Leon Jackson <3 There can be miracles, when you believe...
Celtic FC-Lisbon 1967
Kris & Jess Forever ♥
. I hope you don't take to long to post the next part.
