Anyone remember Gag Tag on telly with Bob Monkhouse and Jonathon Ross?
I thought we could try a gag tag thread, where each joke must follow on from the preceding one's subject or content...
Original material only please, no cut n pastes!
Ok here goes...
"Bird Flu doesn't scare me, but on those poultry farms there's always been a real chance that something nasty could pass from one species to another... That's assuming that Turkey's can catch Gonorreah?"
Benard Matthews booked himself into the Priory this morning. Following the recent livestock cull on his Suffolk farm, he was said to be having a severe case of cold turkey.
Jamie Oliver was left doumbfounded today; a sharp rise in the national average IQ was recorded in conjunction with an increase of the fat content in children's favourite Turkey Turdles
My wife's been suffering from "Bird" flu - for the past two weeks - the pile of washing up is now 2 inches from the kitchen ceiling.
It's different to "Man" flu in that rather than lying on the sofa watching Cbeebies all day with kleenex shoved up both nostrils, the victim spends 50% of their time on the phone to their sister describing what a mess the house is... the other 50% is spent lying in bed next to you, coughing incessantly all night long.
Still, if she doesn't get better we can always turn to our private healthcare scheme. I'm a bit worried though, we couldn't afford one of the top schemes and we had to go budget. We still get to go to a nice private hospital, but the doctors are all portrayed by actors.
That sounds like the girl I had a one-night stand with.
She got very hot in bed and I felt pretty sad in the morning when I woke and found she'd gone - looking on the bright side though, I did have a smooth back, sack and crack.
An adventuror was attempting to cross the arctic circle by motorbike, when disaster struck and his hydraulics failed. Try as he might he couldn't get the thing going again, and he ended up resigning himself to a cold and lonely death. He thought of his children and his wife and started sobbing, but his tears froze his eyes shut and his running nose covered his lips and mouth with white rime.
After an hour of pathetic blindness he heard the sound of footsteps in the night across the packed snow and started calling out. The walker, an inuit warrior, approached him and asked what had happened. The adventuror sobbed again and cried out 'I've blown a seal and now I can't see'. The inuit shrugged and said "First time I heard someone go blind from doing that"
