Mr Darby: Joan, I'm in love with another woman, and i'm going to move in with her.
Mrs Darby: But Peter, why? We've had 49 years together, we've raised 3 beautiful children, I thought we were going to walk into the sunset together... why now? And who is she, anyway?
Mr Darby: It's Lily.
Mrs Darby: Lily across the road!! What's SHE got that i haven't?
Mr Darby: Parkinson's...

A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pub l ic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."