Kris woke up with a start, he looked over at his alarm clock and cursed himself as he quickly jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom to take the quickest shower imaginable, he was running very late and he was panicking. Having showered, shaved, teeth brushed, a splash of aftershave that she bought him for his last birthday, a touch of eyeliner and hair styled just the way she liked it, Kris ran back into this bedroom and got dressed, he had been looking forward to this day for what felt like forever and he wanted to look just right.
Once ready, he walked into the living room and looked around him, it was in such a mess that he just knew that he couldn't leave it in the state it was in and knowing he couldnt rely on Zak to do something about it, he quickly raced around the room, cursing himself and his roommates once again, picking up dirty clothes, magazines and used cups and plates to avoid the risk of her coming back home and seeing it.
He looked over at the clock on the wall to see how he was doing for time and realised that if he didnt hurrry up and get a wriggle on, then he would miss the train coming in and that just simply could not happen.
Just as he was putting the last few newly cleaned dishes away, Kris turned around to see Zak as he came out of his bedroom, looking sorry for himself, he looked just how Kris felt when he woke up himself this morning, however since having his shower and preparing himself for seeing the love of his life again in a a few short hours, Kris felt back to his normal self, infact better than his normal self, he felt on top of the world and he knew that nothing was going to ruin his day - apart from the obvious oversleeping and having to do his Kim and Aggie impressions in lightening speed of course. More could be said for Zak though as he joined Kris in the kitchen, ushering him out of the way as he began rummaging through the cupboards. mumbling to himself. Taking pity on his good friend, Kris guided Zak in the direction of a bar stool and found their supply of paracetemol and passed them to Zak along with a glass of water. Zak looking at Kris wearily, tried his hardest to find the energy to ask Kris why he was so cheerful and looking so fresh after such a heavy night and huge alcohol intake, but it was proving rather difficult as just watching him move abround the flat in a mad dash was enough to make Zak feel as though he would be sick there and then, so decided it would be best to keep his mouth shut.
Sensing that he was being watched, as he put his shoes on, Kris looked at Zak and saw the confusion on his face
"Don't tell me you have forgotten already?" he laughed, getting up to put his jacket on, he looked once again at Zak and chuckled to himself as he could practically hear Zak's brain ticking away, "today's the day my friend, the day I've been waiting for has finally arrived, and now, no thanks to you and your "oh so brilliant" ideas of a lad's night out last night, I almost missed it and am seriously running late and again no thanks to you for not tidying up yesterday like you promised I have to run like a mad man, so I don't miss her train coming in."
Suddnely it all seemed to fall into place for Zak as it all came flooding back to him, "Sorry mate, but you'se didnt need much persuading last night from what I remember, well up for it you were, and look I'm sorry about the tidying up thing, I'll make it up to you'se I promise....just as soon as i've got rid of this head.." Kris could only laugh as Zak did have a point, he had been more than up for it the night before, but he hadn't planned on consuming quite as much alcohol as he did and that resulted in him forgetting to set his alarm before he went to bed, which to be honest, he couldnt actually remember doing.
Picking up his keys and phone, he went to walk out the door, "OK well I'd best be off before I'm later than I already am, just make sure you make sure this place is spotless when we get back and by the way...a shower wouldn't go amiss either haha, see ya later."
As he watched Kris leave, Zak couldn't help but smile to himself, he knew just how much Kris had been looking forward to this day and if he was completely honest with himself, he too was looking forward to seeing her again, it made him realise that the old saying of "you didnt realise what you had until its gone" was so true.
********************************************
Running into the station, Kris looked around trying to find the nearest arrivals board and made his way over to it, feeling slightly anxious. Having found the right train and its platform number, Kris once again began to panic, once he realised that the train had arrived early and as he was already fifteen minutes late to meet the train at the original scheduled time, this meant that she could be anywhere and he didnt have a clue where to start looking.
He took his mobile phone out of his pocket and scrolled down until he got to the name he was looking for and pressed the green button, praying silently to himself that there was an answer, but there wasnt and so he left a message explaining what had happened and where he was in hope that he hadn't completely missed her.
After walking around for about twenty minutes he was beginning to get frustrated and having made several more attempts to make contact by phone and text message, he was still none the wiser as to where to find her and so decided to call Zak and ask if she had made her way home already but there was no sign of her there either.
Getting worried, Kris decided to find a member of staff to see if they could help in anyway, that was there job right? To be of any assistance, well assistance was most definately required right now, as far as he was concerned there was someone missing. Having found a man who was stood behind the help desk he enquired about the train that he was supposed to have met and after a short phonecall to a colleague, the man, who informed Kris that his name was Ben, assured Kris that it had arrived safely some forty-five minutes earlier and like he already knew it had arrived fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. Having answered many of what Kris could only describe as pathetic, useless questions, which included was it possible that the person missed the train and did he have the right station and date? Which only angered Kris more, it took all the energy he could find to keep himself from losing his temper and causing a scene, he sarcasitically thanked Ben for all of his "help" and time and walked away feeling deflated, frustrated and extremely concerned.
He checked his phone once again for any messages, but still there were none and so he decided to have one last walk around and took out a photograph from his wallet to show and ask people he passed whether they had seen her and explain that he was late to meet her, on the off-chance that someone, anyone could help him, because by this time he was getting desperate and was willing to try anything.
About to admit defeat, Kris started to quickly make his way out of the station and head towards home, where he would decide what to do next from there, when out the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar face that grabbed his attention standing by a snack kiosk with two polystyrene cups of tea and a carton of juice, which made him stop dead in his tracks, breathing a huge sigh of relief as they made eye contact with eachother, he made his way over.
**************************************************
"Oh so you decided to show up then and what time do you call this may I ask?" Zoe laughed, tapping her watch. "I thought I was gonna have to send out a search party, I tried calling Zak but he said you hadn't been back there yet and that you were probably still around here somewhere so thought it would be best to hang around here for a bit longer and try and find you. Honestly Zak just gets weirder and weirder, it sounded as though he didnt even have a clue who he was speaking too let alone realise that I'd been away for a couple of weeks."
Kris wrapped his arms around Zoe and pulled her in for a cuddle, placing a soft kiss on her cheek, just as Zoe moved her cup towards her lips to take a sip of her tea.
"Woah, take it easy yeah Kris, you nearly wore these then." Zoe laughed, trying her best not to spill the two hot drinks she had in either hand. "I wasnt sure whether I should get you one or not, didnt know if you would have made it back from your little adventure around the station before it went cold, so I didn't bother ha ha!"
Kris took a step back, "No I'm ok thanks and it's not funny Zo' I was getting really worried, I thought I was gonna have to make a missing person's ad or something, you could have called me or at least answered my calls and texts y'know" he said poking his tongue out at her.
Zoe rolled her eyes, sighing "I know I'm sorry, my battery went flat and I did try calling you from a payphone but it just kept saying it was off, maybe you had no reception or something? Anyway, don't start on me Mr, it's been a very long trip, if anyone should be doing the moaning around here its us, I mean its not you who didn't have anyone there to meet them as they got off the train and welcome them home now is it?"
Now it was Kris's turn to roll his eyes and then suddenly something in his head clicked, "us" of course he had been so relieved in seeing Zoe and knowing that he hadnt missed them that he hadnt taken much notice of who was or in this case wasnt around him. Zoe laughed once again as she saw the expression on Kris's face turn from amusement to confusion as he looked around him.
He looked down at the floor and counted the bags in his head, looking up at her panic began to set in. "Zoe, where is she?"
"Relax Kris," Zoe sighed. "She and Darren have just gone to find a toilet, stop panicking, I know its been a long time for you and I know how much you have missed her but surely five more minutes won't hurt?! Now come on, make yourself useful and carry some of these bags."
Doing as he was told for once, Kris picked up as many bags as he could manage. "Oh my god, what is it with girls? Why do you need so much stuff? Whatever happened to travelling light eh?" Having no hands free Zoe gave Kris a playful kick,
"Oh stop your whining for a minute will you and look who's over there?" She said nodding to their right...
********************************************
Looking over in the direction that Zoe was nodding at, Kris scanned the crowd of people that were beginning to form around the arrivals board and caught sight of Darren. Dropping the bags he was holding, Kris began to walk quickly towards him and stopped as he saw the girl standing next to him. The same girl who he had been so desperate to see for two whole weeks,
Without a doubt the longest two weeks of his whole life and he just stood there for a moment and took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for whatever reaction he was going to receive and also to simply admire her without her knowing and familiarise himself with her beauty. He simply could not get over just how much he had missed her and could feel his emotions getting the better of him.
Still watching the two people infront of him, Kris used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe the few tears that had escaped from his eyes. The main focus of Kris's attention was still unaware that she was being watched. That is until Darren gained her attention and pointed over in Kris's direction.
Watching as her whole face broke out into a huge grin which was quickly followed by squeals of delight, both her and Kris ran towards eachother and met up in the middle where Kris grabbed her, lifting her up and swinging her around, completely oblivious to everyone around them as he smothered her in kisses all over her face and neck, making her giggle uncontrollably.
"I've missed you so much princess." He said in between kisses, "I am NEVER letting you go away from me ever again and I mean that, I can't bear to be parted from you again! I love you so much Rebecca" he told her as once again his emotions got the better of him as he held the girl as tightly as he humanly possible, quietly weeping into her hair as his heart swelled with nothing but love.
The girl, between her fits of laughter looked at him. "Oh daddy you are funny, I only went on holiday silly."
********************************************
Arriving back at the flat, Rebecca was still firmly attatched to Kris's hip, which was more for Kris's benefit than Rebecca's, as he could not bare to let her go, much to her amusement that her daddy was being so silly. However, as soon as they made it through the front door, along with Zoe and Darren, Rebecca managed to wriggle herself free out of Kris's clutches as excitement took over her whole being at seeing Zak, who was standing there holding a handmade banner saying "Welcome home Little Miss Becky Boo" which was his special nickname for her and had been since she was born.
Letting Rebecca go reluctantly, he watched with pride as she ran squealing with delight, into Zak's open arms.
"Uncle Zakky, Uncle Zakky, did you miss me so much?" she asked him excitedly, not waiting for an answer before she continued. "Guess what Uncle Zakky, I've been on holiday and you haven't, because I've been a good girl and you had to stay here and go to work and look after my daddy and -" she was cut off by Zak, who had began tickling her, making her laugh uncontrollably.
"Yes I know, you lucky girl, so did youse av a good time then?" he asked, aiming the question towards Zoe and Darren aswell as Rebecca, who nodded her head, unable to speak due to laughing.
Zak then put Rebecca down on the floor, whispering something into her ear and Kris smiled as he saw a big grin spread across his daughter's face as she started bouncing up and down before Zak took hold of her hand and led her into the kitchen.
When Zak and Rebecca returned back from the kitchen, Kris, Zoe and Darren all laughed when they saw what Rebecca was holding firmly in her hand.
"Look Daddy, look what Uncle Zakky brought especially for me, he brought my favourite Jammy Dodger biscuits aren't I so lucky Daddy?" She said excitedly, as she went over to sit on the sofa with Kris joining her.
Two hours later they were still sat on the sofa, only now Rebecca was fast asleep on Kris's lap with her head on his chest as he sat there gently stroking her hair and lovingly kissing her forehead every so often, enjoying the moment and taking in every single detail of her whole being, reminding himself that she was growing up fast, in more ways than one. Not only was she growing up physically and getting taller by the day, but she was developing into her own little character before his very eyes. She was already becoming very stubborn, which he knew she had inherited from both of her parents and was quickly getting sarcasm down to a fine art which he knew had come from spending so much time with him, but she was also loving and very gentle and he knew that those traits were solely inherited from her Mother.
There was also the fact that she was looking more and more like her Mother every single day, with her long shiny brown hair, silvery-blue eyes and clear complexion.
Yes she was her mother's daughter alright and there was not a single day that went past that he wasnt instantly reminded of that fact, whenever he looked at Rebecca.
****************************************
As the weeks went by, they all seemed to settle back into their usual daily routines without any problems. Kris would get up in the mornings and take Rebecca to nursery, before heading off to work at the radio station, where he had been given a permenant position as agony uncle after he left HCC and then depending on both Kris's shifts at the dog and Zak's teaching schedule at Hollyoaks Primary School, where he was now head of their PE department, they would take it in turns in collecting Rebecca at the end of the day.
It was now late one Friday night and Kris had just returned home from a late shift at the Dog and he was now sitting on the sofa with Zoe, who had been looking after Rebecca for him, as Zak was out on a date.
"Thanks for tonight Zo' has Bex been good?" Kris asked her as he stretched his legs out on the coffee table infront of him.
"Yeah, she was as good as gold like always. We played dress-up and put on a little show for her teddies, honestly she is such a little character that one." Laughed Zoe, "there's definately no mistaking who's daughter she is," she teased him and as Kris could see what she was getting at he cut in, nodding his head,
"Yeah she's Jess' daughter alright" he threw back at her, sticking his tongue out, making Zoe laugh in amazement at how he had once again managed to completely turn yet another conversation around so that the blame fell onto someone else.
"You never fail to amaze me Kris," Zoe teased.
"Aww thanks Zo, I know I am pretty amazing arent I? You can't tell me that you've only just figured that one out, I mean - OW1" He was silenced, as Zoe threw a cushion at him
"You're so full of yourself Fish-" Zoe stopped herself from finishing the sentence, straight away regretting having started it in the first place, as she instnatly saw his face drop. "Kris I'm sorry, I wasnt thinking, I shouldnt have said that." There was an awkward silence as Kris sat there thinking about what Zoe had just said. Thinking about how that was what Jess always used to say to him and he tried his best to stop himself from crying.
After a few more minutes of neither of them speaking, Zoe decided that it would be best if she left Kris alone, seems as though she had already done enough damage and started putting her coat on.
"Look Kris maybe I should go, I'm really sorry I didnt mean to upset you, it just came out. I'll see you soon yeah?" As she started to make her way to the front door, Kris spoke.
"Zoe please don't go, I'm sorry, I know you didnt mean anything by it, it's just...." Kris once again went silent, not trusting himself to carry on without crying.
Looking back at him, Zoe could see the pain written all over his face. "Hey, you dont need to apologise to me hun, I know you miss her."
At hearing those words, Kris broke down in tears and Zoe went straight over to him and pulled him in for a cuddle. Trying to compose himself, Kris nodded in agreement and attempted to speak.
"I do Zoe, I really do...I miss her so much...I thought it would get easier....but it isn't...everyday it just gets harder and harder," and he broke down in tears again.
"Ssh its ok." Zoe reassured him soothingly, trying to stop herself from crying also. "I miss her too....we all do....but you will get through this Kris, we'll all get through this together. We have too for Rebecca's sake."
At the mention of his daugther, Kris sat up and looked at Zoe shaking his head. "I don't think I can Zo', I thought I was coping, but I'm not, y'know I look at her and my heart melts, she's growing up so fast and she looks so much like Jess, everything about her is an instant reminder of her and it breaks my heart, it really does and -"
"Kris listen to me you are coping brilliantly, you know you are. Rebecca is a lovely, happy little girl and that is all down to you." Zoe reminded him, to which he replied still shaking his head
"No. Not just down to me. There is NO way I could have got through any of this if it wasn't for you lot"
Zoe sighed "Kris you dont need to do this, like i've said, we will all get through this together, we are all here because we want to be here, we all love you both so much." Kris grinned at Zoe half heartedly and Zoe could sense that there was something else playing on his mind and even though she knew exactly what it was, she decided to wait for him to speak first and took his hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly encouraging him to open up, knowing that he never found than an easy task to do.
Looking down at the floor, he took a deep breath and spoke in barely more than a whisper. "You know...its almost that time of year again...?"
"Yeah," Zoe replied, squeezing his hand once again and nodding as he had confirmed that she had been right in knowing what was on his mind. "I know honey and just like we have for the last three years, we will get through it together. You, Me, Rebecca, Zak and Darren, we're a family and we always will be. No matter what happens, never forget that, promise me?" Kris looked at her and smiled, knowing that she was right like always and after kissing her on the cheek, promised her that he would never forget.
****************************************
Another ten minutes or so passed and Zoe once again gathered her things ready to leave, while Kris went to check on Rebecca, as Zak came home from his date.
"Alright Zo'? Kris not back yet? How's my little Becky Boo been?" He asked as got himself a glass of water.
"Hey Zak, yeah he's just checking on Rebecca who has been been fine by the way. Listen Zak can I talk to you?" She asked as she made her way towards him.
"Sure whats up?" Zak retorted as Kris came back through from the bedroom.
"She's flat out, oh you're home, so how was the date Zakky boy?" he asked, winking at Zak, who just smirked back at Kris and laughed "ah y'know it's all good, cheers mate."
Zoe picked up her bag and asked Zak to walk her home, which he agreed to do and after saying her goodbyes, they left.
"So....what did you want to talk to me about Zo'?" Zak asked as they began walking towards The Dog, where Zoe now lived with Darren, who now owned it, as Jack and Frankie had moved to Spain the previous year.
"How has Kris seemed to you lately?" she asked him. Zak shrugged and thought about it for a short while "I dunno, he seems OK I s'pose, why?"
"I'm worried about him, I dont think he is coping as well as what he likes to make out at times....don't get me wrong, I think he's brilliant with Bex, but...well it's almost that time of year again and you know how much it gets to him....it affects us all I know it does, but I just wish I knew a way of making it easier on him. What do you think Zak? I mean you live there, you must have noticed a change in him recently?" Zoe looked over at Zak, who was clearly thinking about what she had said.
"Yeah I know, it comes around so quickly and now you come to mention it, I was about to go and ask him something the other day and I stopped when i got to his door coz I could see him through the gap, he was holding a picture of Jess and he was crying....I didnt know what to do...didnt know whether to go in or just leave him, and then I heard him talk to the picture, saying how much he still loved her....it broke my heart Zo', I mean I've caught him looking through old pictures before, but not for a while. What can we do though?" he questioned her.
Approaching The Dog, Zoe was deep in thought, "I don't know Zak....but I'll think of something. Just keep a close eye on him yeah? Help out with Bex as much as you can and let him know that we're all here for him.....thanks for walking me home, see you soon."
After kissing her on the cheek and seeing her inside safely, Zak walked back home.
********************************************
That night as Kris layed in bed his head, like most nights, was full of thoughts of Jess. This time of year always seemed to be much harder for him, as it was fast approaching a time that he had always thought and to this day still felt should be spent with Jess as they prepared themselves to celebrate their daughter's birthday, but like the previous three years he knew that the chances of that happening were slim to none and that this year would be no different, however much he wished it could be.
He could not believe that it was almost four years ago that he and Jess brought their brand new baby girl, Rebecca Zoe Kimberly Fisher, home from the hospital for the first time.
It had been the proudest day of his life watching his daughter enter the world and he was equally as proud of Jess for going through nine long, tiring months of her pregnancy, to then be in labour for a little under twenty hours, of which he was with her every step of the way, holding her hand, rubbing her back, wiping her brow and giving her plenty of encouragment. He remembered the day so clearly as if it were yesterday, it was the day before Jess' due date and after much persuasion from Jess that she was fine, Kris went off to do his radio show, only to get a call from Zoe in a panic that Jess' waters had broken and so without any other explanation to his boss other than calling over his shoulder "must go...Jess..baby", he ran straight back to Halls as fast as his legs could carry him, not caring about who he knocked into along the way, grabbed the bag they had already prepared with everything both Jess and the baby would need and got Jess to the hospital as quickly as he could.
The first stages of labour went by fairly quickly and without any problems, much to the suprise of everyone, as they all knew that being Jess' first baby, it could take hours. However, when sixteen hours later, there was still no baby, Kimberly, Jess' midwife began to get concerned as the baby started to show signs of distress. a doctor was brought in to do an examination and advised Jess that she had a cesarean, which Jess being Jess she refused, adamant that she could get through this herself and that her baby would be fine and so after further discussions and close monitoring of the baby's heartbeat, it was agreed that Jess could deliver the baby naturally as long as the baby show further signs of distress. Another four hours later, an exhausted Jess gave birth to Rebecca, weighing 6lb 13oz.
The two weeks that followed Rebecca's birth, were anything but easy, as they all tried to adjust to having a baby around the place on top of keeping on top of their studies and going to lectures and work after having sleepless nights, but they all seemed to do do their bit to help out and it seemed as though they were all coping well. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case for Jess, who didn't feel as though she was coping at all, she felt that it didn't matter what she did Rebecca did not stop crying and settle for her, she was falling behind with her course because she was too tired to study and on the days she did go to lectures, she found herself falling asleep, she looked a mess, wasnt eating properly and she found herslf crying constanty and it didn't matter how much Kris tried to comfort and reassure her, he was shouted at for reasons he could not understand, but the truth was, Jess was jealous, jealous of the fact that he seemd to be coping with everything brilliantly, he was already a natural with Rebecca, already she only had to hear her daddy's soothing voice and she stopped crying and Jess couldn't cope with it anymore.
After much thought on her part and after many failed attempts to talk to Kris and Zoe about how she was feeling, Jess decided that both Kris and Rebecca did not need her there and would be much better off without her and so she packed her things and went back home, leaving Rebecca in her daddy's safe hands.
********************************************
Zoe sat deep in thought at the kitchen table, she had woken up early and could not get back to sleep, so she carefully crawled out of bed, so she didn't wake Darren and went and got herself a cup of tea. She could not help but think of the conversation's she had had with both Kris and Zak the previous evening and knew that somehow she had to take matters into her own hands. Not that she had not tried before of course, she reminded herself, she had tried contacting Jess in more ways than one over the last four years without any success at all, but she knew that she just could not give up until she found her.
Waking up to find an empty space next to him, where Zoe should have been, Darren got up and went to look for her after pulling on his dressing gown and found her sitting in the kitchen in her own little world. He could not help but wonder what was on her mind as she sat there, not even realising that he was stood there watching her and remembered how distant she had been when she returned home from looking after Rebecca the night before. He had asked her if everything was alright of course, but she said she was just tired and went straight to bed, however, now it was obvious to even Darren himself that something was bothering her. He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzled her neck lovingly yet carefully, so as not to scare her.
"Hey you're up early, everything ok babe?" he asked her, kissing her softly on the cheek.
"Sorry I couldn't sleep....I didn't wake you did I?" she replied worryingly, as Darren pulled a chair next to her closer and sat down, taking hold of her hand.
"No course not." He smiled reassuringly. "Zoe, I know I already asked you this last night but I know something's wrong, what is it?" He asked her, growing more concerned as he could see the pain in her eyes.
"Its nothing for you to worry about honey, now do you want any breakfast?" She answered, putting a false smile on her face and knowing Darren would see straight through it, Zoe started to get up from her chair and picked up her half drunk, now cold cup of tea, but was stopped in her tracks by Darren, who took the cup from her and pulled her back down onto her chair.
"Zoe what's wrong? Please just tell me, you can tell me anything, you do know that don't you? Is it something I've done? Have I upset you? 'Cause if I have I'm sorry baby, I love you, I'd never do anything to hurt you." He took her hand in his again and kissed it lovingly several times.
"Hey, no Darren, you haven't dont anything wrong, it's not you I promise." Zoe replied instantly, "it's Kris...he's not doing so good, he's still really missing Jess and last night I said something that she always used to say to him and I feel so guilty, he was fine before I said it and I couldn't stop myself from saying it coz he'd already heard me and I really upset him and now I've brought back all these memories and its all my fault Darren.." Darren pulled a now very tearful Zoe into his arms and held her tightly, rubbing her back.
"Sshhhh its ok darling," Darren soothed. "It wasnt your fault. Sometimes these things just slip out before you even realise....I'm sure Kris doesnt blame you..." he reassured her, kissing her forehead "Is there anything else wrong?"
"I spoke to Zak last night when he walked me home." She began, "he said that he's caught Kris looking at pictures of Jess and crying and talking to them. I'm scared for him, I know how much he misses her and how much he still loves her and I dont know what I can do to help. I don't want it to start affecting Becky, she doesnt understand." She continued sadly, "she started asking me questions last night. She said some of the other children at nursery keep asking her why she doesn't have a Mummy and I didnt know what to say...I knew it was going to happen sooner or later...but it took me by suprise." She explained as Darren listened, while continuing to rub her back and asked her what she had told the young girl. "I told her that mummy didn't think she could look after her, but that she loved her very much. I didnt know what else to say.." Zoe broke down in Darren's arms and let him soothe her as fresh tears began to roll down her soft cheeks onto Darren's shoulder.
After a few minutes, Zoe began to calm down and Darren got up to get her a glass of water, which she gladly accepted and took a few sips.
"I think you said the right thing to Becky, there's not really much else you can say that she'll understand." Darren assured her. "Did you tell Kris?" He asked carefully and watched as Zoe shook her head.
"No, I just couldn't bear to do it...you should have seen him Darren, he was in pieces. I've got to do something, I have too" she told him adamently.
"What can you do Zo'? You've already tried everything, you've tried phoning, texting and emailing her for what almost Four years now and she's never replied. You've even been to her parents house and they said they didn't know where she was, so what else can you do?" Seeing the look of hurt in her eyes, he immediately regretted being so harsh with her, he knew she meant well and he also knew how much she still missed Jess herself, but he hated seeing her like this and gently carried on talking,
"Babe, Jess has moved on and I know how much you miss her but you need to get on with your life and so does Kris. He needs to concentrate on Becky, he'll never forget Jess and will probably never stop loving her but we have to accept the fact that Jess made the choice to leave and yes it was hard but life goes on." Darren felt horrible saying this to Zoe but he loved her so much and he did not know how much more she could cope with. She had always been there for both Kris and Rebecca and had done a fantastic job but she still had to learn to cope with her "loss" herself. Zoe herself had been through so much in the past and Jess had helped her through it and Darren could not help but feel angry towards Jess for leaving Zoe without any explanation that he knew of.
"I know you're right honey and I see what you're saying, but I have to do something, Kris needs her, I know he only feels so low right now because of Becky's birthday and that he'll pick up again as soon as its over, but next year will just be the same and the year after that and so on and I cant sit back and watch it year after year." Zoe informed him, "Rebecca needs her Mummy. She has a right to know Jess and Jess owes it to her to give her an explanation on why she's had to grow up without a Mummy." Zoe paused and looked Darren in the eyes sadly, "and I want my best friend back. Can you understand why I have to do something now?"
Darren thought about what Zoe had just said and felt so proud of her and her reasons as to why she wanted to find Jess and nodded his head smiling.
"Yes of course I do." He answered truthfully. "What are you going to do?" He asked her, once again pulling her into his arms.
"I'm going back to her parent's house, to see if they still live there. They have to tell me where Jess is, they must know and I wont leave until they tell me." She replied with determination in her voice.
After having breakfast and agreeing to keep Zoe's plan to themselves for now, Zoe went and showered and got dressed while Darren packed a small overnight bag not knowing how long this was going to take and Darren walked her to the station.
*************************************
Rubbing her still sleepy eyes, Rebecca quietly walked down the hallway heading towards Kris's bedroom. She opened the door and slowly made her way over to his bed, frowning as she realised that for the second time this week, her daddy was sound asleep still fully dressed in the previous day's clothes, with both hands resting on his chest holding onto a photograph, with other photo's laying next to him on the bed.
Carefully, so as to avoid waking him, Rebecca climbed on to the bed beside Kris and looked at the photographs. She recognised some of them as being of herself as a baby and the few years that followed, she instantly recognised the other people in the picutres as her Uncle Zak, Auntie Zoe, Uncle Darren and of course her daddy and a big smile spread accross her innocent face at how happy they all looked and then the smile slowly disappeared and turned into confusion as she looked more closely at Kris in the ones taken when she was a baby and realised that although his mouth was smiling, his eyes were not. Of course Rebecca had seen these photographs many times before but she had never really noticed this look of which, after searching her still fairly limited vocabulary, she could only describe as sadness. Unable to understand what and/or who could have made her daddy so sad, Rebecca decided that she needed to find out the reasons behind it and safely tucked one particular photo of everyone into the pocket of her pink fluffy dressing gown. Curiousity took over for Rebecca and she ever so gently removed the photograph from Kris's hands and as she turned it over to revealed her daddy looking very happy with his arms tightly wrapped around a lady who Rebecca was sure she'd seen in another photograph a while back although she was unsure of who she was. After studying the photo for a while longer, she was startled by a noise coming from the hallway and panicking at the thought of being caught snooping, she frantically put the photo into her pocket with the other one, just as Zak popped his head around the door.
"What are you up to Boo?" Zak whispered as he went into the room, over to an innocent looking Rebecca and seeing all the photo'graphs scattered all over the bed.
"Nothing Uncle Zakky" She replied smiling sweetly "I had a bad dream and I wanted to see daddy but he's still sleeping in his clothes from yesterday the silly sausage, he never lets me go to bed in my clothes, its not fair! Why is it ok for daddy to do whatever he wants but I always have to ask him if i'm allowed?" Rebeca grumbled quietly as Zak picked her up from the bed and laughed at her as he walked towards the door.
"Come here you cheeky little monkey," he whispered. "The reason daddy's allowed to do whatever he wants and you'se cant is 'cause he's your daddy and daddy's are always right plus he's big and -"
"Yeah yeah I know he's big and I'm small, he's right and I'm wrong." Rebecca interrupted laughing at the line quoted from what Zak knew was her favourite film
"Matilda" "Exactly, ten out of ten Becky Boo, now come on lets go before we wake daddy, I think he needs his rest after looking after you little terror, how about we eat our rice krispies while we watch and see what Dora's gonna get up to today and then how about some footie in the park eh? I've got the day off today so I'm all yours." Zak suggested as he left Kris's room, with a now excited Rebecca still in his arms, closing the door quietly behind him.
Putting Rebecca down onto the sofa and turning the televison on for her, Zak went into the kitchen and made them both a bowl of cereal as he thought about the state Kris was in and worried about how much Rebecca had seen and how this could affect her. After making the breakfast and getting juice for them both he promised himself that he would talk to Kris about it but knew he had to choose his words very carefully...
*****************************************
Stepping onto the platform into St Albans Station, Zoe made her way to the queue of taxi's that had formed outside. Once she had gotten in, she took out the piece of paper which contained what she so desperately hoped was still the address of Jess's parents and gave it to the driver, before she took out her mobile phone and sent a quick text message to Darren
Hey babes, I'm here safe and sound, in taxi now to the house. I'm so nervous! will keep you updated love you xxx Putting her phone away, Zoe took a few deep breaths and tried to go over in her head, what she was wanted to do and say once she got there. She knew this was something she both needed and wanted to do, but the decision and preparations to come here had all happened extremely quickly and without much planning or thought at all, so she decided on just getting there first and then once she was there she would say whatever came into her head and plead with The Harris's yet again if need be, she would try anything to get them to tell her where their daughter was.
Stuck in traffic, Zoe's thoughts drifted onto what had happened the last time she had tried to find Jess. It had been almost a year ago, and once again things had all become just too much for Zoe at home, with seeing Kris sink back down to an all time low as almost another year had passed since Jess had left and she had attempted to find her, without any success, being told by Mr Harris that they had not seen her and did not know where she was and practically had the front door slammed shut in her face. Zoe did not believe him of course but she was deeply shocked at Mr Harris's reaction and returned home feeling defeated and extremely hurt and confused as to why they would not tell her where Jess was. She could not help but wonder the reason's behind it and assumed that Jess had put them up to it, telling them that she did not want to see Zoe or anyone whom she had once called her best friends. This was one of the many things she wanted Zoe was wanting to find out, and this time, like she had told Darren, she was determined that she would not give up and was not leaving without a fight.
Suddenly she was shaken from her thoughts as her phone vibrated in her pocket, indicating that she had a new message and after reading it she learnt that it was from Darren, who was telling her that she would be fine and not to give up and that she must let him know what happens and that he loved her too. Smiling at how sweet and wonderful she thought Darren was, Zoe was brought back to reality as she sensed she was being watched and as she looked up, she came face to face with an impatient taxi driver who was raising his eyebrows at her with an expression on his face as if to say "well, what are you waiting for?" Confused, she looked out of the window and realised they had infact reached her destination and tried to make light of the situation
"Whoops, off in my own little world there mate, sorry about that" Zoe told the man apologetically and slightly embarrassed as she frantically searched through her bag for her purse.
"Hmmm yes clearly, that will be £13.60 please" the man replied grumpily.
Handing over £15 and apologising again for the inconvenience, she told the man to keep the change and taking her bag, Zoe got out of the taxi and watched as the car sped off, making the butterflies came rushing back as she told herself that it was now or never, only she knew that the latter was not an option.
Reminding herself of the house number, Zoe took several deep breaths as she slowly and nervously made her way up the path of 21 King George Gardens and forced herself to ring the doorbell before she lost her nerve and waited anxiously for someone to answer.
After what felt like an eternity, although in actual fact it was no more than two minutes, Zoe turned away from the door feeling disheartened as the fact that there was no answer and decided that she would try again later and was just about to make her way back down the path when she heard a mumbled voice coming from inside although she was unable to understand what the person on the other side of the door had said and as she heard the door being opened, Zoe turned around to face whoever it was...
**************************************
Making eye contact with the person in front of her, Zoë stood motionless; all thoughts containing everything she had made this long journey for to say and do, escaping her memory. She tried desperately to make her brain send signals to her mouth and make something, anything come out rather than the uncomfortable silence that she was experiencing there and then.
After an awkward few minutes, Zoe had made several attempts to speak but failed miserably, with each try her mouth simply opening and closing almost straight away. She was suddenly overwhelmed as question after question came rushing into her head and she desperately tried to make sense of the whole situation.
Giving up hope that the person stood before her would speak first, Zoë, for the first time actually took in just how stunned they were too and realised that in actual fact they looked how she felt herself.
After taking a few big, yet shaky breaths, licking her now very dry lips and clearing her throat, Zoë tried yet again to make the first move and hoped for the best, hoping she would make sense.
"Jess!?!" She barely whispered in just as much of a shocking statement than as a question
*************************************
Time seemed to have come to a stand still for Jessica Harris as she stood infront of the person who she used to call her best friend. She could not believe her eyes and to say that she was shocked would have been the biggest understatement of the century. Blinking several times, she looked at Zoe in a mixture of amazement and disbelief and became all too aware, that she was stood, open mouthed in a complete state of shock. Realising that Zoe was looking in a similar situation as herself, she desperately tried to gather her thoughts and assess the situation she found herself in.
Oh my god its Zoe! Is it really her? Yes of course it is her, she looks exactly the same, she hasnt changed a bit....I cant believe she's here...but why is she here now after all this time?...I havent seen her for nearly four years....I cant believe she's here...I've missed her so much....but still I cant believe she's here, I dont understand what's she's doing here after all this time? Has something happened? Something to Rebecca? Kris?....Come on Jess, speak for goodness sake, say something...anything.."Zoe!?! What are you -? How did -? How come -? When?" Jess giggled slightly, embarrassed as everything she had wanted to say all came out at the same time as one big mass of half asked questions and so she decided to try again "Hello" she finally managed to say nervously.
"Hi Jess" Zoe replied cautiously, suddenly well aware of the fact that she really had no idea as to what reception she was expecting from Jess. "Bit of a shock eh?" she added, feeling somewhat silly for stating the obvious.
In response, Jess raised her eyebrows and nodded her head in agreement not trusting herself at that precise moment to say anything out loud. The whole situation Jess found herself in, she thought to herself, was surreal to say the least. She simply did not know what to make of it all.
Plucking up the courage to do so, Jess wearily stepped aside, gesturing for Zoe to join her inside if she wanted too and unsure of what to expect, she quietly gasped in amazement as Zoe slowly took her up on her offer and went in.
Lianne & her crazy girls Brains, Clumsy & Trouble & her FB Mia <3
Waving the Kress flag with Caitlin <3
Don't cry coz its over, Smile coz it happened - Kress <3
Bring back Jenny Biddall <3
xxx 
