PART 40 – Heart to Heart
‘There you go,’ Hannah said as she gently placed a mug of steaming tea in front of her friend.
She had never seen him look so down before, at least, not in a long time.
‘Thanks,’ he weakly smiled as he watched her rest on the chair next to him in the kitchen.
‘I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to come round a lot sooner,’ she quietly apologised, ‘You know I would have done if it weren’t for all the assignments and work getting in the way.’
‘I understand, you don’t need to apologise Han,’ John Paul kindly replied.
‘It’s…’ Hannah struggled, ‘It’s just so horrible to see you like this,’ she confessed, ‘you’re my big strong John Paul and…to see you this heartbroken, it kills me!’
‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ he said in a small, self pitying voice, ‘I’m going to be fine.’
But Hannah wasn’t so sure that he would be. She wasn’t lying when she said that it was horrible to look at him; he looked an utter wreck. He was sat next to her looking ill and exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes were a tell tale sign of this, as was the pale complexion that seemed to be covering face; he truly looked like a broken man.
‘Have you heard from him?’ she asked with caution, fearing what kind of response she would be granted.
‘Yeah,’ he answered, eliciting a smile on Hannah’s face.
‘Well that’s a good start,’ she smiled warmly, trying to inject some optimism into her friend, ‘What did he say?’
‘Just that he’s going to come around today and pick up his stuff,’ John Paul sighed, with the pain of this statement piercing through his eyes.
‘Oh,’ Hannah said, realising that contact with Stephen hadn’t been a good thing after all.
The two sat in thick silence for a few seconds now with John Paul wallowing in his pain and Hannah wondering what she could possibly say to cheer her friend up, but as she thought, she couldn’t help but wonder how the events John Paul had described to her had escalated into such drastic consequences.
‘I don’t get it,’ she finally said breaking the silence, ‘I don’t understand why this has all happened.’
‘What’s there to get?’ John Paul feebly shrugged, ‘He thought I was cheating on him.’
‘Yeah, but all that from finding a condom in your pocket?’ she scoffed, ‘It just seems a bit…well drastic and over the top.’
‘Yeah, well add into the mix the fact that he was getting suspicious to why I spent so much time with Craig,’ he explained, ‘Oh and the fact that I accidentally let slip that me and Craig used to be more than just friends.’
‘Oh,’ was all Hannah could say again, that definitely explained a lot now.
‘Tell me about it,’ a defeated John Paul groaned.
The silence made its unwelcome return again as the pair pondered away to themselves, both asking thousands of questions in their own minds about the whole situation.
There was one question that Hannah was desperate to ask, although she was sure she shouldn’t. She knew John Paul wouldn’t appreciate the fact that she needed to question him about it. Taking a sigh, she asked it anyway.
‘And…were you?’ the question was quiet and timid.
She waited for it, for the anger and the hurt; she even had her eyes closed in anticipation for the reply. Yet after a few seconds she realised she wasn’t to receive such a reaction. On hearing something, a few quiet sobs, she flung her eyes wide open.
‘John Paul!’ she soothingly exclaimed as her eyes laid sight on a reaction she never expected.
‘John Paul!’ she repeated as she now rubbed his back.
Oh god, she thought feeling overwhelmed, how could she fix this, how could she fix the broken mess that was her best friend?
‘I didn’t do anything Hannah,’ he was at last able to breathe out through his sobs, ‘That’s what makes this so frustrating. How can I win him back when he’s demanding to know the truth but won’t accept it when I give it to him?’
He looked to her with desperation in his eyes, looking for a solution from his friend but as she stared back with a similar look of desperation, but only one of trying to know the answers for him, he could see she couldn’t grant him any solution.
‘I don’t know John Paul,’ she said in a small, regretful voice as she slid her hand over his, which was resting on the kitchen table.
He quickly snapped his hand away from her and brought it to his face, as he done with his other one, and buried his face, groaning as he done so. As the noise of his torture filled the air, another one joined it; it was the door bell.
John Paul sharply removed his hands from his face, revealing his wide eyes and a look of dread.
The door bell rang once again.
‘Do you want me to get that?’ Hannah asked him once it was clear he had no intention of answering it himself.
‘Yeah,’ was the appreciative nod which commanded Hannah to rise from her seat and make her way to the front door.
‘What if it’s Stephen?’ Hannah asked as she halted in her pace.
This provoked a heavy sigh from John Paul, as if he was now defeated.
‘Then tell him if he wants to speak to me, I’m in the kitchen,’ he mournfully replied.
‘You sure?’ Hannah asked, uncertain of her friend’s defeated attitude.
But he didn’t reply and the sound of the doorbell caused Hannah to drag herself away from him, her question unanswered.
She could feel her stomach churn as she walked down the hall, closer to the door and closer to the imminent arrival of more heartache for her friend. Poor John Paul, he didn’t deserve any of this. As she reached for the door handle, she could feel her heart beat faster with anticipation of what was going to be a truly awkward moment but to her relief, the person standing at the now opened door only caused her to wipe her brow in relief.
‘Craig,’ she smiled warmly, thankful of his presence.
‘Hi Han,’ Craig shifted like a child coming to the door of his recently punished best friend, ‘Erm, is John Paul in?’
‘Yeah, he’s through in the kitchen,’ Hannah explained.
John Paul sat at the kitchen table, listening out to what was happening at the door. At first he could only hear murmurs but he soon heard Hannah explain where he was; it must have been Stephen. Tensing up on this realisation, he tried to compose himself and wiped away any tears that still lingered in his eyes. Listening closely he could hear two sets of footsteps walk down the laminate floor of the hall towards the kitchen. Did Stephen really want to talk to him?
‘Alright?’ he heard from behind him; coming from a voice he never thought in his life that he’d be disappointed to hear; it was Craig who had come to talk to him, not Stephen.
He turned around and looked up at his old friend, greeting him with a weak smile despite the fact that he was trying his hardest to look strong in front of him.
‘I heard what happened,’ Craig gently told him as he moved around the table so that his friend didn’t need to crane his neck to look at him as he spoke.
‘Are…are you okay?’ he asked warily since the answer to this was obvious. He hadn’t seen his friend look so down for years, since probably the time that he initially came out and Craig wasn’t there for him.
‘I will be,’ was the reply from a sullen looking John Paul.
Craig looked over to Hannah, who had now sat herself back down beside their friend, and shared a glance which showed that they both agreed that this wasn’t true.
‘So what happened?’ he asked, hoping that asking him to recall his heartache wouldn’t push John Paul over the edge.
‘Erm, he thought I was cheating on him…’ he hesitantly answered.
‘W…what? Who with?’ Craig couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Craig watched as John Paul and Hannah exchanged glances as if they were discussing whether or not such information should be shared with him. He felt uncomfortable at this; why shouldn’t he know?
Almost unexpectantly, Hannah stood up from her chair and lifted her coat and bag, which hung from the back of it.
‘I’m going to go,’ she announced before turning her attention to the heartbroken friend who still remained seated.
‘Give me a call later, yeah? Maybe we could do something if you’re feeling up to it?’ she said before planting a kiss on her friend’s head.
John Paul silently nodded before she turned her attention to the new arrival.
‘See later Craig,’ she said as she approached him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
‘I think you know why I’m leaving,’ she whispered quietly into his ear. Not in a cruel way but in a way to warn him of the delicate nature of what was to proceed.
Giving her a small nod of understanding, Craig said his farewell to his small friend and watched as she left the kitchen. He then turned his attention down to the quiet boy who sat in front of him. What was he going to say if, as Hannah had implied, somehow all this mess had something to do with him?
His worries were cut short as he watched his friend rise to his feet.
‘Do you want a coffee or something?’ John Paul asked as he approached the kettle, trying to act as the gracious host in Craig’s company.
‘No, no,’ he quickly refused, ‘Don’t bother with me, I’m fine. It’s you that’s the worry here.’
He grew concerned as his friend didn’t respond to this, instead focussing his attention on standing at the sink and staring out of the window.
‘Not long until the wedding,’ he finally spoke out, still standing with his back to Craig, ‘You must be getting excited.’
‘John Paul,’ he replied, ignoring his friend’s attempt to change the subject, ‘why didn’t you tell me sooner?’
John Paul stared still out into the view of the outside world that his flat granted him.
‘John Paul,’ he urged him.
Granting Craig his wish to answer his question, John Paul slowly turned around with a pained expression on his face.
‘Because he thought that you were the one I was cheating on with,’ he admitted as he looked to the floor in shame.
‘Right.’
It was all Craig could say, he had sort of expected himself to be tangled up in this somewhere, but there were still so many questions left unanswered.
To anybody else this would be an easy conclusion to jump to, but he was certain Stephen didn’t know of their past; John Paul had said so, so how was he able to make this accusation?
‘But…’ he faltered, ‘We haven’t been, you know…’
‘Exactly,’ John Paul mournfully replied as he lifted his head and looked Craig in the eye now.
‘So why does he think that?’
As he waited for his answer, he watched John Paul shake his head before tilting it back and taking a deep breath.
‘Tell me you didn’t put it my pocket, even for a joke,’ he implored with a strain to his voice.
‘Put what in your pocket?’ a puzzled Craig asked, what the hell was he talking about?
‘The condom! Tell me you didn’t put it in my pocket for some weird joke!’ he begged further.
Craig could see the pain in his friend’s face as he asked this and he wished he could wipe it away and ease his mind, but he had no idea what he was referring to.
‘Sorry but you’ve lost me,’ he admitted.
Unsatisfied that he still didn’t have an accountable answer for all of this confusion, John Paul groaned before explaining exactly what had happened to cause Stephen to wrongfully accuse him of betraying his trust.
Craig was speechless. How could something so small escalate into something so drastic? But quickly he realised why; it was all down to the lies which surrounded them, building the smaller misunderstandings into a greater treachery.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ he finally managed to confess.
‘Neither do I,’ John Paul shrugged as tears filled his eyes again.
Craig took one look at the tortured soul in front of him and felt compelled to put his arms around him to comfort him. He strode towards the broken figure of John Paul and guided his head to rest on his shoulder.
‘God John Paul, please don’t blame yourself for this,’ he begged him; ‘You deserve someone that trusts you and that realises what they have when they’ve got you.’
He could feel John Paul sob into his shoulder now, gasps escaping between his mouth and Craig’s jacket.
‘And if Stephen can’t, then he doesn’t deserve you,’ he said as he rubbed his back to calm him down.
‘I don’t want to be alone,’ John Paul sobbed as they still stood in their embrace, ‘I miss him.’
‘I know,’ Craig soothed as he swayed slightly as held John Paul in his arms, ‘I know.’
And with that Craig planted a kiss, much like the one Hannah had, on top of his friend’s head.
‘Everything will work out,’ he told him, ‘I promise.’
***********
Author of 'The Last Journey' and it's sequel 'Travelling Back'. And the now in production, 'Don't Look Back', a JP fic!
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I'm Curty's unique Angel 
