theres 2 blokes going out shooting together. one of them accidentally shoots himself in the foot, the other one phones the ambulance services and says: "my mates just shot himself in the foot, what should i do?" "calm down" said the operator "what you should do is first make sure he's dead" the bloke walks over to his injured mate, and all the operator can hear is BANG! the bloke picks the phone back up and says to the operator:"yep he's dead now. what should i do next?!"
A girl walks into a shop selling hearing devices and she says to the assistant, "could I have a hearing aid, please.." To witch the assistant replies, "I'm sorry, but could you repeat that please."
[Widely regarded as the funniest joke in the world]: a journalist is interviewing a farmer and notices in the sty, a pig with a single wooden leg. He asks the farmer how this happened. The farmer tells him: "That is an interesting and moving story. One day last year, I was driving my tractor and it hit a large stone; the tractor turned over and pinned me to the ground. I was alone in the field, the tractor caught fire and I shouted out for help. This brave animal heard me, jumped over the sty, dashed across the yard, through the hedge - cutting himself in the process - and, although I was, by then, unconscious through smoke inhalation, he pushed away the vehicle: sustaining burns and bruises. Eventually he pulled me clear, then ran ten, painful, miles to get help, which saved my life." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" persisited the journalist. The farmer replied: "A pig like that you don't eat all at once."
Two lunatics escape at night from the asylum. They reach the roof, but cannot get to the perimeter wall, which is at the same height, but some twenty feet away. One says: "It's alright, I have this electric torch: I'll switch it on and you can walk along it's beam to the wall." The other looks at him incredulously: "What do you think I am - insane? I'd get halfway across and you'd switch it off!"
Originally posted by Koolassa Q Kumba: Two lunatics escape at night from the asylum. They reach the roof, but cannot get to the perimeter wall, which is at the same height, but some twenty feet away. One says: "It's alright, I have this electric torch: I'll switch it on and you can walk along it's beam to the wall." The other looks at him incredulously: "What do you think I am - insane? I'd get halfway across and you'd switch it off!"
HAha thats ace
♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥Ray♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way.
Three women stand in front of a magic mirror. They are told 'If you lie, it will suck you in.' The Brunette says 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world.' She gets sucked in. The Red head says 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world.' She gets sucked in. The blond says 'I think..' She gets sucked in!
* * * * * * * * Professional under water wood welder
Originally posted by Loopey: Three women stand in front of a magic mirror. They are told 'If you lie, it will suck you in.' The Brunette says 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world.' She gets sucked in. The Red head says 'I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world.' She gets sucked in. The blond says 'I think..' She gets sucked in!
