There was a man lying on the beach with no arms and no legs. There were three women walking down the beach.

The first one passed the man and said 'Have you ever been hugged?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she hugged him.

The next woman said 'Have you ever been kissed?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she kissed him.

The third woman walked by and said 'Have you ever been f**ked?'
'No' replied the man.
So the woman said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

Cruel but true.

The sickness begins:-
Q: What is the loudest sound in the world?
A: A freshly peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

Q: And the definition of agony?
A: An elephant, sliding down a razor blade, using it's balls as brakes.

Q: What should you do if an epileptic has a seizure in the bath?
A: Put your washing in.

Q: What is the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?
A: One was made of wood and the other was maid of orleans.

And, why is there something instead of nothing?

quote:

Originally posted by LittleMissVixen!:
There was a man lying on the beach with no arms and no legs. There were three women walking down the beach.

The first one passed the man and said 'Have you ever been hugged?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she hugged him.

The next woman said 'Have you ever been kissed?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she kissed him.

The third woman walked by and said 'Have you ever been f**ked?'
'No' replied the man.
So the woman said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

lol this even isn't the oldest joke in the book
this joke was written before the book was even thought of lol

Yes well I think the old ones are the best

Ha ha!!!

The un-cruel version of that joke, u tell by making the man a mermaid and the woman just one man. with the same lines and pay off.

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Dan Brown's new novel, based on his discovery that he is the direct descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, entitled:-

"CHRIST! I'VE HIT THE MOTHER LODE NOW!"

(Published by Onebourne, Avery, Minnet)

quote:

Originally posted by LittleMissVixen!:
There was a man lying on the beach with no arms and no legs. There were three women walking down the beach.

The first one passed the man and said 'Have you ever been hugged?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she hugged him.

The next woman said 'Have you ever been kissed?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she kissed him.

The third woman walked by and said 'Have you ever been f**ked?'
'No' replied the man.
So the woman said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

And if he did manage to swim away would he be called a clever dick???

hahahah that jokes well funny
good show old chap lol

I was once in a restaurant and I was waxing lyrical and derisively about the Welsh. After about fifteen minutes, a gentleman at another table leaned over towards me and said, annoyedly: "Actually I am Welsh!" I apologised to him and said: "I'm sorry - if I'd known I would have spoken more slowly."

THIS IS A SICK JOKE FROM 1984 - THE BRIGHTON BOMBING:
Q: What do you call a man with a hotel on his head?
A: Norman Tebbit.

And from the same period:
Q: What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with a Task force?
A: Re-elected.

And if you dial '666' on your telephone, do you really get three policemen standing on their heads?

Sick, eh?

What's red and says "Too whit too whoo"?
A sanitary owl.

Don't make jokes about dwarves with learning disabilities...

...it's not big and it's not clever!

i wish i knew a good joke to tell

The madam opens the brothel door to find a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep.

"I'd like a woman please," says he.

"What good are you to a woman?" the madam asks.

"I rang the doorbell didn't I," replies the man.

lol

quote:
Originally posted by LittleMissVixen!:

_______________________________________________

There was a man lying on the beach with no arms and no legs. There were three women walking down the beach.

The first one passed the man and said 'Have you ever been hugged?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she hugged him.

The next woman said 'Have you ever been kissed?'
'No,' replied the man. The woman felt sorry for him so she kissed him.

The third woman walked by and said 'Have you ever been f**ked?'
'No' replied the man.
So the woman said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

________________________________________________

thts a wkd jke!

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes ?

Nothing, you have already told her twice

quote:

Originally posted by Koolassa Q Kumba:
The sickness begins:-
Q: What is the loudest sound in the world?
A: A freshly peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

Oh, o no, thats actually sick.

quote:

Originally posted by Koolassa Q Kumba:
Q: What should you do if an epileptic has a seizure in the bath?
A: Put your washing in.

Horribly hilarious

quote:

Originally posted by Koolassa Q Kumba:
The sickness begins:-
Q: What is the loudest sound in the world?
A: A freshly peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

That joke makes me feel really sick.thats the worst joke ive ever heard.Its really not funny.

A man walks into a chippy and says "gimme some effing chips" "I beg your pardon!" says the proprieter. "You 'eard, gimme some effing chips!" says the customer. The proprieter says "I'm not servin you, swearing like that. Here let's swap places & and I'll show you how it's said properly" They swap places and the proprieter says to the customer "Good evening sir, a portion of your fine golden chips if you please" The customer says "F Off, you wouldn't serve me!"

quote:

Originally posted by ~*~murphy~*~:

quote:

Originally posted by Koolassa Q Kumba:
The sickness begins:-
Q: What is the loudest sound in the world?
A: A freshly peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

That joke makes me feel really sick.thats the worst joke ive ever heard.Its really not funny.

We all know that the loudest noise in the world is a robot having a wink (missepelled) in a dustbin.

Q: What's pink and wrinkly, and hangs out yer underpants?
A: Yer mum.

Q. Why do newborn babies have a soft spot on their heads?
A. So nurses can carry ten at a time.


What the hell, have another really cruel one:
Q. What's pink and red and bangs on a window?
A. A baby in a microwave.