A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "A pint of lager please barman. Oh, and a mop"

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

The worst one of all time: A man walked into a bar and said 'ow.'

A man walks into a bar,
The barman says oi mate, you've got a steering wheel down your trousers,
The man says yeah, it's driving me nuts!

I disagree with HANZ about a princess never being late: Diana - former wife of prince Charles - is frequently referred to as 'the late Princess of Wales'.

a crocodile is sat at a bar, he notices a lady sat at the end, he then saddles up to her and with a mighty snap swallows her whole. He now needs a drink and says to the barman " a pint please" , "im not serving you, sorry, as you have taken drugs in my pub" replies the barman, "but I havent" protests the crocodile,"well" says the barman "that was a bar-bitch-you-ate"

a man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a lead:

"A pint for me and a clown for him" he says.

The barman pulls the pint and promptly goes to the back room and returns with a clown whom he feeds to the croc. the croc spits the clown out

"He says it tastes funny" says the man, "got any more?"

"That was the last one, " says the barman, "I've got some dwarves if he'd prefer"

"Nah!" says the man, "I'm not having him on shorts, he's driving"

The next night the same guiy walks in with a tiger on a lead

The barman senses the danger and shoots it dead as they enter. The man carries on to the bar.

"just a pint then I suppose" he says

"Well, ok mate," says the barman, "but you can't leave that lyin' there"

"It's not a lion it's a bloody tiger!" says the man.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

a horse walks into a bar...
but it had been there since 1864 and was clearly signed "The Fiddler's Elbow" so its case was laughed out of court in spite of the extra large neck brace and pleas for a disabled nosebag and an orange parking badge in its horse box.
On the plus side it managed to do the chat show cuircuit as the only horse ever to go to court and even shot a pilot for its own show, "Look out Dobin!" which failed. It now eeks out a living selling designer blinkers and wearing a William Hill bobble hat on Grand National day.

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks (in the time-honoured fashion): "Why the long face?"

The horse says: "I'll have a whiskey, please." The barman serves him, and charges him £4.50. The barman then says to the horse: "We don't often get talking horses in here." The horse replies: "I'm not surprised at these prices."

I disagree with HANZ about a princess never being late: Diana - former wife of prince Charles - is frequently referred to as 'the late Princess of Wales'.

hahahahaha gd 1! thumbs up 2 dat 1

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

I tried to look up about dyslexia on the net the other day but I couldn't figure out how to spell it. True story.

Michael Barrymore walks into a bar and the barman asks "Why the long face?"

Polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and........................tonic please" Barman replys "Why the big pause?" Bear replys "Oh I've always had them!"
BOOM BOOM

Horse walks in to a bar and the barman asks
"what you havin"
Horse replies
"Double whisky"
Barman asks
"Why the long face"
horse replies
"my mum just died"

Squirrel walked into a bar....

"Pint of lager please"

Landlord said...

"No chance! You're out of your tree!"

surprised he did not offer him a topic chocky bar

A white horse walks into a bar and asks for a trough of lager. The barman looks at him and says, "we sell a whiskey named after you"

The horse replies, "What, Dave?"

A Blonde walked into a bar and ask's for two pints and an orange. the barman returns with the two pints
"still orange " he says
Blonde: "yeah, i still want orange"

true story aswell

quote:

Originally posted by LittleMissVixen!:
The worst one of all time: A man walked into a bar and said 'ow.'

thats the best joke

A completely sober guitar player walks into a barre and the barman refuses to serve him stating that he has obviously had too much already...

(you had to be there....)

Fx

A bloke walks into a pub and asks for 12 pints of Guinness. A mere hour later, he’s drunk them all. He then asks the barman
“Do you sell shorts?”
”Yes” he replies”
“Have you got any in a 38 waist, then? I’ve just sh@t these.”

Fx

this forum always makes me laugh

My muso mate Dan has come up with this:

A guitar player walks into a coffee barre
and the waiter serves him a capo-cino

we larfed! (you had to be there...)

Frankie xxx