I told him to get out... and he went.

He went, but even as I slammed the door closed behind him I knew that he would be back. I knew that he'd be back... and I knew that I would let him. Just as surely as I knew the colour of his eyes or the smell of his skin. I knew that in the end I wouldn't be able to refuse. And worse than that... I knew that he knew it!

At that moment I hated him more completely than I'd ever hated anyone else before in my life. I hated him in a way you could only really hate someone that you loved.

I hated him for what he made me do, for what he had made me become. I was a liar and a cheat, betraying my boyfriend and my friend and for what? A few stolen moments of pleasure and the chance to be someone's dirty secret.

The relief was instant as he went. If he had refused to leave, if he had touched me one more time, if he had smiled at me again that way or held me in his arms I would have been lost. I would have given in to his needs and taken him to my bed without question. I would have kissed him and loved him and forgotten about the guilt and the betrayals until tomorrow.

I would have done all those things, but he went and I was spared.

Maybe he didn't realise he was so close to breaking down my resolve or maybe, just for once, he was letting me hold on to the last shreds of my self respect.

As my fists connected with the supple leather of the punch bag I let my anger flow through me, but I felt no release, the rage inside me was all consuming and a simple act of violence was not enough to quench it.

Collapsing back onto my bed, sweat soaking my skin, I noticed my hands worn red raw with the repeated exertion, but I felt no pain. The pain inside ran so deep that I could not feel anything else.

If only there was some way I could remember how not to love him, but I can hardly even recall such a time, loving him seemed to be the only thing I’ve done for so long.

As I lay on the bed with my eyes closed I could see his face smiling down at me. The soft curve of his full mouth taunting me with promises of how good they would taste. His gorgeous molten eyes glistening with a desire that I knew was just for me.

I knew that wherever I was or whoever I was with it would be him that I wanted. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

“Please Craig,” I breathed into the stillness of the room, “Just leave me alone.”



Might just have to do the same sequence from Craig's pov now !

wow!

your writing is amazing!

omg! that was just amazing one of the best pieces of writings ever posted on here! xox

phwoar!!!!

very very very good

prbs the most well written piece i've read on here

I feel so sorry for him! Craig's really not being fair at all. Grrrrrr.

But yeah, amazingly written

Thanks guys... I always appreciate your kind words !

yeah soo deep
i am as deep as um a not deep thing
yeah i have a real way with words

quote:

Originally posted by missing_lipgloss:
yeah soo deep
i am as deep as um a not deep thing
yeah i have a real way with words

Yes - a most powerful way with words there !!!!

PART TWO

The first time he told me to go I didn’t believe him. I knew that he wanted me so why would he ask me to leave?

The second time he said it I could see he was serious. The anger that flashed in his eyes, the eyes that were usually so gentle, scared me.

It wasn’t until I was walking back home that I realised I wasn’t afraid for myself, or for what he might have done to me. I was afraid for him and for what I had done to him.

It was then that I knew this wasn’t a game anymore. I couldn’t just play with his emotions and not expect any consequences. He’d pretty much told me that when he threatened to kiss me in public. At first I thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes, the pain in his eyes told me another story.

It was all or nothing and it was up to me to choose.

I fished my phone from my pocket as it beeped the arrival of a text message.

“Where are you you’re late.”

It was from Sarah and I wasn’t ready for her yet.

My feet lead me to a small pub far away from any of our usual haunts where I sat quietly in the corner for some time nursing a bottle of lager while a million thoughts cascaded around my head.

Firstly there was Sarah. Beautiful, intelligent, kind… everything I ever wanted and what’s more she loved me. Staying with her would be so easy, there would be no backlash, no need to fight or explain my feelings, she’s what is expected.

And then there’s John Paul. My friend. My best friend. The man I can’t seem to stop sleeping with… or stop wanting.

He’s the first thing I think of when I opened my eyes in the morning and his is the face I that I see when I close them at night.

Why did life have to get so complicated? Why did he ever have to say he loved me?

Friends was simple, we could be together without question.

Lovers made it complicated. I made it complicated.

The lager had grown warm in my grip and no matter how long I sat here nothing was going to change.

It was time I made a decision and I knew that whatever I decided someone would get hurt, that was unavoidable.

So all I could do was be true to myself and hope that they would understand.

This is faaantastic!! You're great at writing!

bravo!!!

You really got inside Craig's mind there and showed his emotions. I love this story and I'm looking forward to reading more.

MORE EXCELLENT WRITIN DAWN CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE

Cheers guys - glad you're enjoying it... more soon !

PART THREE

John Paul didn't bother to raise his head at the sound of his bedroom door opening, somehow he knew who was standing there without having to look up.

"I thought I told you to go."

"You did... I came back..."

"I guess I should have told them not to let you in."

Craig moved further into the room closing the door behind him.

"John Paul," he said with a pleading tone, "At least look at me."

John Paul lifted his eyes to Craig in a motion that made him look as if he were hauling a great weight.

Craig took an involuntary step back at the blank expression in his friend’s eyes. It was as if all the life and passion had been drained from him.

"What is it you want this time Craig?" John Paul's tone was as empty as his eyes, "Haven't we both said all we need to."

"I've been thinking... about us... about everything..."

"Good for you," John Paul's voice dripped with sarcasm, "Now if that was all..."

"I know what it is I want... what I have to do..."

John Paul moved from the bed in one fluid motion, his face suddenly inches from Craig's.

"It's always about what YOU want isn't it Craig... what about what I want, when is what I want going to count?" The emptiness in John Paul's eyes was replaced with a flash of anger and Craig backed away from the intensity of the gaze he found himself under.

"I'm sorry... I know I've been... an idiot."

"Yeah," John Paul let out a snort of derision, "That's one way to put it."

"It's just that... Sarah... She's all I'd wanted for so long... and I care about her... so much..."

"I get it," John Paul said turning away, "Sarah's the love of your life and you plan to live happily ever after. Fine. Great... I hope it works out... but just leave me out of it... I can't be in the middle of this any more. Please Craig, just keep away from me."

Craig rested his hand on John Paul's shoulder feeling the flesh beneath his grip shake.

"That's not what I was saying," Craig continued, "I care about Sarah, I do...” Holding his shoulders firmly Craig turned John Paul around to face him, "But not as much as I care for you."

Craig looked into the confused blue pools of John Paul's eyes; his breath was shaking as he pressed the palm of his hand against John Paul's cheek.

"John Paul... I love you." Craig was as surprised as John Paul at his sudden declaration, but as soon as the words left his lips he knew that they were true.

Brill update dawn continue soon xx

Dont worry I plan too !!!!

Thanks for the comment !

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!

Congrats McDean Queen!

Ha ha I never tire of that name !!!

Thanks
x

cant wait for the next bit xox

PART FOUR

John Paul stood motionless for a second, the warmth from Craig’s hand radiating against his skin, the beautiful words ringing in his ears. The words he’d wanted to hear for so long… wanted to believe but…

“I’ve heard you say the same thing to Sarah a hundred times,” he whispered moving back from the touch that was making his senses spin, “Why should I believe this is any different?”

Craig sighed; he couldn’t fault John Paul’s logic. It was true he had used those words to Sarah as a device to smooth over any arguments they had. He’d said it when he held her in his arms after making love to her. He’d said it at times just to break an uncomfortable silence. Today was the first time he said it and really meant it, but how was he supposed to convince John Paul of that fact?

“It IS different,” Craig insisted taking John Paul’s hands in his, “But I don’t know how I can prove it to you. What do you want me to do? Just name it… anything.”

John Paul looked into the profound brown paradise of Craig’s eyes, he wanted to believe his words and he almost could, but there was still one factor that was nagging at the back of his mind.

“Sarah?”

“I know,” Craig lowered his eyes for a second they both knew that his relationship with Sarah was the one real obstacle between them now.

“I’ll tell her,” he continued, “Honestly I will.”

“When?”

“Soon… today… I’m as tired of the lies as you are… nothing is gonna come between us anymore. I promise.”

As he spoke Craig pulled John Paul towards him. Letting go of John Paul’s hands Craig slid his palms over the gently muscled curves of his arms until they came to rest of John Paul’s shoulders.

“I love you,” Craig breathed, his voice more confident this time, his words more certain, “I’m just sorry it took me so long to realise.”

Craig’s hands slipped behind John Paul’s neck as he pulled the man closer towards him, their mouths meeting in a soft kiss filled with love and promises.

“Don’t let me down this time Craig,” John Paul said as their lips parted for a moment.

“Never again,” Craig promised as moved back to taste the passion of John Paul’s lips again.

As their kiss deepened John Paul’s hands moved down to Craig’s belt, fumbling to release it’s clasp. Without warning Craig stepped back covering John Paul’s hands with his own, preventing them completing their mission.

John Paul’s brow furrowed in confusion as Craig held his hands tightly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Craig assured him with a smile, “It’s just…” Craig paused to consider his words. “I need you to know… what we’ve got… what we are… it’s more than just physical.”

John Paul’s eyes sparkled with happiness. “I know that,” he said, “I’ve always known that.”

With a soft laugh Craig pulled John Paul into a strong embrace, nothing ever felt so right as having John Paul in his arms.

After a moment John Paul pulled back, his hands coming to rest on Craig’s hips, as he took a moment to drink in the beauty of the face before him.

He’d loved Craig for so long so he had always thought the man something special, but today he looked nothing short of beautiful.

“Craig… I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Both men turned their heads sharply towards the door at the sudden sound of Sarah’s voice.

John Paul felt his face flush with guilt while Craig just stared open mouthed at his girlfriend.

“What’s wrong,” she asked as she stepped into the room, “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Sarah paused as she began to take in the scene before her.

Why where they standing so close? Why did John Paul have his hands resting on Craig’s hips like that? And why was Craig looking at her like he’d just been caught doing something he shouldn’t?

Sarah’s eyes rested on the hands against Craig’s hips for a second and, noticing her gaze, John Paul quickly removed them, letting his arms fall limply to his sides. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life.

“What’s going on?” Sarah asked not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Craig swallowed heavily, he knew this was the moment of truth and every inch of him screamed to tell her anything, just keep her happy, don’t let the secret out.

But he’d made a promise and he wasn’t about to let John Paul down again so soon.

“I’m sorry Sarah,” he said slowly as he reached for John Paul’s hands and held them in his trembling grip, “I was going to tell you.”

Sarah’s eyes darted between the two men, from her boyfriend to her friend and back again, not wanting to believe the evidence before her.

“No,” she whimpered stepping backwards.

“I’m sorry,” Craig continued, “We never meant this to happen… we just…”

“I don’t want to know,” Sarah snapped before turning her anger to John Paul. “I asked you… downstairs only a few days ago… I ASKED YOU if there was someone else and you told me I was imagining things… how could you?”

“I’m sorry,” John Paul said echoing Craig.

“This is all your fault,” Sarah continued glaring at John Paul, “Aren’t there enough gay men out there for you… did you have to go after HIM?”

“Sarah…” Craig let go of John Paul’s hands to reach out to the distraught girl.

“Get away from me,” she shouted as the tears began to tumble down her cheeks, “You disgust me… both of you.”

Sarah turned from the men who had betrayed her and ran as fast as her shaky legs could manage down the stairs.

“Go after her,” John Paul said.

“What?” Craig was surprised at the suggestion.

“Go after her, you can’t just leave it like that, she deserves better. I’ll still be here when you get back. Besides there’s someone I need to tell as well.”

Craig took a moment to hug John Paul again, drawing strength from the love he felt in the warm embrace, before following Sarah’s path out of the McQueen house.

Once Craig had gone John Paul to picked up his phone and scrolled through the phonebook there until it rested on the name he was looking for “Spike”. After taking a deep breath John Paul pressed “call”.