Okay, let's try a new story and a new tack.

A few little things:
1. I started writing this just after JP and Craig slept togeher for the first time and wanted to get somewhere before I started posting so I can be ahead of the game when I am posting. Please ignore some inconsistencies with what has happened in Hollyoaks since then.
2. I have never been to Manchester so any names of pubs and etc are made up. I apologize to any people from Manchester for runing their city's social life!
3. Before you shout at me for killing off Spike, I actually think JP and Spike are better together now than he would be with Craig. However in future and a different place I think they would work better. And if you read between the lines they were planning a civil ceremony as well.

This is set 3 years after Craig goes off to university with Sarah leaving John Paul behind. It seems as if his decision was made then but then again things change. Here is a brief overview of what has happened in the three years:

Sarah left Craig about a year ago as she felt he was stifling her dream to become a model. He had forced her to come to Dublin and she decided it made more sense for her to move to London where she would have more opportunities. That was when Craig realised that he had made a mistake in choosing Sarah over John Paul but due to being in a different country and being too ashamed to admit it to anyone, he simply ignored it. Instead he searched for various conquests in the bars of Dublin both male and female. He has now finished university and decided to take a job in Manchester because he knew John Paul was there and also because it was the best offer he got from his job searching. He is living in a colleagues spare room.

Meanwhile John Paul moved up to Manchester for university and he and Spike got a flat for themselves. While John Paul studied, Spike continued working as a DJ and also did some part time work as well. John Paul later got a job which he started doing part time at university and now is doing full time. Everything seemed great until about a month ago. After a fight about Spike getting attention after a DJing gig, John Paul stormed out angry before Spike left. The next thing he knew, was that the hospital was calling to say Spike had been stabbed. He rushed to the hospital but before he could get there, Spike had died. The guilt of what happened has really effected John Paul and due to only one income coming in, he has started to DJ a little more with gigs and also various competitions so that he can afford to keep the flat.

Neither of them have had the courage to speak to the other in the past three years. John Paul still thinks that Craig is straight and has made his choice about him. Craig is just too nervous to try and call John Paul and explain what has happened. However due to family connections, both are aware of some of what has happened. They are both aware that the other is living in Manchester. John Paul knows that Sarah has left Craig and he still keeps in contact with her. The story opens as Craig finds out that Spike has died - admittedly by accident through a conversation with Jake….

How does something like that happen to someone he cared about? Fair enough, he had never liked Spike that much but he knew how much John Paul had loved him and how much he would hurting now.

At the same time, he was happy because that meant that John Paul was now available to him again. However that made him feel even more guilty and confused about his own feelings. He should not be happy that his best friends boyfriend was dead and yet he had wanted John Paul for so long. Now he could finally have him… assuming John Paul would want him back. Hang on - of course he would want him back. He had loved Craig for even longer and had even claimed to love him more than Spike.

How could he tell John Paul all this though? Jake had given him his phone number so he could call and give his condolences, but would John Paul respond to his call? Would he appreciate what Craig had to say? Did he want Craig’s condolences? Aside from that, how do you call an ex-lover that you haven’t spoken to in years? How do you say you are sorry your partner has died but I still want to be with you?

After a moment, Craig decided to bite the bullet. At least he had a reason for calling now rather than simply calling after Sarah left him and hoping John Paul might be interested again. At least, he could use Spike’s death as an excuse. He picked up the phone and dialled. “Hi, this is John Paul. I am obviously busy so leave a message…”

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John Paul had just finished a shift at work and was lazily walking back to his flat when his phone beeped at him. He picked up the phone and noticed he had a voice mail message. That was strange, most people texted and also he wasn’t expecting anyone to call. The last time that he had that kind of message had been when Spike died, so with trepidation he dialled the voice mail number.

“You have one new message. Please click 1 to listen to your message.” He clicked the button and waited… After a hesitant pause: “Hi mate… it’s Craig.” What on earth was Craig doing calling him? Didn’t he remember the fight they had had when he left? Why did he always have to come back into his life whenever things were going badly? “Listen, sorry for calling and I understand if you don’t listen to this message or ever speak to me again…. But I just found out from Jake about Spike. I am so sorry for your loss and I know how much you loved him. … I am not sure whether you want to here this… but… I am sure that you will get over him in time. … Anyway… you can get my number from this and I would love … like anyway … to speak to you again, because I still l… I miss your friendship a lot. Sorry for calling once again.”

By this time, John Paul had reached his flat and decided to listen to the strange message from Craig again. Had he nearly said “I still love you”? Or was he reading far to much into this? Maybe Craig did mean that - after all he had used “love” rather than “like” initially and then changed what he said. Did he even want to see him again or had he got over him? Had time really healed all the wounds that they had caused each other?

He knew that he should leave Craig alone and not think about him again, but he couldn’t resist the temptation. Craig had been right all those years ago - if he came knocking, he would be there and wouldn’t be able to say no to the person he had always loved. Spike had managed to steal his heart and he had managed to help him forget Craig, but things were different now. Spike was gone and Craig was here and available for the first time in his life…

John Paul picked up the mobile: “CAN YOU MEET ME @ 8PM @ DELANEY’S? I ASSUME YOU KNOW IT?”

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John Paul sat at a table in Delaney’s nursing a pint. He had purposely arrived early and chosen a table that could be seen from the door. That way he could prepare for Craig’s arrival and also see when he came in. That would give him a few seconds to compose himself.

The door opened hesitantly and in walked Craig. The first thought that ran through John Paul’s head was how gorgeous he looked with his new smart style. He had changed so much since he had last seen him. Somehow more grown up and certainly a lot sexier.

Craig looked around the room and noticed John Paul sitting at a table in the back watching his every move. He noticed how deep in thought he looked and somewhat pensive. However that was to be expected with the situation at the moment. Considering all that, he looked stunning as always. As he started walking over to the table, John Paul got up and moved towards him. By some subconscious agreement, they met at the bar. Neither of them said anything but shot each other sneaky looks. It reminded them both of the looks they used to exchange when they were trying to keep their affair a secret.
“Glad you could make it…” John Paul started, just as Craig said “great to see you.” They both stopped and laughed at the stupidity of the situation. John Paul indicated the table he had just vacated with “I’ll get the table again.”
“I’ll be over in a sec. Just want a drink.”
After about 5 minutes, Craig came over and sat down. “I am so sorry for calling you, but I…” he trailed off.
“Don’t worry about it. I appreciate your condolences. I know you never liked Spike.”
They fell into silence again.

It was about half an hour later after an uncomfortable silence, that Craig finally whispered: “I’m sorry.”
“That’s all you can say?” John Paul countered angrily. “You break my heart into a thousand pieces. You choose the easy option over me. You don’t speak to me for years and then call when my boyfriend dies. And then you have the nerve to tell me, you have no ulterior motive for calling me!”
“There’s no ulterior motive, I promise!”
“Yeah right. Then why did you nearly say: “I still love you” in your message!” Craig simply looked down at the floor embarrassed. “Forget this. I won’t let you mess me about the way you did last time.”
John Paul knew he would have to leave before he started to show his emotions and feel the way he had done before. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist Craig again. He got up quickly and stormed out the pub.

Craig sat at the table for what seemed like an eternity but was actually only a few seconds and then got up and followed John Paul out the door. “John Paul, wait please. Let me explain…”
John Paul didn’t turn around, but stopped. “Craig…”
“Just give me 5 minutes. If you don’t like what you hear, just walk away.”
“3 minutes, Craig.”
“Do you know how confusing it was to fall in love with you? I was happy. I had a beautiful girlfriend and a best friend and then I had two lovers. Two people who meant the world to me. How was I supposed to choose?” A long pause, while he calmed down. “I chose Sarah because she was the easier option. I was meant to be straight, I was meant to be normal.”
“Is that really how you see me? As not normal.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what you said though.”
“Let me finish.” John Paul simply shrugged. “You had Spike and I had Sarah. It seemed best to leave when I did so that we could both be happy. It was only after Sarah left that I realised what you meant to me. I always called you when things happened rather than Sarah. And you were always there when I needed you.”
“Because I loved you more than anything!” John Paul retorted emotionally as he started to turn back to look at Craig. Tears were starting to build in both their eyes.
“I… know you did. And I ruined everything when I chose Sarah. But when she left, I couldn’t call you. You were planning a future with Spike…”
“How do you know that?”
“Nancy told Jake and he told me that you had got engaged to him.”
“Oh.”
“I knew that I would just ruin what you had if I came back and claimed that I loved you and wanted you back.”
“So you thought you would ruin my life now!”
“What’s to ruin now? Spike’s… um …. Gone. And I know you still care about me.”
“My fiancé is dead! And you are trying to mess with my head again. You are only here because you want a hot fling like last time!”
“How can I convince you that I love you? I have always loved you even when I kept denying it. Couldn’t you tell considering how many times I ….”
“used me. You wanted sex when Sarah wasn’t available and I was there.”
“I didn’t use you!”
“Yeah right.”
“Mate, listen. Every time I dreamt about being in bed with someone, it was you… Every time, I came home from uni, I hoped I would bump into you -accidentally of course - and you would realise my feelings for you… I love you more than I can ever explain.”
“Craig….” he paused to find the words he wanted. This made Craig’s heart beat just slightly faster. “Craig. You can’t just walk in and out of my life when you choose. You know that I have always loved you and I always will love you. I just can’t be your bit on the side, your toy like before.” He turned away slightly. “Ever since you walked into that bar looking so much older and so sexy, I have wanted to grab you and kiss you…But I can’t because you will just leave me for some easier option.”

Craig reached out and stroked John Paul’s cheek gently, forcing John Paul to look at him straight in the eye. “I want you, no-one else.” Craig leaned in and kissed John Paul softy before pulling away. The look on John Paul’s face told him that it might have been a mistake.
“I wish I knew how to quit loving you.”
“You don’t have to…”
Suddenly they both realised that they were standing on a street corner having the fight that had been brewing for years and that they had said everything that needed to said. There was nothing left to argue about anymore. Somehow they knew that they forgave each other without having to say the words.
Craig held out his hand. “Friends.”
“Friends. You want to come back to the flat…” He noticed the look on Craig’s face. “Just to catch up, not for what you are thinking. It’s too soon…”

Bril continue soon xxx

hey this is really good please continue! im in love with all these mcdean fics, please continue x

“Thanks for letting me crash here again, mate. You must be sick of me calling when Danny brings home the drunken hordes.” In fact it had been about 10 times in the last 3 weeks. Hardly what they had intended. Was he leading John Paul on or was it just coincidence that he called him every time?
“No problem, I could use the company…” he sighed.
Craig looked at him slightly concerned. John Paul always seemed to look so tired and never had the energy to do anything. Was it just because of work and the extra shifts he was taking on or was it still to do with Spike?
“Mate, are you okay?
“Yeah…” he replied, not very convincingly.
“I know you far too well to buy that. Come on, you used to tell me anything.”
“Not always…” Long pause. “It’s just… I hate to have to move backwards instead of forwards.”
“What??? Since when are you moving backwards?”
“I have to go back to Mum’s.”
“Why?”
Suddenly it all started spilling out: “I can’t afford the rent on this place by myself for much longer and I can’t afford to keep doing these long hours. I thought it would take my mind off Spike and what happened but it is just killing me! You are the only thing keeping me sane, Craig.” The tears in his eyes started to spill over. “I just don’t know what to do.”
Craig moved over to where his friend was sitting and put his arms around him. “We’ll think of something…”
John Paul had stiffened slightly as Craig held him close, but as the emotions soon took hold and he held on to the person he had loved in one way or another forever, taking strength from him. He realised that Craig was right, nothing was ever as desperate as it seemed. Through his despair he also realised that he was always there when he needed him at least this time around. Was there something in his claim that he still loved John Paul and had always loved John Paul?

They sat in each other arms for what seemed like forever until John Paul moved slightly. Craig took the hint and let go.
“I have an idea…” he said just as John Paul said “You know what…”
“We keep doing that,” Craig commented.
“True, why don’t you go first this time?”
“Alright… Now, hear me out fully before you say anything… You know how much I hate living with Danny. I only did it because I needed a bed in the city and didn’t have time to look properly.”
“Yeah…”
“Stop interrupting. You can’t afford this place on your own but you love living here and don’t want to go home. Right?”
“Right…”
“Simple solution. I move in with you. We know we work together reasonably well as friends. You get to keep the flat and job you love without working all hours. And I get a nicer place to live.”
“Umm…” He paused trying to work out what Craig was suggesting. It made sense to do and logically it was the only thing to do unless he did want to go home. But was it just his friendship that Craig wanted? Was that all he could offer him? Would moving in effect their relationship in the way that Craig had implied he wanted? Was that the reason for offering to move in? What did John Paul want? Did he want Craig back?

Craig waited patiently. He knew not to push John Paul too far. They had so many problems before because they had pushed each others buttons and tried to achieve something that he hadn’t been ready for. He had played with John Paul like a toy and he didn’t want to force him into the same situation. However, the suggestion had been genuine and logical. Or had it been? He knew how much John Paul had loved him and probably still loved him. Maybe there was an ulterior motive…

He was brought out of his thoughts by John Paul: “I think… I think we should give it a shot. I don’t want to have lose this place or work all day to afford it. However only on a trial period of say a month?”
“Sounds good.” He hesitated. “When can I move in?”
“How soon can you get your stuff?”
They both burst out laughing. They both knew what the other was thinking but didn’t want to say anything in case they jinxed it.

ohhh i like! brilliant cant wait for more! :d

Ohhh bril continue soon xxx

John Paul walked back slowly from work. It had been a rather busy day but not as bad as some of the ones when he had to do all those extra hours. Craig had been right when he had said that living together was the best option. There was more money coming in now than when he had lived with Spike so that meant more freedom to do what he wanted. In fact, he was happier than he had been in months. That made him feel slightly guilty though - Spike had only died 3 months back. He should not be so happy. On the other hand, being happy was so much better than moping around the house feeling sorry for himself!

He reached the door and tried the lock - Craig should be home as he worked slightly closer to the flat. As expected the door was unlocked. He walked in to the sound of the shower running. Suddenly a wave of nostalgia ran through him as he remembered a time when he had surprised Spike in the shower. Maybe it wasn’t just nostalgia though as Spike’s face merged into Craig’s in his mind. Did he dare risk it?

He moved across the room silently while removing his shoes and then his shirt. He slowly pushed the door to the bathroom open trying to avoid making too much sound. Craig was indeed in the shower with his back to him, humming gently as he soaped himself. John Paul decided he would risk it and quietly undid his trousers sliding them slowly down to the floor. He crossed the short distance to the shower and opened the door…

Craig had been enjoying himself in the shower and the quietness before John Paul got home. Suddenly he heard a click as the bathroom door opened. Knowing that it must be John Paul and not wanting to spoil the surprise, he continued on with his washing. A few moments later the shower door creaked. He turned around to see a naked John Paul - after a closer inspection, he changed that to an aroused, naked John Paul.

Craig smiled in anticipation as John Paul stepped into the shower, showing that he was excited at the prospect of being interrupted. What he wasn’t expecting was the force of the interruption as John Paul pinned him to the wall and began to kiss him with such urgency. However there wasn’t’ much hesitation as he kissed back with the pent up passion that had building over the past month that they had been living together. Finally he had what he wanted…

“Wow…” It was nearly 4 hours later and they were lying entwined on John Paul’s bed. It had been a marathon for both of them, moving from the shower to the sofa to the bed, but it had been worth every second they had had to wait for each other.
“I guess that answers that.”
“Answers what?”
“Whether you still love me.”
“I always loved you. I just didn’t want to be messed about again.” John Paul leaned over and gave Craig a tender kiss to reaffirm his feelings. Craig thought about pushing things further but he was too worn out to.
“I guess this means…”
“It does.”

Absoloutely bril continue soon xxx

great chapter

more soon please

wow i like this fic!!!!

brilliant story so far, update soon, im hooked already

Oh I love it so far, I can't wait for more!

good luck to them

sorry, wrong thread.... why the hell did it do that?

bump.

bril continue...

bump

continue soon